From "dog vomit" to this!

Just to refresh your memory, a week or so ago we were putting our classroom together and it looked something like this:Today I had a free day (no outside appointments) so I got up with a mind to finish the painting in the classroom. I had the "dog vomit" green and the bottom blue portion done. Today's chore included LOTS of taping--more taping than I ever want to do again in my life! Tape the bottom blue portion off. Tape off the top section so I could paint blue there. Use the laser level thingy and hope I was straight.Top blue section, done. Tape second line on bottom, preparing for a brown stripe.

One brown strip, done!
Tape second line for second brown line.
Done! The pic below is dark, but I love how the lines line up with the window.Our color scheme.Eric and the kids ripped off all the tape, swept and mopped the floors, and put the room back together again! [So thankful for that, as I am DONE after all that taping and painting on my own!]

Isn't it soothing? I could learn in this room! The goal was for our learning space not to be too over-stimulating. I won't be adding a ton of bright and colorful things to the wall.
All this, from a little storage container with an interesting color scheme!This weekend my parents will be coming to town to help us finish up our home-improvement projects. My step-dad and Eric will be on blind and ceiling fan duty upstairs while my mom and I get to decorate the classroom and go shopping for "old school" chairs and other fun additions. I love it anytime my mom comes to town, but especially when we have a good reason to go shopping together!! The hard work is done. Let the fun stuff begin!

ABCs, 123s, and "Screen Time Please!"

For our classroom we're going for a "schoolhouse chic" look. I just love Esty. Don't you love Esty(.com)?! With my mom I found these awesome vintage Alphabet cards to hang. I love that they show upper and lower case. I love that they have a whole little cute sentence. And I adore the vintage illustrations! Perfect. I will either hang them around our large window, or display them across the blinds using mini-clothes pins. [Which do you think would look better?]

To go with the oh-so-perfect ABC cards, the shop also had 123 cards! I have plans to display these in a large empty frame I have. The frame is like 2 feet by 3 feet. I'll put wires across it and then connect the cards with mini clothes pins. One problem. The number cards are TINY. I was imagining them to be around the size of a playing card. Nope. They are about the size of a domino (height-wise, and a bit wider across). Boo! They absolutely won't work. So...the hunt for our number cards continues. The thing is I don't just want 1-10. I want 1-31, or would compromise 1-20.
Tonight both Eric and I had to work during the evening. The kids asked for screen time and we decided they could have a few minutes. On their own they all cozied up to the breakfast bar and set up both computers, snuggling in on two stools. I just love those moments when they are all a team. The big ones were helping the little ones, and the little ones were patient when it wasn't their turn.

Love,

Anita

Step by Step Classroom

White walls.Upper walls that are "dog vomit" green/yellow. I was SERIOUSLY wondering about this color at first, but it got better as it dried.
"Dog vomit" green/yellow with nice pretty calm blue on the bottom. LOVE the blue Coincidentally, you can see the inspiration storage cube at the top of the wood shelf. Not too bad.

The colors, close-up. This is a pretty good representation of what they really look like (unless your computer colors look different than mine)!

We like the blue so much that we'll be painting the area from the upper window sill to the top of the wall blue as well. Then, we'll devide both blue areas and the green area with a nice brown stripe! The stripes are stressing me out--the thought of taping and going crooked. We bought a handy-dandy laser level thingy, but I could easily mess that up!

It's too hard? Maybe I don't want it badly enough!

I recently read an "Above Rubies" facebook post that really hit home with me. Keep up the good work ladies!

*****

"I don't have time", "It won't work" or "It's just too hard", often translates to me as "I don't want it badly enough", "It's not important enough to me", "I am not motivated enough to bother" or "I am too afraid to step out of my comfort zone". No excuses! Be radical! Be the life-giving energy and excitement in your home! Be so full of life that you are a magnet that everyone can't help but want to be around! What an awesome witness that is!

*****

Love,
Anita

Keep up the good fight!

This verse came the other day as one of my "daily verse" emails. I don't remember exactly what ethical dilemma I was dealing with at the time, but it was one thing or another! ;-) Sometimes it is hard, in the heat of the moment, to do what is right--especially when it would feel so GOOD in the immediate. I think of some words my pastor spoke. "We must not sacrifice the ETERNAL for the IMMEDIATE!"

To my friends who stand up for ethical adoptions and stand against corruption, keep up the good fight!

He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil - this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him. Isaiah 33:15-16

Love,

Anita

My Loves

Taevy, 10 years 11 monthsSamren, 9 years 10 months
Bright, 5 years 11 months
Kendi, 4 years 3 months

Bright--And it Begins...

Bright is going to be six years old in a few months. It's hard to believe that this child has been in our lives for five years. Wow. Five years. First, we watched him fight to live. Then we watched him fight to catch up physically. Next, we prayed for him as he did the hard work of entering our family and learning to love and trust us. Now, we enter into a time when we can hopefully identify his special needs so that he can continue to develop to his highest potential.

It's been a long time coming. From the moment we said "yes" to his adoption, we knew that Bright would come with some unknowns. Today a therapist said, "You knew his care situation was like this and you still said yes?" Umm...yes. And we would say yes again, and again. We didn't know what Bright's needs might be in the future. Would he live? Would he walk? Would he talk? Would he be able to attach? Will his brain be damaged by the lack of nutrition and stimulation in his first year? We didn't have answers to these questions. And we still don't have answers to all of them.

When Bright came home at 20 months he was a new walker, and had just learned to say his first word. After a hard first visit to Ghana (3 weeks) and an easier second visit to Ghana (4 weeks) Bright and I were tight. He and I were a team. He had spent 7 weeks with me--only me--learning what mommy love is. [His first mom died when he was a newborn.] I remember that when he first came home he could not sleep unless I was touching him. =-) Even if he was in a deep sleep (I thought) he would wake as soon as I let go. To this day, he holds me very tight.

His first year home Bright almost had a sort of selective mutism going on. He would talk--but only in our house and only to our family. Little by little he let grandparents in, and then a few other family members. He was around 4 years old before he would talk to others. You can understand then what a HUGE celebration we had the first time he volunteered to pray before our meal at a restaurant! Bright perseveres.

By the time he was four years we could see other behaviors that weren't typical. He didn't just watch TV or "read" books for fun. He did it to escape. He couldn't cope in the real world without self-initiated "time outs." He started stuttering sometimes. His outbursts became more common. His eye contact is "off" sometimes. [You can often see it in pictures.]

Sleep became more and more of an issue--to the point where it's almost like Bright cannot fall asleep until his body is absolutely physically and emotionally exhausted, or very medicated. {We currently have to give him two things to help him fall asleep, and even then he gets less than 8 hours.} Bright wakes up early and stands over us while we sleep. He is eerily quiet. He uses that time to destroy others' property (his siblings') and to gorge on sweet foods in the pantry.

Over the years we have seen a smart boy. He loves to learn. He loves to memorize. He can hear a song one time and then know how to sing every word. And yet, this smart boy cannot understand "front" or "back" or "up" or "down" or anything else that is the least bit abstract. He can memorize what is allowed and not allowed, but he does not have a dialog within himself to FEEL right or wrong.

Bright wants so much to love his siblings. I believe he does love them. However, he also hates them. They are competition for my love. They take my time from him. His "real" self (the self that isn't damaged) peaks through and plays seamlessly with his siblings. He thanks Samren for being a good big brother, and tells Taevy she is his best friend. He prays for them at night--real prayers, not rote memories of what he "should" say. But in the midst of doing something with them (talking, playing, learning) something snaps in him and he becomes threatened. In that snapping moment these siblings that he loves become his enemies. They are the ones who want him to go away...not to have the love of mom and dad that he so wants and deserves. When that snap happens, he hates them. He wants to destroy their things. He wants to "leave his mark" on their property (literally---often writing on them). He wants to hurt them (and does, and sometimes threatens to hurt them while they sleep). He wants them to know he will fight for his spot in this family. I just wish he knew they weren't trying to take his spot away. =-(

Today I met with Bright's new therapist. I think, at this point, that it will be a good fit. We are seeking outside help because for the first time I feel like one of my kids' needs are beyond what I can handle myself. I don't understand him. There are too many factors. A therapist is a good place to start. Someone who can see things more objectively is what we need. Today I had an hour and a half to sit and pour out everything that has us concerned about our little boy. She listened, well.

Of course, you can't figure out a child in one visit whit his mom. You can only have a rough guesstimate of things that might be going on. However, today was enlightening. I have always thought, "Bright doesn't have attachment issues." Even some of you have said, "Are you sure he doesn't have attachment issues?" See, I have another kiddo with attachment issues and I KNOW what that looks like! It doesn't look like Bright, even though some of the things he does are classic attachment issue things. Oh...except...I was focusing on my relationship with Bright. I wasn't thinking of his relationship with the others in our family. I also wasn't paying enough attention to the attachment CONTINUUM. Is he attached to me? Yes. Is he attached securely? No. This is what I have admitted to myself today for the first time.

This child is fighting for me. He loves me so very much, but he can't trust the world enough to believe that his place in my heart is solid. He can't trust his siblings to share me with him. He is defensive of our love. He will do whatever he has to do to make sure nobody takes his mommy away (again). Oh my heart. I hurt for him. And I hurt for my other kids, who have also been so affected by this. [The issues seem to stem from me, not Eric--at least not to the same degree.]

So...attachment. It's on the list of things going on, quite possibly. The therapist made very good points and helped me to see this is probably the case.

Sensory. Yes, we've spoken about that on this blog too! You all have asked me, "Are you sure he doesn't have sensory issues?" I could see little quarks with Bright, but nothing like what I saw with Taevy. Again, it didn't look the same to me. Ahh...but auditory processing? Hmm...forgot to think about that part. I did a sensory survey today that points to a very possible auditory processing disorder. It may be that my poor baby just cannot process what is going on around him. That would be so scary. That would make anybody feel terribly anxious, I'm betting.

Speech and OT. Yeah. We knew this was a part of the puzzle, but so far down on the priority list. I was/am much more concerned about his behaviors/emotions than the physical stuff. But the therapist made a good point today that if he can't communicate properly, the frustration and anxiety will continue to build and build and build. Time to figure out exactly what it is that makes Bright speak so....differently from other kids. [It's just different. Not like your usual speech impediment.] Also, time to get the Occupational Therapist to check out the hypotonia issues with his mouth. Six year olds shouldn't drool, or chew meat for 30 minutes, or over stuff their mouth constantly.

Neuro/Cognitive: This piece of the puzzle scares me almost more than the behavioral peice. Oh, how heartbreaking it will be if we learn that our boy's brain was damaged from the lack of nutrition his first year. Lots of kids DO come out just fine. Still, Bright's case was severe. It also makes sense that there may be real problems with learning. Abstract thinking may always be difficult for him. With the schoo,l we will be starting the process to have him evaluated for that type of special need. The therapist will use the results of that testing to help us figure out how we can best reach him for the behavioral/emotional part. How can you teach a child about something as abstract as attachment and love when he can't understand up and down? I know how to help an attachment-challenged child who has a healthy brain. I don't know how to help a child whose brain may be damaged.

So this is where we are, as of today. Next week Bright meets with the therapist for the first time. Then, 2 weeks later, we have a meeting about the care plan the therapist has come up with.

I can't tell whether I feel better or worse, now that someone so qualified has said, "Yes, your son needs help. A lot of help." It feels good to have taken this first step for him (and to have the therapist say that we couldn't have really taken the step much sooner). At the same time, the busy mom/wife/adoption coordinator can't help but to think about all of the outside appointments this is likely to add to our already very busy life.

Lots of times I get comments about how I "do it all," or "you sure do have a lot on your plate." Even the therapist today, I could tell, was really wondering why in the world we would choose to homeschool with everything else going on. I think sometimes people think I deliberately try to add more and more and more so that people feel sorry for us, or so that they think I am super mom/wife. It's not that. Truly.

The Lord has put these 5 people in my family. He chose for me to care for these five. What am I going to do? Say no? I figure...whatever the Lord tells me to do is better than whatever the alternative could have been. I must live my life focused on the eternal (thanks B for the reminder!). These five people won't be sick in heaven. They are my family--the one God chose for me. This life on earth--according to my belief system--is just a tiny droplet of time in all things eternal. Oh, how blessed I will be to spend eternity with these 5 people! They won't be sick there. I won't be sick there. All of the trials of this place will be but a distant memory.

Right now, with this life of mine, things *DO* seem overwhelming. I'm human. I won't lie about that. I am understanding for the first time what it means to "take it one day at a time." When I look even a week out, I start to feel defeated. But if I can just get through this day...just this day...

Love,

Anita

Phase One Classroom--CHECK!

Phase I of our classroom is done! We have unpacked and organized most everything that is to be in the room. We will receive materials from Calvert here in the next few weeks, as well as 4 laptops (one for each child) from Epic Charter School. Even though I'll be moving all of the items in this room tomorrow (to start painting) I just had to set it up for inspiration.

On the top of our "pie safe" shelf I added books from each country in our family (U.S., Cambodia, Vietnam, and Ghana).
I am hoping for window dressing inspiration! Let me know if you have cute ideas! On each side of the window we will display student work--littles on the left and bigs on the right.

We have 3 doors in this room (closet, bathroom, and entry/exit). We decided to put them to good use and paint them with dry-erase paint! I'll need to save up money, so this will be a future project.
This is our "home-living" area. The kids (all of them) love this. I mean really, who doesn't like to play house? The other night they were all taking turns shopping at Aldi and then serving up food to each other. I don't know if you noticed, but the "table" is actual a large drum with real animal hide, from Africa. I bought it way back in 1999 when I first started teaching music. It is a STRONG drum. It's served us well. Oh--the classic game console is on top of the table, for when the kids feel like playing checkers, chess, etc.. The wall above this area will be pre-k and kinder stuff (ABCs, 123s).This part looks really boring now. This is our awesome Ikea table (thanks M!). Each child has their own small white board and sitting area. We will have 4 laptops from the school that we can set up when need be. For now, the littles won't normally need that. I am hoping to find 2 more cubes of the right size to put in the back area, but right now we are using our dining chairs. On this wall we'll put our big map of the world and other "big kid" stuff.
This is what you see when you walk into the room. On the left, a bookshelf with the home living area in front of you.

Now we'll go "four corners." Just imagine yourself walking around the room! We are standing in the home living area and this is what you see.

Head on over to the TV corner and below is what you see. Ach, I love my "pie safe!" It's so perty! I really like the cubbies that we put in there for storage as well.

Move to the learning table corner and this is what you see. Over on the bookshelf we carried over the storage containers on top. We put our printer on that shelf, as well as a shelf dedicated to mine and Taevy's crochet habit. =-)
Finally you are at the entry door. The little green chairs? Yeah. Not sure what we're doing with those. They might have to go.
Below is our color inspiration! I knew I wanted green and blue. At first I thought of doing a more true green on the bottom, sort of like hills, with blue on the top, sort of like sky. But duh! Then I remembered our storage bins, which have an awesome blue and green scheme. We'll be going with this deeper blue on bottom, and this yellow-ish green on top. I'm still hoping to be inspired to do something geometric (but not to hard or time intensive) to split the two colors. I might just do a deep brown strip between the two. What do you think?

Love,

Anita

Excuse our Progress

Currently, this is what our main living area looks like. Yeah, THAT pretty! Ugh. I'm telling you, it has been an interesting last 10 days around here. All of the sudden Eric and I decided that we really must have a classroom. [Well, must isn't the right word. There would be no classroom if we had no room for one.] This meant moving our master bedroom upstairs and turning our old master into the classroom. This also meant moving around the other two bedrooms. We began work last weekend, and it continues even tonight.
This is the classroom in progress. You can sort of see the home living area we set up for the little ones (with toy bins, kitchen, and you can just barely see the big drum that we are using with chairs as their dining table).
This view is even worse! You can sort of see where we have the learning table. Half of it is down at the moment (it is drop-side). The TV will be used for educational videos. There is no way that big thing was going upstairs. We hope to have the room painted (green on bottom, blue on top) an decorated (with fun educational things) in the next week. The parents are coming down to help us, God bless them!

This is the girls' old room, our new bedroom, being prepped for paint. Sammy was a HUGE help taking off the electrical covers while I spackled HUNDREDS of thumbtack holes!

This is the new color--"Stonington." We really like it. We got the heavy duty paint with primer in it and are so glad we did! Just one coat went over sharpie marker and a variety of other nasty marks!
We got the bed and side tables put up last night, and today we got the rest of the furniture in the master. Feels GOOD! We still need to put everything on the walls, hang the curtains, and switch out closets. NOT looking forward to switching the closets! One bummer is that our dresser mirror won't go on top the the dresser because of the angled ceilings. It now has a home on the floor. Our dogs keep barking at themselves!The new girls' room is all moved in. It's not the prettiest thing, but they are happy. They both have matching black and white comforters, but Taevy highlights with lime green and Kendi highlights with hot pink. We will be painting the room green and pink in the near future (oh my!). Still trying to figure out how THAT will work!

The boy's room is much cleaner-looking. They have the red and black thing going on. Not many toys in here, in hopes that they can keep it clean more easily. Legos and cars. What more do boys need? Oh--maybe some curtains.
Kendi is pretty much saying it all here. We are all just exhausted! Really, the kids have been an amazing help to us--especially to me. I really am somewhat limited in what I can do sometimes (because of the fibromyalgia). They are sometimes my hands and feet. They help bend over and reach, and grip tiny things, and make trip after trip up the stairs. Big kids, if you ever read this, I appreciate you.

This week it is more of the same (between work and school). We will put finishing touches in our master (minus some sort of contrasting paint thing). We will get all of the books and supplies in order in the classroom. We will buy the classroom paint; prep the classroom; and then paint it! This weekend the parents are coming down to help put up new blinds, a ceiling fan, and finish the classroom. After all of that is done, maybe the living area will once again resemble a place where one would like to live!

Love,

Anita