Can You Wake Me When It's Over?

Sometimes that's how I feel with our adoption. Just wake me when it's over!!! In the last few weeks I've felt this way. I've become weary waiting for I-600 approval (today is day 35). I think I would be more patient if I didn't know we've got another potentially long immigration wait after we're through this hurdle. I've felt bad about doing any sort of complaining about the wait on this blog, because I have other friends who have had so much longer waits. I have a friend that has been waiting for her precious son from Haiti since about the time we found out about Bright (almost 3 years ago now)! I don't know how she does it. God must be the only way to get through something like that.

I have felt so very WEARY. So weary that it has been difficult to enjoy the wonderful family I have at home already. So weary that I just want to sleep. I want to avoid checking email because every time there is no email from DHS in Ghana it feels like a slap in the face. I was so weary that I honestly did NOT want to get out of bed for church yesterday. I had a bad attitude. I slept as long as I possibly could, put on the first thing that was clean (even though it should have been ironed), got the kids dressed, and walked out the door. I didn't even take a shower! FOR CHURCH!!!

But wouldn't you know it? There was a reason it was so hard for me to go to church yesterday. It's because I really needed to be there. All of the songs were as if they were picked just to uplift me. And then, the pastor's message was just what I needed to hear.

First, he reminded us that when you are in the center of God's will everything outside of that looks awful. I find that to be very true. As difficult as this journey feels right now, the thought of not going forward--the thought of Kendi not being my daughter--just sickens me. The journey towards her is so much better than a journey away from her would be. He plainly opened doors for us to welcome her into our family. There is no question about that.

Revelations 3:7b "What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open."

Second, our pastor reminded us of what Christian kids are taught from the time they can sing a song. "When I am weak, He is strong." How could I have recently forgotten such an important and basic fact? God KNOWS I can't do this. He KNOWS I'm weak. He KNOWS that me being in His will has absolutely nothing to do with me having any control over the details. I can only reach His destination for my life by letting go, and accepting my own weakness. I've got to put all of my hope in Him. My faith in Him. He has proven to me three times before this adoption that only He can bring my kids home. My efforts have very little to do with it.

Revelations 3:8 "I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

So in the end, my day was an encouraging one. I came home from Church feeling much less weary--not because I had gained strength, as much as I had allowed Him to carry me home instead of insisting I could do it myself. I still feel very weak and weary in my very human body, but today I am finding rest in Him. Imagine yourself as a child, cuddling up in the safety and warm of your daddy's lap. That's how I feel. I just want to stay cuddled up here, with my father, until my baby comes home. If you are weary, I invite you to join me. There's room.