Sarah in my Soul

Sarah is a 5 year old girl that is living in an orphanage in the Volta Region of Ghana. I met her just as it got dark one night and my heart will be forever linked to hers, whether she knows it or not.

We were being shown through the house (very dark because of no electricity) and as we went out the front door a little child took my hand and came out with me. It was Sarah.

It was as if my heart latched onto her like her hand had latched onto mine. We were linked.

Sarah has only been at the orphanage for two months. Both of her parents have died and she was brought in by her grandmother, quite malnourished. She still needs to gain quite a bit of weight by Mama Eugenia (the caretaker) told me that her progress has been nothing short of amazing. She kept saying how "strong" Sarah is.

I think that Sarah is not only strong in body, but in spirit. I would have never guessed that she had only been at the orphanage for 2 months. She seemed quite happy and comfortable in her surroundings. It was obvious that she was "home"--or as close to it as she can get.

As Sarah learned to count to 5 in English, and played patty cake with me, and snuggled into my bosom with laughter, I just knew that she was to be our daughter. I left the orphanage in tears that night, ready to begin the process to adopt her. I knew that Taevy would have a difficult transition with us adding another 5 year old to our home, but I also know that I can get her through it and to a place of emotional health.

The next night I spoke to Lois about how I was feeling. She knew I was in love with Sarah, but also knew that I had concerns about Taevy's adjustment. Lois asked me questions about how Taevy would feel if "X" happened or how she would react to "Y". In the end, Lois (a lisenced Social Worker) counseled against us adopting Sarah, for Taevy's sake. Lois said that it's not a matter of whether or not we could "get Taevy through it." It's about whether or not we should put Taevy in the position to have to "go through" it at all. I had never thought about it that way. I was sad, but also thankful that Lois loves our family enough to tell me the truth even when it is hard.

Here's the problem though. I can't get this child out of my mind. I cry for her every day. I'm dreaming about her being a part of our family at night. I love her so much. I tear up as I remember what it felt like to have her little body snuggled into mine that night on the porch at an orphanage in Ghana. Without realizing it I let this beautiful little girl take a part of my heart and now I don't know how to get it back. I know that common sense says that she isn't the "right" child for our family, but my heart just won't listen.

Please pray for Sarah. Pray that the Lord will reveal her family SOON.

Anita