Ghana Adoption and Christianity

I am a Christian. I work for a secular agency. This is a personal blog and therefore I blog from my personal perspective as a Christian. However, I want to make it very clear to anybody who may be reading my blog and interested in adopting from Ghana and/or through Adoption Advocates International that you do not have to be a Christian to adopt from Ghana. You may have to be a Christian to adopt from some orphanages, but there are many orphanages that have no religious requirements.

I want you to know that if you aren't a Christian, you don't have to worry that I will be unhappy about working with you or that you will be otherwise unwelcome in AAI's program. Not at all! I have worked with many non-Christians and I think they would confirm that they felt welcome and cared-for in this program. Like-wise, I think they would feel that when visiting Ghana they didn't feel discriminated against for not being Christian. After all, the cornerstone for all Christians is to be "Christ-like" and Christ was nothing if not kind and loving to non-Christians!

If you aren't Christian and you're adopting from Ghana I do think you should be prepared for the question, "Are you a Christian?" Ghanaians tend to be very evangelistic Christians. It's not at all a private issue there. You might want to think about how you'll answer that question when you travel. The main concern from your child's caregiver *may* be (I can't know for sure) that you allow your child to continue in the Christian faith once they are in America. [This is assuming your child has been in the Christian faith while living in Ghana.]

So! If you've happened upon this blog and you're an AAI family (or considering it), welcome! My Christian faith is displayed very prominently here, even when I am discussing aspects of my work with the Ghana program. If you don't happen to be Christian, please know that I keep my faith separate from my work when it comes to the official communications I have with families. You need not worry that I will push my faith into your adoption experience.

Blessings!
Anita

This is the day...

Oh man, I feel like singing praise songs! What comes to mind is "This is the day (this is the day), that the Lord hath made (that the Lord hath made). I will rejoice (I will rejoice), and be glad in it (and be glad in it)!" Yeah, I should sing that song more when I'm having a horrible week, to remind myself that the Lord allows the bad with the good, but it's a happy song. What can I say?!

On this day I got to spend my time doing what I love doing. I spent a balanced amount of time emailing and talking on the phone with pre- or post- adoptive families. I even got to give news of a visa approval! I had enough down time to help my kids with school and not be a complete grouch to them. It was JUST. RIGHT.

Most important to my day was what I did NOT have to do! I didn't have to work while sick (like last week). I didn't have to give anybody bad news. I didn't have to think about fees or budget or numbers. I didn't have to spend time on stuff I dislike doing, getting behind on the stuff I do like doing! When I get up in the morning I won't be way behind and I only have good things to look forward to.

Yes! I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Anita

P.S. Oh, and did I mention I'm going to Ghana?! ;-) Tickets are purchaed! I'm leaving March 8th and returning March 22nd!

Made My Day!

Yesterday was a terribly, no good, very bad day. No lie. I felt *SO* discouraged about things, and just....so.....tired. I can't go into detail, but let me just say that it is now very evident to me (if it wasn't already) that I am not at all meant to be a bookkeeper or accountant! I went to bed with a sad face on, and knowing that today would have to be better simply by default.

I woke up this morning with a lot to do and not enough time to do it. [No, I shouldn't be taking time to write this right now.] Someone has to make the donuts, right?

A few hours ago I got a call from my boss. Since I began working for AAI I have been considered a "contractor." I don't feel like a contractor. I'm not paid like a contractor (per case). I don't have a contractor adoption coordinating business. I feel like an employee. It's a little thing that has really weighed on me, and I've let that be known. Well, my boss called me today to let me know that as of March 1st, I will be an AAI employee!! That definitely put a smile on my face. I've put in 5 years to achieve that status. She said that was the "just good but not really good news." This change to employee status also means additional pay for my work. THAT was the really good news, she said. =-) The reason this is big to me is because it's a way of saying that I am a valued member of the team--it's not so much about the money.

A few weeks ago I posted about "Martha's Home." This little foster home had few resources and needed help to send the kids to school and give them an adequate diet. We put out the word, and within a day families stepped up to help meet that need. [It never grows old to see the generosity of families first-hand!]

Today the money was hand-delivered by one of our AAI adoptive families. I got a call from Martha SO EXCITED and SO THANKFUL for the funds to meet the kids' needs. A few minutes ago I received the following note (edited to protect privacy):

Hello Anita,

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Anita, I am very grateful to you for helping me give education to these kids. God bless you so much. In fact A and J were very happy when they saw S and a white friend from the USA, together with Mr. A. Everything went on successfully and tomorrow we will send them to school. The total amount was 700US$. We will start sending you photos of the kids at school very soon and all other details that you requested from us so that you could show them to your sponsors.

S was very friendly and we wish she was going to spend some more days here but unfortunately, she is leaving tomorrow. She gave bags, dresses, pencils and some books to the kids. all we can say is Thank you.

Much Love,
Martha.

There are times that I question my own motives. Am I doing this work because of money or status? Am I doing it to look like a good person? And then something like the above is sent from Ghana, and it strikes me that THAT is the big news of my day. I'm so exceptionally grateful for the changes the agency is making so that I feel valued. More than anything though, it's the opportunity to see a difference being made in the lives of orphaned and vulnerable children that keeps me going. I'm thankful that the Lord gave me the opportunity to learn that about myself today.

Love,

Anita

P.S. Two of the three children at Martha's Home still need educational sponsors at $35 a month and food sponsors at $50 per month! The funds given only secure school until the next session in April. Please email brooke@adoptionadvocates.org if you'd like to sponsor one of the kiddos!

Praises, praises, praises...

It may have something to do with the caffeinated Diet Coke I drank tonight (when I don't usually drink caffeine). It may be the over-abundance of good adoption news lately. Whatever it is, I feel like I will burst if I don't get some PRAISES out into the blogasphere!

1. Visas. Visas! Visas!!! There is absolutely no high higher than when a family is granted their child's visa. Actually, any good news related to visas is an absolute high. One of our families was granted their child's visa recently. They waited a long time for the referral and they waited a long time from court to visa issuance. I couldn't be more happy for them. Another two families got the BEST surprise when they were given visa appointments much more quickly than we anticipated. 1 or 2 weeks away is so much better than having to wait 1 or 2 months for the appointment!

2. Court! After a long dry summer, the past month has proven to be full of LIFE in Ghana adoptions. I can't tell you how thankful I am to know that SIX of the families I work with have passed court in the last month (and another handful on their way)! Just to know that six families have been created...wow.

3. Refund! We feel incredibly blessed to say that we received our IRS adoption tax credit over the weekend. We filed our taxes in February and we've been going through the verification process almost all adoptive families have been forced to go through in order to get their refund. Honestly, I am a crappy record-keeper. I had very few receipts from our travel. Thankfully, AAI sent our paid invoices for adoption expenses. I really didn't know if everything would match up and knew we didn't have any more "proof" to send. We were already lucky, because the refund wasn't being counted on to pay off an adoption or other important things. We would get it, or not. We got it. Since we weren't set on getting it, it was an extra special surprise!

4. Debt (or lack thereof). Since we got married, we have been in debt. Most of the debt was adoption-related (thanks to loans from a relative). Some of it was stupid credit card debt from when we were young and didn't know better. Some of it was essential credit card debt that went to pay for hospital/medical bills when Samren was so sick. For the past 5 years we have really been trying to pay our debt off. Earlier this year we paid off the family loan ($30K)! Whew--talk about a monkey off your back! We have been chipping away at the revolving debt and are now down to $4500. Between the tax credit and what we've been able to save, it looks like that debt will be paid off within the next few months. It also looks like within the next 6 or so months we will be able to pay off our car. Woo hoo! We will still have student loan debt, and a home-improvement loan to pay off (from the house we lived in 6 years ago!), but we are making progress.

5. School. While there have been some issues surrounding the program we chose for Taevy and Samren, over all, we've had such a great start to our school year! The little ones (and the rest of us) absolutely ADORE Calvert so far. They littles are basically both doing both years (pre-k and K), with modifications as necessary. It may just be that Kendi will get to jump ahead to 1st grade next year, or it may be that Bright needs an extra year to master Kinder concepts. The big ones are working diligently on their more basic curriculum in hopes that next year they will be totally caught up by end of year. All of us adore our little classroom. The best part of the day is our corny opening procedures! The Pledge...calender and weather..."daily news"...journal writing. It's great.

6. My husband's job. In an economy where so many have no job at all, my husband has a steady position that provides well for his family. He works very hard for us. Our goal has been that Eric would someday be able to provide fully for our family without my needing to make an income. That was impossible in the past, because of our debt. As we pay our debt, it's becoming more possible. It will be a wonderful day when we know I am working because I choose to, rather than because I must.

Recently he was asked to interview for another position, and was offered that position. While it's not the right fit, the experience as served to encourage him--to feel respected and appreciated for his talents. It also served to help him feel more appreciative of the job he does have. Isn't that awesome?!

7. Our home. Over the weekend we went to an open house...just because. We ended up in what would seem like the perfect house for us (of course!). An established older neighborhood with beautiful big trees for me. A house that had been taken down to the studs to the point that it was basically like new construction, for Eric. 3200 square feet with 4 bedrooms and a huge 2nd living space (aka classroom!) upstairs, for all of us. The perfect kitchen. Huge closets. A big deep bathtub. All at the amazingly low price of about 3 times the cost of our current house! We asked ourselves, "Did it feel twice as big as our house?" No. "Did it seem like it should be 3 times the price?" No. "Do we NEED all of those extra dream things?" No. "Would adding that huge debt feel good?" No.

By the end of the afternoon Eric and I were talking about all of the good things about our home. It's big enough (1800 sf). It has all the sleeping space we NEED. We have a ton of neighborhood support (should something ever happen to Eric). The mortgage is very comfortable, and would be easily paid off (if something ever happened to Eric). We have great access to the highway. Things could change, but instead of trying to figure out how we could sell our house and afford the "dream house," we ended up making a list of things we can do in this house to make it even more our home. For the past 6 years it feels like we've been living here without really knowing if this would be the forever house, or an interim house. We haven't painted. We haven't improved. We haven't even maintained it well, to be honest. We're ready to change that. We've already started with our recent classroom remodel and bedroom painting. With part of our tax refund we are going add some other things, and make this house even more of OUR home.

8. My job. I am a job-changer. I taught in public school for two years, then resigned to stay home with my kids. I worked in adoption for a few years, then resigned to be full time mommy again. I taught private early childhood music classes for a few years, and then resigned again. I have a constant struggle between mommyhood and career. For the first time in my life, I feel somewhat settled. My job is really emotionally draining some days (weeks), but for 4.5 years, the good has outweighed the bad. I have been able to keep my family as my #1 priority (which didn't happen the last time I worked in adoption). Nothing has been sacrificed. Well, I guess there are days here and there were the kids take a backseat, but not as a whole. I truly enjoy the families I get to work with. I don't know what it is. Is it that Ghana draws a certain type of family? Is it that AAI draws a certain time of family? There is *something* different.

Here are some character examples of the people I get to work with daily:

*Family organizes and hosts largest Ghana Adoptive Family gathering in the U.S., before they even have a referral.

*Families (plural!) VOLUNTEER to pay monthly foster care fees for their children, even though it is not required of them--just because they know funds are tight. What? Really?!

*Family hears of a mom in Ghana that needs career training. Plops down $500 IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR OWN ADOPTION EXPENSES to help the mom.

*Families write to ME to see how I am doing when there is bad news coming out of Ghana, when they are the ones who are in the middle of the process!

*Families write to express appreciation and thanks for the agency when fees go up!

*Family runs huge adoption auction for another adoptive family--raises $16k for the family!

I could go on and on and on, but you get the idea. How could I not feel privileged to do this work? And this is only the U.S. side. I won't even go into the amazingess of the folks I get to work with in Ghana.

Praises and blessings. Praises and blessings.

I don't want to put it out there like our life is all sunshine and roses. It's not. You all know about the challenges as well (since I write of them often)! There are times when this life feels completely overwhelming in the worst possible way. And there are times (like today) where I feel completely overwhelmed in the best possible way. I suppose that the bitter makes the sweet taste all the better.

Love,

Anita

P.S. The next time I'm on the low side, someone please remind me to go back and read this post again!

Learning about Myself

Today I was interviewed and asked some pretty tough questions. It was a work-related interview, and I didn't know what questions would be asked beforehand. I find it interesting to answer sort of deep questions on the spot, because I learn things about myself. I don't think anybody else cares about this stuff. This post is more of a journal-type thing. Maybe one day I'll look back and find it interesting to see how I felt back when I was 35, 4 years into this job.

What is the thing that keeps you up at night? What makes you lose sleep?

Honestly, I really don't lose sleep over very much at this point, but that wasn't the point of the question. What are my biggest worries? Corruption. I think a lot about what could happen in any region in Ghana on the turn of a dime if a single new person is introduced into a currently-working adoption system in the region. One new social welfare officer who is corrupt could mean the end of adoptions in that region (for our program). One corrupt nut-job added to the mix could mean the literal death of some children who would have otherwise been adopted into loving families. That's what keeps me up at night, because I have no control over it.

What do you like best about working with adoptive families?

Educating. I'm sure it's not obvious at all (sarcasm) that I get a high from teaching people. Teaching is what I do. It's my thing--whether it's music or adoption or anything else makes no difference. I am so thankful for the experiences the Lord has given me over the last 10 years, so that hopefully I can pass that knowledge onto others and save them from making some of the same mistakes I did!

What do you like least about working with adoptive families?

This answer surprised me, but it is what came to mind. I really hate it when one of "my" adoptive families goes to Ghana and acts like an Ugly American. I feel like "my" families receive enough educational material and advice from me that there really should be no reason for them to go there and act like the world revolves around them...like Ghana should become America during their stay. I feel embarrassed when this happens--like I have failed the family and our entire program. I feel that I did not do my job well if one of "my" families is "ugly" in Ghana, and that ticks me off!

How do you know whether the program is successful? [Not exact wording but that was the jist.]

I was pretty stumped on this one. I don't have tables and graphs that can measure success, so the question is, what do I value? Is it number of adoptions? Is it customer satisfaction? Is it something else? In the end, I fumbled over my words but I hope I conveyed this: The program feels successful to me if we are making a difference in the lives of kids in Ghana. Are we giving kids families or helping them keep the ones they already have and doing that at the greatest level possible? If so, I feel that the program is successful. A few years ago I worried about our numbers going up. I wanted to do more adoptions each year. Now, I don't necessarily look at adoption as the goal. Helping kids keep *OR* get families is the goal--whichever way makes most sense for each individual child. The other measure of success for me is whether "my" families feel that I have served them well.

How do you know if your customers are satisfied? [Again, it was different wording, but I can't recall what.]

Hmm... how do I know? I haven't exactly received costumer service surveys (although that would be nice)! I hear about the families that aren't happy, that's for sure; thankfully I don't think that is too many. In the end, I said that the biggest indicator of customer satisfaction is the calls/emails I get indicating that the person "heard" good things about me/AAI's Ghana program. I know if people are taking time out of their day to tell someone else about us, the family must have been satisfied with their experience. It's a good feeling.

There was one question I couldn't answer. The person asked me what was one wow moment that came to mind, that really illustrated to me what AAI was all about (not AAI Ghana, but AAI). I was totally stumped. If you're an AAI family and something comes to mind for you, I'd love to hear your answer! Maybe there is a particular child/family story, or interaction with staff, or, ????? I could think of lots of things that have inspired me during my time with AAI, but came up blank when ask for one particular thing that says what AAI is all about. I'm heading to bed now, and will give that some more thought!

Anita

In which the panic/excitement begins....

[Last year, in Bolga.]

My friend Heather posted recently about her upcoming adoption trip. She talked about how she was going back and forth between panic and excitement, depending on the hour. She nailed it! Even though my upcoming trip to Ghana is not an adoption trip for me, it is still "an adoption trip." I feel almost (maybe more) nervous about this type of trip than I do for my own personal adoption trips. I feel like a lot of folks' adoptions depend on me and how I represent AAI and international adoptions while I'm in Ghana.

NEED ANYTHING? This is going to be a SUPER busy 2 week trip, but if you need me to carry your dossier over, take a welcome bag, or other things like that, I'll be happy to do it. I need to know sooner rather than later so that I can plan my luggage weight accordingly. If you have kiddos that are waiting in a place I will be visiting, I would *LOVE* to take photos for you! Sometimes things happen, but I will do my very best. I will definitely be going to GMI (aka CKO), Nyame Dua (Teshie), Beacon House, and the foster home in Kwahu. I also hope to go to Eugemot (but not as sure on that one). If your kiddos is in another home just write to me privately and I can let you know if I can get there. aaighana@gmail.com.

WHAT TO DO? I don't think I have ever planned to do so much in one trip before. However, I've also learned that it's useless to plan for everything to go as planned when you go to Ghana. Some of these things will not happen. Other things will come up and be done that I wasn't planning on. Still, here's my hopeful "to do" list (or at least the things I can share publicly).

1. Visit GMI/CKO. Take pics of kids. Meet the amazing Emily M. on her last day in Ghana. Hug John, Irene, and the kiddos!

2. Visit Nyame Dua in Teshie. Take pics of kids. Give my brother Paul and his wife a huge hug! Lots of kiddo cuddling. Take letters/gifts from families. See how progress is going on the Boys' Dorm that is being built there!

3. Visit Beacon House. Give Romana and Mary a hug! Take kid pics for families. Soak up the love in the home!

4. Planning meeting with The Ripley Foundation. So much GOOD stuff going on with this awesome NGO. Can't wait to hug my friends J and M and talk about all of the awesome stuff we can do in the future!

5. Visit the foster home in Kwahu that is run by CompAfriCare. Take pics of kiddos. Hang out at the home and get to know Eastern Region a bit. Meet my friend K in person for the first time!

6. Visit City of Refuge Ministries in Tema. Can't wait to meet Stacy and crew, if they'll have me! Can't WAIT to meet a certain precious baby girl in their care. Can't wait to talk about how AAI might be able to contribute to CoR in the future!

7. Visit two orphanages in Central Region that would like to learn more about international adoption. There are so many loving homes in Ghana that just have a hard time believing the love we Americans have for these children. They need/want to hear about it and see it (through pictures) in person.

8. Visit the special needs kiddos at a government run orphanage. Take pics for their future parents. Visit with officials to convince them that there are loving American families that would absolutely accept these children into their lives!

9. Deliver post-adoption reports to Social Welfare. Get your reports in if they are due! I will take yours over, even if you didn't adopt through AAI. These are *SO* important to the future of Ghana adoptions!

10. Meet D and visit the foster home she and her husband have created for children with significant special needs. So excited!

11. Go to Togo! This is the most "iffy" thing on the list, but I am hopeful. I'd like to visit GMI's orphanage there, and speak to government officials.

12. Visit Volta Region. I wish Volta wasn't so spread out, because I would like to visit the places our GMI kiddos are from, and also head over to HoHoe so that I can visit Eugemot Orphanage and Bright's birth family (who lives just behind the orphanage). I would love to deliver pics of their little "spider baby!"

13. Visit Akisuma, Eastern Region: Can't wait to see the great things that Isaiah 1:17 has planned for this community, and how we might be able to help!

14. Visit TRF foster homes and take pics of kiddos. These are the private foster homes through The Ripley Foundation. Auntie Ruth and CeCe--I want hugs!

15. Go to my Auntie Comfort's for some serious lovin' and catching up. It's been too long since her arms have been wrapped around me and she's given me motherly advice!

16. There are 3 more orphanages I'd like to visit, to see what their needs are and to share with them about the love that is ready and waiting for the orphaned children in their care.

17. Visit the children and families that are sponsored through AAI/TRF. Take updated photos of those already sponsored, and new photos and info for those in need of sponsorship. If you are sponsoring and want to send a letter, I'm delivering!

18. I'm planning on a big 'ol Texas size hug from fellow Ghana mom Emily G! I'm hoping for similar size hugs from other traveling families! Party in Ghana! Let's meet at Next Door Beach Resort and watch the sunset together over an ice cold Fanta!

I guess that's it, off the top of my head. I'm sure I've missed something major that I'll remember later. The focus of this trip is to reaffirm existing friendships and to make new ones. "Program Development" would be the official phrase for that, I suppose. When I'm here in America I constantly "meet" new people or learn about new (to me) organizations that are doing amazing work in Ghana. There's only so much relationship that can be done from a distance. My trips to Ghana allow me to make real friendships with these folks. Those friendships can often lead to new ways for AAI to assist Ghana's orphaned children and vulnerable families!!!

Special Request (sort of). I'll be honest with you. It's a very big financial commitment for AAI to send me on this trip at this time. These are tough times in international adoption. However, they are sending me. They do this because they know it's important for our families to have a coordinator who is in touch with Ghana...someone who is on the ground an not just speaking from tourist guides. In the past there has been more room financially for me to take funds to DO things for the places I visit. Buying rice for the homes that have little to no food [yes, I'll be visiting homes like that]; taking educational toys for special needs kids; buying and donating items that certain homes need (fans, or a polytank, or bunk beds). There is no extra money in the budget this time. Heck--I'm not even going to be able to pick up the ticket when I go to dinner with a friend/collegue! I know this is a crazy request, but if you have a bit of extra money in the budget this month and are looking for some way to make a difference with it, I would be happy to use it to bless the homes I visit in Ghana. Remember, $5 will buy 30 eggs in Ghana! I will (obviously!) share with you exactly what is done with it--photos included. If you want it to be a tax deductible donations, we can do that! Just donate HERE and in "other" put "Anita's trip to Ghana." If you don't care about the tax deduction, I would be happy to send you my private address (or set up paypal). If no donations come, I understand. I know it's hard times. I just keep imagining going to these places empty handed. We ARE so rich. That will be hard.

Love,

Anita

Waiting Children!

These children have loving families!

Hi all,

This really is my personal blog so I try not to make it solely about my work with AAI, but this news merits sharing!!! For the first time EVER in 4 years I would say that we have a "waiting child list." This is so bitter sweet. Bitter to know that these precious ones do not know the love of a family right now. Sweet that they have been freed for adoption by Ghana Social Welfare and will know the love of a family as soon as we find them!!

Now that I have a 10.5 year old, I realize how young a 6, 7, or 8 year old is. But in the world of international adoption, anybody older than 6 has much less of a chance to be adopted than kids under six years. I understand why that is a reality. Families adopting "older" children need to be prepared for the realities of that challenge. But OH (!) what a blessing it can be when the right kids are matched with the right family! If you've been blessed by older child adoption I encourage you to post a comment so that others can be encouraged by you!

I can't speak about older child adoption but I can speak about Special Needs adoption!!! Among our waiting children are 3 precious young girls that are going to bless the socks off of their future family! Seriously folks, adding "special needs" to your life doesn't have to be a big deal. The thing is, once you know your child as your child, the special need becomes smaller in your mind. You somehow see past the g-tube, or the swolleness, or the immobility, or the threats, and instead just see your child. And you would do anything for your child! Just like older child adoption, obviously, a family needs to be prepared for the realities of the special need. But OH (!) what a blessing it can be when you open your heart to someone that may not be "perfect" on the outside but is perfect in every way that matters!

Right now AAI has been asked to advocate for 10 children that we don't currently have families for. Let me share a bit about them...

REGULAR ADOPTION PROGRAM:

Lynn is a 7 year old girl. She is healthy and beautiful. She is living a great private foster home in Teshie. Her adoption will go through in Accra Region.

Bea is a 6 year old girl. She is healthy and adorable! She is living in a fabulous group foster home in Teshie. Her adoption will go through in Accra Region.

Jo-Jo is a 7 year boy. He loves to pose for the camera! He is healthy. He lives in the same great group foster home as Bea. His adoption will go through Accra Region.

**Lynn, Bea, and Jo-Jo are from the same tribe and same area. It's possible that two of them could be adopted together (families with 4 or less children preferred if being placed together).

Corey is an 8 year old boy. He is healthy and seriously cute as a bug! Corey lives at Great Mission International Orphanage (aka CKO). His adoption will be completed in Volta Region.

DeeDee and Ceelo are siblings! DeeDee is 10 years old, and a great big sister to her baby brother. Ceelo is just 4 years old. These wonderful kids are healthy. I hear great things about them, especially DeeDee. They are living at GMI (aka CKO) and their adoption will be completed in Volta Region.p

Toby is a 6 year old boy. Because of paperwork delay, Toby has already been waiting for her family for over a year! He is absolutely precious. Toby is healthy, and lives in a great foster home in Bolgatanga. His adoption will be completed in the Upper East Region.

SPECIAL NEEDS PROGRAM:

Tess is such a sweetheart! She is a 3 year old girl living with CP (we believe it is minor). We're told that Tess scoots around on her bum because she is THAT determined to be mobile! We're told that she has typical cognitive abilities.

Anna is a winner! She is a 4 year old girl living with CP (we believe it to be moderate). Anna also suffers from seizures sometimes. We're told that her cognitive abilities are normal. Tess isn't mobile, but she sure looks happy in her stroller!

Mae-Mae is a survivor! She is a one year old, living with hydrocephalus. Mae-Mae was abandoned at the hospital as a baby. She had surgery to place a shunt at 8 months old. The shunt is doing a beautiful job of draining the excess fluid off of her brain. In the last few months Mae-Mae's appearance has changed greatly (although she was always beautiful).

**For the special needs children, biological families will not be involved. They are "wards of the state" in Ghana. We will expedite the adoption process as much as possible, and fees are reduced. Ghana does not have faith that we can find families for these children, but *I* believe with all of my heart that their families are out there!

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED....

AAI cannot "hold" children for families. However, if you have an approved homestudy or can update your homestudy VERY quickly, and are interested in adopting any of these children, please email me at aaighana@gmail.com. I have photos of all of these LEGALLY FREE FOR ADOPTION children and would be happy to share them privately with seriously interested families.

If you are interested but haven't begun a homestudy, it won't be possible to match you with one of these children at this time. HOWEVER, we always need families for older (than 6) and special needs children!!! You can get started today! [And you never know. Several of these children may still be waiting when you are ready.]

IF YOU ARE AN ADVOCATE...

Please consider forward info about these wonderful and deserving children to your blog, FB, yahoo groups, or personal email contacts. There ARE families for these children. It's all about getting the word out. I am glad that our program has expanded, but having a "waiting child list" is not what we want. These children deserve families RIGHT NOW!

Love,

Anita

Thankful--Part Two

Part One HERE.

Now we are 4 years later. Honestly, if you would have asked me if the little Ghana program I helped to start would still be around four years later, I would have said "probably not." Ghana reminded me a lot of Cambodia back then. I was afraid that corruption would cause the program to be short-lived. I was afraid that people would flood the country wanting to do adoptions and that it would topple the program into a huge mess. But it hasn't happened that way! In 2007 there were 30-some adoptions completed. In 2008 there was a "big" jump to 97 adoptions. 2009 and 2010 saw only small increases--to the low 100's.

Are there problems in Ghana adoptions? Of course. No perfect adoption programs out there. But all in all, the program feels more secure to me now than it did 4 years ago. The things that make the program difficult are also the things that make it valid. It's a pain sometimes to deal with officials that are so paranoid about child trafficking that they are afraid to do legitimate adoptions. It's hard to be patient when judges decide they can do no more adoption cases during X month because they don't want anybody to think they might be a child trafficker. But you know what? I am taking a moment and thanking those officials for being paranoid! It's because of that mentality that the country-wide program has remained small. Officials are commited to a small international adoption program. If history in international adoption has proven us anything, it's that they "exploding" programs are the ones that quickly topple over and end.

I have been absolutely blessed to have assisted with somewhere between 60-70 adoptions in the last four years (not counting any friend-to-friend assistance). In the world of international adoption, where programs are more often counted by hundreds or even thousands of placements, this is a drop in the bucket. But it's my drop. It's our (Ghana parents) drop. I'm really proud of that drop. But mostly, I'm thankful.

I've had the opportunity lately to be reminded how absolutely blessed I am to have the Ghana team I have. Truly, I am spoiled to work with this group of people. I don't have to spend my nights worrying about whether they are speaking truth to me. I don't have to wonder if they have the knowledge to bring a case to completion. I don't have to be concerned that they are trying to profit off of tragedy. And I think that is all because the Lord somehow gave us the foresight to start "small small." "Take it small, small Ani." How many times have my Ghanaian friends said this to me when my American sensibility has said to go faster and bigger?

Have there been bumps? Oh, most assuredly! We have learned some tough lessons. We even had to fire our first coordinator when his ethical standards didn't measure up. When our current coordinator came on board he had all the right professional experience to do this work (NGO worker, social worker, etc.) and we had the info needed to get him going. Now HE is the leader and we learn from him. =-) Now HE is teaching others in Ghana how to do ethical adoptions. What I'm saying is, the Lord has used it all to His glory. Every bump. Every valley. He has used it to teach us to better do this work.

As I head into another year of this work I feel very optimistic. Now we ARE able to take on more complicated cases. We are not limited to the basic. We can sometimes weave-in cases where nothing is "normal" but it is all still right. We can even take on additional partners--partners that are not as experienced. Hopefully, we can assist more in learning how to do adoptions without corruption in Ghana.

One lesson I took to heart long ago is, "The more I learn, the less I know." That is absolutely true in this work. Four years ago I thought I knew a LOT about this work. Now, I know that the learning never stops. Four years ago I may have thought there was some limit to our goals for this program. I'm sure I was thinking about one specific group of kids. Now, the more that is done, the more I see to do. We can lift up one group of people, but that only allows us to move on to another group. And we will never run out of people to lift up.

There is always something "new" to light a fire under me. Today I saw pictures of a child's leg. The child had a simple problem. He had not had a bath in a month because there was absolutely no water to spare for bathing where he lived. As a result, this child's legs were covered in sores. NO WATER! I'm not talking about no clean water. NO WATER. This evening my mind is racing about how we can step up to solve this, at least for this one child's community. Then what? What will be the next thing? What I know for sure is that there WILL be another thing. And I will count myself blessed to be burdened with it.

Thankful--Part One

Four years ago I wrote THIS post. I'm going to repost it here, because you'd have a hard time getting part 2 if you didn't read part 1. This is part one.

April 27, 2007

I think most people know this, but in case you don't...I've begun working with a great agency to set up a Ghana adoption program. This is a "dream come true" job for me, for which I am so thankful! It seems that I spend a good part of my time these days trying to think about any little loop holes we could have missed that will cause us problems later. Today I was trying to take a nap (I'm so spoiled!) and it occurred to me that setting up a pilot program is like crocheting. =-) I've tried to teach myself how to crochet off and on since I was 10 years old. Here's how it went the first 20 years... I would sit down with a crochet needle and some yarn. I'd put the yarn through my fingers with no thought of how it should be done--it was good enough. I'd fake my way through a slip knot (to get the yarn on the needle) then make a chain (the most basic stitch in crochet). No book. No teacher. No real knowledge about how to go about things beyond getting a flimsy foundation row (chain). Then I'd call my mom or MIL and ask what to do next. They'd try to tell me over the phone...I'd get half of the instructions mixed up...and start doing what I *thought* was crochet. Things would get all knotted up sometimes so I'd have to start over completely, losing all of the semi-progress I had made. Eventually I would end up with a knotted mess that looked nothing like the project I was trying to make. I would cut the yarn off (because it was too knotted to undo and try again)...put everything away...and determine that I didn't like crochet anyway! Eventually, over 20 years of this back and forth battle with crochet, I learned from my mistakes--I learned that I'd never learn without careful preparation and education! So 2 years ago I sat down with my MIL (a master crochet artist) and got committed. She made me practice over and over again how to weave the yarn between my fingers so that it slides easily as I make stitches. We worked for hours on making a slip knot (for some reason so hard for me!). She made me do simple chains over and over, before moving to the next step, because without a good foundation row it's hard to get going. Eventually I learned the next most basic stitch--a double crochet. From there I was off and running. But unlike past tries with crochet, I didn't just assume I knew what I was doing. I got books, and studied the language of patterns on the internet. The past 2 years I've made (what I consider to be) great progress and can now make a variety of projects successfully. So how does any of this relate to pilot adoption programs? Well... I think some agencies sit down and decide to make a program with the VERY best of intentions. They know the very basics of the country's laws, make some contacts in the country, and start advertising a program to adoptive families. To me, this equates to my basic knowledge of how to make a crochet chain. I didn't know what to do with it once it was made, but I knew how to make a chain. I knew just enough to be able to tell someone "Yes, I know how to crochet." Isn't this like some agencies that set up "just enough" of a program to advertise it, but really don't know how to go beyond the very basic structure they have established? On the other hand there are other agencies who decide they'd like to check into the *possibility* of beginning a *pilot* program in a country. The do basic research (i.e. learn how to make a crochet chain) in the US. Then they go to the country and do more research (practicing their chain). They make sure they have copies of the ACTUAL law ("how to" book). They consider all of the ways to go about setting up a program in that country (like choosing how difficult your project will be in crochet), and then choose a method that they hope will create a beautiful program. I think that usually these agencies decide to do things simply at first (like a simple granny square)--not wanting to challenge their knowledge of the adoption program of that country with unusual cases from the start. They start small (like a granny square) and practice what they know (making tons of granny squares), eventually building a solid international adoption program (a beautiful granny square afghan if you will). Also, (very importantly) whenever someone new comes into the administration of the program--like an in country coordinator with no previous experience--I believe that good agencies tutor that coordinator very, very, VERY closely (teaching how to hold the yarn, and make slip knots). I think that in this way an agency builds up a program in which every involved person has a good knowledge base of "the project." Maybe this only makes sense to me. But as I consider my small part in setting up a Ghana adoption program for other adoptive families I find myself taking it very seriously--wanting to build piece by small piece and not rush into big fancy projects for fear of ending up with a knotted mess. =-)

I'm going to be...

I'm going to be a Post Institute Certified Instructor for "The Great Behavior Breakdown!!!!" One day I might be included on THIS page!

If you're an AAI family you know who Bryan Post is. If not, you can learn about The Post Institute HERE. I first heard of Bryan Post when AAI sent me their required adoption education packet, including a 4 DVD educational series by Bryan Post. If you've sat through a lot of videotaped seminars you know how boring they can be. Not this. It was riveting information from beginning to end. What I learned completely changed the way I think about behaviors in my children.

Here are some tidbits that have been most revealing to me:

*Poor behavior (in anybody, not just kids!) is based in stress.

*At the core, there are two emotions: love and fear. All behaviors are rooted in love or fear.

*Oxytocin is a chemical in the brain that helps us to regulate stress.

*By giving our kids oxytocin-rich experiences, we can help them to regulate their fear/stress, therefore leading to more love-based responses rather than fear-based responses.

Isn't that cool stuff?!

Not long ago I got an email from The Post Institute describing upcoming events right here in Tulsa. Right here in my town, I could attend the training to become a certified instructor! There was that little issue of the $500 price tag, but this was such a great opportunity I didn't let that dissuade me.

Thankfully, my employer has offered to pay for the training!

I am not excited about this because I want to be all "bah-dee-da" about having a certification. I am excited because I truly believe in The Post Institute teachings and I WANT to know more. I want to know how better to communicate with the families I work with on understanding the stress model and how it can help their kids to heal AND help the parents to cope in the meantime! [Sorry, long confusing sentence.] I feel like this is life-changing stuff.

NOW--here's the thing--I AM COMPLETELY INTIMIDATED!!! Did you see the bios of the current instructors? Yikes. Here I am with my music education degree, plus "field experience." It will be interesting to see if I can keep my head above water with folks who have special letters after their names!

I have known for a few years now that I would like to go back and get my masters in social work. But I've also known for a few years that there is no way I could swing it right now (financially, but even more so because of homeschooling 4 young children and working pretty much full time.) Without a SW degree, I was hoping to at least add some sort of counseling certification or *something* that would beef up my resume for the work I love. I had no clue what that would look like. Now I do!

The Post Institute training is something I would have wanted to do regardless of anything else. It's just an extra special plus that it will look good on my resume! Please pray that I will represent AAI well and that my life experience will carry me through to certification!

P.S. Sorry for the blank post earlier! It was an edgy "enter" finger!

Ways you can help in Ghana

Today I sent out an email to my AAI families about ways they could assist with humanitarian projects in Ghana. If you read my blog often you know I don't usually "push" AAI stuff, but I figure maybe there are a few out there who aren't AAI families but are looking for great ways to support orphans and vulnerable children in Ghana! Family Preservation Sponsorships: For $35 a month you can sponsor a vulnerable child to go to school and receive lunch each day. These are children who are still living with their families, in part, because we are able to help with education. Alternatively, you can sponsor a vulnerable family by giving a food donation each month. This is a bundle of basic foods (oil, rice, beans) that will help the family fill the gap in their nutritional needs. Again, this food may literally be the difference in a child staying with their family or being put into alternative care. Currently there are FIFTEEN children ages 4-15 years who desperately need sponsors for their education. Please email anita@adoptionadvocates.org to choose a child or family to sponsor. You can set up ongoing monthly sponsorship through the AAI website. This is our greatest current need! Survival Paks: Our partner NGO in Ghana is collecting "Survival Paks" for women and children living on the street or in the marketplace. These are 2-gallon ziploc bags that contain essentials like soap, 2-yard cloth, flashlight and batteries, protein bars, and socks. [Those are the basics, but you can add other things that you think would be "essential."] Please consider putting together 2-5 bags to deliver when you travel to Ghana, or being willing to carry over bags that others have put together. If you're not an AAI family I can have our partner NGO meet you in Ghana! Diapers and Wipes: Although infants are only rarely available for adoption in Ghana, there are children in care of foster homes , hospitals, or birth families who are in need of diapers and wipes. Please consider donating disposable diapers in sizes 2, 3, and 4. Our partner NGO will distribute them to children as there is a need. Again, we can hook you up when you are in country if you are not an AAI family! Nyame Dua Boys' Dorm: Nyame Dua Foster Home cares for six teenage boys who are not able to be adopted. These boys are currently living in a wooden structure outside of the main house. This structure is literally falling apart as termites eat away the wood. Nyame Dua is currently fund raising to rebuild the structure with wood and concrete, including running water and electricity. The total estimated cost is $5000. We still need about $3000 in order to meet the financial goal and begin construction. This Boys' Dorm will provide a solid long-term home for these young men as they complete their teen years and enter into adulthood. Donations can be made to "Ghana: Boys' Dorm" on the AAI website. CKO Rent Money: Charity Kingdom Orphanage is a small orphanage in Teshie that cares for 30-50 kids at any given time. When Eban House (AAI's Children's Home) closed last April we were able to "give" the home to CKO rent free for a year. This home is currently raising money to pay their rent. for the next two years The total needed is $10,000 to pay 2 years rent. Someone has offered to match donations up to $5000, so each dollar you donate turns into $2. The rent is due at the end of May. Donations can be made to "Ghana: CKO Rent" on the AAI website or through Feeding The Orphans. Food: Sometimes this need is overlooked, but there is always a need for a simple donation of food! Each month we give several hundred cedis worth of food to a handful of orphanages and foster homes in Ghana (as much as the budget allows). We do not give cash, but an actual food donation. At the top of this post you can see this month's food donation to Nyame Dua. Food donations can be made in any amount. Just designate "Ghana: Food Project" on the AAI website. Every dollar received is directly added to what AAI already gives each month. With the rising cost of food in Ghana the homes have a greater need than ever. Caregivers: Most of the children's homes in Ghana are greatly understaffed. $150 a month can provide a home with a much needed additional caregiver for the children. Recently, a few homes have had to reduce the number of caregivers because they simply don't have the funds to pay their salary. If your family is in the position to make a monthly donation (or one large donation) to provide a caregiver to an orphanage, please email anita@adoptionadvocates.org for more information. The salary is distributed monthly by our partner NGO in Ghana. Maybe you're adopting through an agency that isn't set up to do much family preservation work in Ghana? Maybe you've already adopted but are looking for ways to stay connected with the country? Maybe you aren't adopting at all but are hoping to meet the call to care for orphans? As I mentioned at the top, this is just a handful of ways you can assist AAI's humanitarian efforts in Ghana. As a reminder, all donations are tax deductible, and there are no administrative costs taken out of your donation. Every penny you donate goes directly towards your intended purpose!!

Awesome Birthday Gift

I mentioned last week that I had an awesome birthday, in part, because of a very special gift from Ghana. Well, knowing that Baby Princess is now in the safe and loving arms at City of Refuge was the best gift I could have received!! I got news on my birthday, and the very next day she went to her interim home (until she can be adopted)!

Got HERE to read the whole story.

Going, Ghana, Gone

Well, I need to let go of my illusion that I'll be going to Ghana sometime in the next few months. I've really had the itch lately. I so miss my friends, and the list of new people I need/want to meet is getting longer and longer as the months pass by. I hate not knowing (in person) the group of kids we're currently advocating for, and would really like some hugs from them. =-)

I haven't posted about it on my blog yet, but my mother-in-law is battling breast cancer. She is being a super trouper, but the reality is that she's down. She's tired, and she's sick. She simply can't care for my crew while I go to Ghana.

We have a friend who would be willing to take the kids, but Eric really wants to avoid sending the littles ones away from family again. Without the big ones, the little ones are even harder for someone to care for (since the bigs are such a huge help).

Eric said he would just take off work while I was away and stay home with all of the kids. I love that my guy would sacrifice 1 of his 3 weeks of PTO for me to go to Ghana, and I love that he feels like he could do it, but I don't have peace about that. He's a Type I Diabetic with low vision. He can't see when the kids are getting into stuff. If they want to hide from him, they can. He sometimes goes into seizures from low blood sugar in the middle of the night. Either I would have to have a big kid sleeping in the bed with him so they could call 911, or he could go into seizure and never wake up. Umm...I don't think I want to put that kind of responsibility on my 9 and 10 year olds!

If it gets to the point that I MUST go to Ghana, we'll figure it out. Right now we're at the "really, really want to verging on need to" stage. We're not at "must."

Now, I'm thinking/hoping/dreaming that by August the MIL will be over this cancer business--not just so I can go to Ghana but also because I sort of love her! Until I can head back over I will have to continue experiencing the country through the eyes of other adoptive families. Take good pictures please, and eat some Red Red for me!

All I want for Christmas...

Is another 23 days like this one! [minus the news of a heart issue]

In the last 10 months or so the good days with Ghana adoption have become fewer and farther between. Obviously, there are LOTS of days when a family receives good news and I get to give it. But there are few days when ALL of the news is good.

Today was a banner day. I didn't have any big bad news to give. I got to help make families! Woo-hoo! There is nothing like seeing the "waiting children" folder become smaller and the "matched children" folder becoming bigger! Well, I take that back. It is even better to see the "matched" children folder become smaller while the "post-adoption" folder becomes bigger! LOL!

Beyond adoption stuff I got to help plan some super-fun Christmas activities for some special kids and families in Ghana. This is all thanks to the amazingly generous families who are donating to the 2010 AAI Holiday Project!

Beyond "work" (I hate calling it that), I had a good family day. It wasn't a bad fibromyalgia day. The kids all had good behavior. They looked super cute at the doc's office, because Taevy decided they should all dress in their Christmas best for Dr. Connie. [The doc even wanted to take a picture! LOL!] The big kids got their school done. The little kids' played well together. I was a good mommy--not yelling, and praising them much more than criticizing them! Eric and I met our goal of being even more kind and respectful of one another, rather than falling into that trap where you are more snappy with your mate than you would ever be to some stranger on the street. And to top it all off, the Christmas tree is up and the lights are on! [No, we're not going to discuss the 16 boxes of Christmas decorations and ornaments still to be put out.]

Ahhh... This day was a gift, to be sure. These are the types of days that make all of the other ones bearable. Thank you Lord.

Anita

Missing Eban

Eban--an Adinkra Symbol in Ghana, standing for "love, safety, and security,"

Eban House closed over half a year ago. Eban House was the care center AAI opened in 2007, when our Ghana program first started. For 3 years we were able to help kids who were all shriveled up upon arrival to slowly grow and blossom into beautiful blooms. For three years we were able to support the local economy in a small way, by employing 20 Ghanaians not just with a living wage, but also benefits such as health care and vacation time. For three years AAI parents were able to know who was responsible for their future child's care--and able to keep their agency accountable if the care wasn't what they wanted it to be. For three years, we had an Eban House family--current residents, "graduates," employees, and volunteers.

I hate that it's all gone now. This little children's home should have been nothing more than a small blip, except to the children and families that benefited directly from the home. Instead, because it was started and supported by an adoption agency, the powers that be in Ghana refused to see it for what it was. They assumed (wrongly) that there must have been some sort of profit. They assumed (wrongly) that there must have been some sort of ulterior motive. When new residential home standards were put out by the government, we worked our tails off to make sure we met every standard. And then we were one of the first to apply under the new standards to be a fully licensed children's home under Ghanaian law. We did everything "right." It didn't matter.

There are very, very few "legal" and licensed children's homes in Ghana. That has been the case for a long time, and for a long time nobody did anything about it. But in the last few years Ghana made it very clear that their goal was to close down up to half of the homes (in favor of private foster care or family reunification), and license only the best. It sounds good, in theory. But in reality greed becomes a very real part of the deal. Licensing "the best" never really happened. Closing of homes (some good, some bad) has happened.

Here we were with Eban House. What to do? We say we're going to run a program that is fully within Ghana's laws, and yet we are running a home that is no longer licensed. Lots of others are doing it. Heck! There are several U.S. adoption agencies that are right now running homes, usually calling them "foster homes," that are completely unlicensed and therefore illegal in Ghana's eyes. Why couldn't we do the same? 1. Because we said we would operate within the law. 2. Because we were the "first" and therefore the one to draw all of the attention.

Eban closed in April 1st of this year. And I mourn her every day. I see kids in other orphanages and I mourn the conditions they are living in. I cringe at the thought of 50 kids and 1-2 caregivers, or no money to take a malaria-stricken child to the hospital. Our kids were so well cared for, in comparison. It makes me angry. I have a sour feeling in my heart, because I had to end something GOOD in order to do what was legal and right.

Let me take it a step further and say, I feel jealous of some of those other homes. I think to myself, "Why do they remain open without a license? How do those agencies justify it? Where is the justice?" And yet,how is it just for the children if these homes are closed. I just wish it were a fair playing ground. However, I am the one that created this hard standard. Others aren't required to work by my standard. The one thing I promised myself when I started this work in 2007 was that I would never compromise on corruption. But most certainly, there have been many sacrifices in order to stay away from it. Eban House was sacrificed.

One day I hope that Ghana Social Welfare is structured enough to license not only children's homes of high standard, but also adoption agencies of high standard. In Ethiopia the government keeps track of the work an adoption agency does not only for orphaned children, but for ALL of the vulnerable in the country. Shame to the agency that is not taking part in programs beyond that of assisting the adoptable child.

Lately I've been feeling sorry for myself because I'm not making many friends in the community when I talk about stuff like this. I find I am less and less "popular" the more real I become about stuff. [And honestly, I like to be liked!] People don't like to hear about corruption. They don't like to ask hard questions of their adoption agencies. They are only against corruption as long as their child can still come to America. Few of us would stand against corruption if it meant we were no longer able to adopt.

Hmm...I'm getting off subject. I'll stop here.

Eban House, I miss you, and all you were meant to be.

These are the people...

THESE are the people my heart is burdened for. THESE are the people that bring me out of bed after a bad day and cause me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know that there are many of us out there, that can only keep going because of the chance that every once in a while we can be the servants of God, to help people such as THESE to come out of the ashes and to rise once again.

The longer I do this sort of work the more my heart is stirred in the direction of the vulnerable, so that they many never become the orphan or the widow. It's a lie to say "I want to work myself out of a job." but if that job title changed, because there was no more need, I would be thrilled.

Slander

"Slander: a false, malicious statement (spoken or published), especially one which is injurious to a person's reputation"

I'm having one of those days where my world of being an adoptive parent and my world of being an adoption coordinator are colliding.

As an adoptive parent, I have been very outspoken about my experiences (both positive and negative) with the agencies we've employed to assist with our adoptions. I firmly believe that we, as adoptive parents, should be able to report negative experiences without the worry of an agency coming back and threatening to sue for "slander" if we don't keep our comments to ourselves. People have to be able to learn about unethical agencies. People need to be brave and share the truth.

Truth. Therein lies the problem.

When I've spoken out about negative experiences I've had, I've spoken the truth *OR* have been very clear that this has been MY experience or is MY opinion (i.e. it's subjective).

Agencies have such the ability to ruin a family's lives if they lie. They must be held accountable. There are many people out there that (truthfully) say that agencies aren't held accountable enough. However, I would argue that we adoptive parents have even less accountability. This is what I've thought about for the first time today.

If I would have wanted to, I suppose I could have written all sorts of lies about some of my previous experiences. I could have posted on all of the "adoption agency ratings" boards, carefully planning out my attack to make my agency look to be something much different than it was. Everybody eats up a "bad agency" story. And a "bad coordinator story?" Well, that's even juicier. Agency personnel are very rarely allowed on those sites, so families have the ability to write the TRUTH without fear of a lawsuit. This is a good thing. But what happens when the adoptive family doesn't tell the truth?

Nothing.

There's no "bad family" reporting sites out there. There's no way for one agency to report to another when a family has acted in a way that is truly concerning. If an agency stops working with a family for good reason, the family does not have to report that to the next agency. They can go, sign up, and still adopt. I believe this is where we get children into families that truly should not be adding a child through adoption.

But see, now I feel like a bad guy as an adoptive parent. Because adoptive parents are already scrutinized enough, right? I know I've felt that way. I don't need another government agency breathing down my back! Just leave me along with my kids already, right?

The system is flawed. If someone chooses to write absolute lies about me (by name) and puts it out there on the internet, I, as an adoption coordinator have no recourse. There's nothing that can hold that family accountable for their lies. Nothing on earth anyway.

Today, for the first time, I "get" why agencies threaten to sue for slander. As an adoptive parent I read those negative reviews and store them away as truth--or maybe exaggerated truth. I don't tend to question an adoptive parent's experience when written online. Why would someone lie about that sort of thing?

They lie because they are hurt. They are hurt that something didn't work out, and they need some one to blame. They want to hurt someone back. They want someone to pay.

We all (agencies and adoptive parents) have such a huge responsibility to speak truth. In the end there is a certain amount of "honor system." Sometimes I question how much "honor" is left out there...

Anita...who is thankful that my ultimate judge always knows the truth

Keeping it Real...

[Forgive me. I need to vent some things and it's going to look like a pity party. Don't pity me. Just pray for me!]

I could really us your prayers.

I'm weary.

Very weary.

I'm in that funky place where I have too many things on my plate and don't feel that I'm doing any one thing well. The guilt is overwhelming me. Yes, I know this is just satan attacking. I know my strength and hope are in the Lord. I know there is no reason to worry about tomorrow. But I'm being real here. I'm not perfect, and I'm down.

Health: Stinky. I've stopped losing weight. The fibromyalgia is in full force. I'm so very very tired all the time (that happens when the pain from the fibro is more than usual, because sleep is a release from the pain).

Wife: Eric is getting total leftovers from me, and pickins' are slim! He's understanding (as always) but I don't like taking advantage of the fact that he can go longer without my full support than other areas of my life.

Kids: It's summer, so the "school" schedule is very light to nonexistent. But this leaves 4 kids who are so bored they can't stand it. Mommy is too tired or too busy with work, so there have been no fun outings during the day, even though I've got a hundred things planned in my head. Big kids are helping with little kids WAY too much, because I'm too busy with work or too tired/sick with Fibro. Not fair to them. I'm a realist and teach my kids that life isn't fair. They know that. Lots of things about their lives aren't "fair." But I wish for more for them than they've received lately.

House: My poor house! I'm so sick of the clutter. Whatever housekeeping does get done is usually done by Eric and the big kids lately. Or what I do is just enough to keep roaches out of the house! I don't like living this way. I've never had a super clean house--never will. But the current standard is way low. If Eric had a full set of eyes and could see the grime I'm sure he would flip!

Work: It feels like one step forward two steps back lately. I try to look at the bright side of Ghana adoption, but currently the embassy is like a huge black cloud over any brightness I could otherwise see. I don't like hearing about people I care about being treated like crap by my fellow American citizens. I don't like "guilty until proven innocent" mentality. There isn't enough time in the day for me to do all of the things I would like to do for the families and children I care about. And sometimes I wonder, "Who am I?" that people are counting on me to help solve these complicated issues. I feel unworthy and unqualified to do this sometimes. I don't feel good enough.

Miss Okie: We are so very thankful for Eric's kidney. It's what we prayed for for 3 years. But darn it, Miss Okie is just taking her sweet time to acclimate to Eric's body. I figured that six months after transplant we'd be going for labs and appointments once a month. Eric continues to have "small scares" over and over again. His creatinine level is up and down like a roller coaster. The doctors always say not to worry, and then schedule extra appointments (like kidney ultrasound) and keep him coming back every week. His medication levels never seem to settle in to a good groove. So we still have lab/appointments once a week. This does not sound like such a big deal. It really takes very little time from my life because Eric's dad even takes him! We just pick him up after the appointment and take him on to work. The thing is, the constant worry that Miss Okie is going to putter out on us at any moment. There's always a small background stress related to the kidney failing. We thought by now Eric would be living the high life! But instead, because of complications he's having, he's more weak than he ever has been. He was supposed to have all of this energy and stamina! Not so much. Not at all. I look forward to the time when everything is settled with the kidney--when we can go six months without thinking about it. That's how I thought it would be. Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe this is how it is--always wondering if the next day will bring kidney rejection? I think I'm having a hard time accepting that. =-(

Bright: Something is going on with Bright. Something is coming to a head. And it bugs me to all get out that I can't figure out what's going on. His behaviors almost remind me of high level autism. And they are so odd and random that I can't make a list of them. I just don't know how to help him. That drives me crazy. If he was sick, I would feel qualified. If I saw attachment or sensory issues, I would feel qualified. But I just don't "get" this. And I haven't found time or energy to research whatever resources might be out there. I don't even now what direction to go because I don't know if it's behavioral, psychological, food/chemical sensitivities, or something else all together! What all this LOOKS like in our home is a lot of aggression (bordering on abuse) from Bright--lots of fights and constantly having to oversee him so as to help him be more successful. We're "tomato-staking" right now. Bright is always by my side. I'm trying to help him succeed. But even with him right by my side he still manages to be unsuccessful in controling his behaviors.

Kendi: Kendi is losing weight. This is something I do have experience with (Samren). She's gained 2 pounds since she came home 9 months ago. Well....she gained 4, and has lost 2 in the last six months. She weighs 23 pounds. She continues to grow taller though. It's not a picky-eater thing. She's not a picky eater. She just doesn't eat enough anymore. I've observed this over the last several months, but I know that I am extra sensitive to kids who don't eat enough (because of Samren) and told myself not to worry about it. Yesterday's appointment with Dr. S. in Arkansas confirmed that her growth curve is going down now. =-( It's really not a big deal yet. I know this. She's active and healthy. We just need to add calories everywhere we can (cream instead of milk; milk instead of water, butter on everything, etc.). I need to try harder to get her to eat her food rather than saying, "You've had long enough to eat. Put it in the sink." We used to spend 6 hours a day (literally) trying to feed Samren. Taking extra time to feed Kendi when she won't eat on her own won't take nearly that long. But it is more time when I've got all of these other things screaming in my ears--"PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"

Dr. S. asked me yesterday how everything was going, generally. How is life? I took a moment to consider and told her everything was good. I've got four amazing kids, and a fantastic husband. I've got a job I am passionate about, and get to do something in my daily life that I feel makes an eternal difference in the lives of children. I live in a nice home. My kitchen is full of food. I have NO reason to complain about my life. It IS a good life. It's just a bit too much life right now. I'm weary. I'm not sure how to bring it all back down to a level where I feel that I'm doing all things well at the end of the day.

The guilt. See, now I've taken 1/2 an hour to write this post when I should have been doing other things--so more guilt! But writing is my release. I'll feel better after I'm finished writing this. Truly I will. I'll probably go off and have a good day. But generally, I would covet your prayers over these areas of my life, if little 'ol me happens to make it into your prayers. Really, if the Fibromyalgia were under control everything else would have much more attention. This stupid illness takes too much from my life.

Love,
Anita

Now I lay me down to sleep....

But before I do, I have to put it out there. I really like my job. There have been times the past few months that I did NOT like my job and really prayed about my future. But I like it, mostly because I work with the best families in the world of adoption. I really believe that. I think there's something about Ghana that draws great families, and something about the agency I work for that draws even greater families. Ghana families aren't the "spoiled" families who adopt from quick and easy countries. They are hardy people that are ready to fight hard for their kids from the very beginning. I am blessed by them every day. Hardly a day goes by when I don't have someone tell me "thank you" or "I'm praying for you." How many jobs come with benefits like that?! [Not that I exepct thank yous and prayers, but I'll never turn them down!]

Anita....who is headed to bed record-early tonight.

The "House"

A sweet, sweet friend that also happens to be a (post-adoptive) AAI Ghana family posted THIS BLOG POST today. I have to admit H, you had me in tears.

I've tried to keep a brave face on about the closing of Eban House. I know it was the most right thing we could do with the heap of gray choices we had. Social Welfare made it clear they didn't want adoption agencies intimately involved in the running of a children's home, large foster home, etc. (whatever name we want to put on it). I say that I want our program to run completely within the recommendations of officials in Ghana. It was much harder to actually do that when it came to Eban House. I didn't want to give Eban up.

Three years ago I was very excited to be given the opportunity to help set up AAI's Ghana program. But I was *MOST* excited to be involved in the setting up of an awesome children's home. Not only did several AAI staff invest a lot of time into setting up the infrastructure and administration of the home, but the agency spent a LOT of money to set up and maintain the home when there was absolutely NO guarantee that we would ever complete a single adoption. People don't get to see the behind-the-scenes of an agency. And sadly, lots of folks assume that the behind the scenes of an agency is focused on profit and gain. I wish that people could see ONE DAY behind the scenes of a truly good agency. Did Merrily (our director) ever put pressure on me or our Ghana staff to do a certain number of adoptions in order to recuperate all of the money invested in the home? No. Never. If anything was ever needed for Eban House, AAI found a way to make it happen. The adoption fees charged funded many of the needs of Eban House, but not even close to all of the needs. AAI met those needs. I can't tell you how much this meant to me as an employee of AAI, but also as a parent to an Eban House kid!

It wasn't just a house. It wasn't just another children's home. It was the place where my daughter blossomed into the young lady that she is. She was withering away before she came to Eban. She left Eban House a confident, spunky, HEALTHY child. Even though I've talked about the money part, what really makes a difference is the LOVE part. My daughter was loved. To Muna, and Cece, and Auntie Comfort, and Auntie Ruth, thank you. Thank you for keeping my daughter alive. Thank you for loving the hurt and sick and beaten down children who entered those gates--unconditionally. Thank you for helping them blossom.

As I move forward...as our program moves forward...I try to look at all of the good things to come. Financial sense says that we can do a lot more humanitarian aid in Ghana without the expense of running a children's home. Our adoptive families' fees will go further and do "more" good. But it's still hard to come to terms with this loss. Because it wasn't just a house. It was a home. Not just the home for those children, but in many ways it was my home in Ghana. After a hot, chaotic day I could walk into those gates, see the children's faces, and feel safe. Eban was my soft place to fall. Now it's gone.

My daughter has lost the only home she remembers in Ghana. And in some ways, I've lost my home too. I keep thinking about my down time during the upcoming trip. On the days when I don't have anything official to go, what will I do? Just hang out in my hotel room? What a waste. I've never really missed my kids too terribly in Ghana, and have always attributed that to the fact that I always got my daily allotment of kid hugs. =-) I have a feeling I will miss my kids more on this upcoming trip than I ever have before. I'm sure it will work out. I'm sure I will find a new way to "be" in Ghana. It just feels scary and sad.

Sorry for the disjointed post. Still processing....