Donate Life

It has been an incredibly long few days. I feel selfish saying that, since it wasn't my husband that died, but my sister's. I don't know how she has made it through the last week. She is so incredibly strong. I think I would be a blob on the floor--waiting for others to carry me through the days. She, instead, is carrying others.

The funeral services for my brother-in-law Dan have concluded now. Our family will always carry a certain sadness at losing him, but there is also a certain peace at knowing it is not a permanent separation.

One of the things that that I learned the last several days was a bit of what it is like to be on the other side of organ donation.

My husband was the recipient of a kidney 21 months ago. We refer to "her" as "Okie." Okie has been a good and strong kidney for my husband. I cannot adequately express the freedom we feel (and appreciate) each day after enduring almost 3 years of dialysis. 21 months in, we are still seeing the nephrologist once monthly to check levels, but there is no comparison to the rigors of dialysis.

Because of a young doctor (and inquisitive family members who knew how to use google) we happen to know the circumstances surrounding the death of the person who donated a kidney to Eric. I remember feeling so elated when we got "the call." The family and I were celebrating that evening in the hospital room before Eric's surgery the next morning. Eric, was less than celebratory. As we prayed for the surgery to go well, Eric (with much conviction) asked us to please remember the family of the person who had donated the kidney. He felt a huge burden on his heart for them.

The person that donated a kidney to Eric died in a somewhat similar way to our brother-in-law. It was a shocking and unexpected thing for the family members. It was a head injury. The person was kept alive through machines while organs were donated to others.

What we learned through Dan's death is a bit about what it is like for those that donate their organs. It *IS* a sacrifice. Our family members had to be in that horrible place of limbo (between Dan's life and death) for longer than they would have had to, had my sister not decided to donate his organs. Calls have to be made. At least 8 people got "the call" that they have been waiting and hoping and dreaming of--a donor match. All of those people have to get to the hospital. Blood tests have to be done, confirming match between donor and recipient. There is a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that we never realized when we were the recipient of the gift.

Please, consider donating your organs. Make it KNOWN to your family members that when you pass, those are your wishes. [They will ultimately have to make that decision, and it will be easier for them if they know where you stood.] Know that your sacrifice will make a difference in many lives. Maybe it's a husband--and father to four, like my Eric. Maybe it's new sight to a person who needs a cornea transplant. Maybe it's new skin for someone who has had a mastectomy. Maybe, it's a beating heart to someone who would otherwise pass away. Making the choice to DONATE LIFE may mean that it takes just a bit longer for you to join Jesus, but I have a feeling He would give His blessing and will wait up a bit longer for your arrival.

Love,

Anita

P.S. We found out my brother-in-law was actually in the process to see if he could be Eric's living donor for the kidney. We just happened to have gotten "the call" before he was finished with the matching process. Don't forget that living donation is also a MUCH needed thing! People who receive living donor organs have a much higher success and longevity rate.

I am in Love.

Today I was erasing old emails off of my gmail account. I came across the one below, written on January 20, 2009, with pics attached.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anita Gillispie
Date: Tue, Jan 20, 2009 at 3:53 AM
Subject: I am in love.
To: Eric, Mom

I'm in love with Mabel. M.A.B.E.L. Mothers Always Bring Extra Love.

**********************************************

That's all I wrote. Short and sweet! That was the first time my mom and Eric would have heard about Kendi. "Hey Eric. I met your fourth child today. See her pic? Ready to go?" Ha! I wonder what he felt when he opened that email? I knew I had some sort of connection with Kendi Mabel even before I traveled to Ghana that January, but even I didn't know she was my daughter. Once I met her, I knew. *I* knew. My mom and husband didn't know. =-) There was a lot of praying going on for the next several weeks after I got home. It's not every guy that would step out to adopt a potentially sick child when they are doing dialysis and waiting on a kidney transplant. I am so, so thankful that my husband jumped off the cliff with me and said "yes" to Mabel. Mothers Always Bring Extra Love. So do daddies. =-)

One Year with "Okie"

One year ago today Eric received his kidney transplant! Things are going great. We're to the point now that Miss Okie (as we lovingly refer to the kidney) is not an every day (or even every week) thought. And that feels good! Here are my posts from a year ago.

KIDNEY KIDNEY KIDNEY KIDNEY!!!!!

IT'S FOR REAL!!!

Pefect weekend for a kidney...

Finished.

We thank the Lord every day for the blessing of this kidney. We know Okie probably won't last forever, but we hope she'll be good for a good 20 years!

Cabin Fever

Kids conked out on our bed after a long hard day of vegging.

Uh-oh! This is what happens when Bright's newly oiled head lays on a shedding Akita. Yikes!

Eric is about to go C-R-A-Z-Y being in this house! LOL! He's been home from the hospital almost a week now. He doesn't hurt enough to take pain pills (praise!) and has more energy than he's had for a long time. Oddly, he doesn't really see the change that I do. Before the surgery Eric would sit in front of the TV and fall asleep within seconds. He would doze in and out all night long--weekend or weekday didn't matter. Then he would go to bed at 10pm...11pm TOPS, and sleep easily until mid morning if he didn't have work the next day.

Now, Eric doesn't want to sleep. He is up. He doesn't fall asleep accidentally in front of the T.V.. He really doesn't even want to sit in front of the TV. He wants to do something. They won't let him work yet, so he's started a blog (details soon)--a pet project where he will share deals he's found on the internet and such. He's working hours on end on this blog. He's going to bed after midnight and is up by 8am. It's really sort of funny to observe since he doesn't see that he's different. =-)

One thing is for sure. We ALL have a bit of cabin fever going on. The kids are bored of being home all the time, so they seem extra loud. Eric isn't used to being around the LOUD kids 24/7, so they are driving him batty. I've already gotten the, "I don't know how you do it!" comment. Not because what I do is hard, but because the kids drive him crazy. On the other hand, I'm not used to have Eric home all the time, so HE is the one driving me crazy! LOL! Add in a good dose of Predisone (which makes the taker pretty cranky) and you can imagine what it's like around here. Earlier tonight Eric hid himself away in the bedroom just to get some peace and quite. Poor guy. It's not like he can hop in the car and go for a quick errand just to get away for a bit.

Still, if Cabin Fever is our worst "symptom" from a kidney transplant, I think that is worth a PRAISE! Don't you?!

My Thank You Note:

I have always hated writing Thank You notes. In general, I have a terrible time mailing anything on time (even bills). I never get around to Christmas Cards, and many times don't get around to thank you notes. I'm so embarrassed to admit this, but I never even got Thank You cards out for my wedding! That's not to say I'm not thankful though. It's just the mail thing. I actually love writing my thoughts down (as this blog might suggest). I know with the craziness of the next month I will never get around to "real" thank you notes, so please accept this one.

Mom and Dennis: You dropped everything in a heartbeat to bring my children into your home this week. You drove six hours to and from Wichita, in one day, when you were planning on a day of rest. [Remember, my mom is just getting her strength back after a prolonged illness.] You took my children even though Dennis had knee surgery this week. You kept them on track with their homeschooling. And even though you were 3 hours away you were "there" for me every time I called this week. I hope that Eric and I are always as good of parents as you are to us. Thank you.

Aunt Sherry: Thank you for sacrificing your entire Saturday to drive up with Mom and Dennis at the drop of a hat. Thank you for being there for my mom, and making that drive with her again tomorrow. I have never ever questioned how much you love us. Just know we love you back. Thank you.

Aunt Margaret: I would have never thought to ask you to come up during Eric's surgery. I felt I was fine waiting it out alone. But having you there for those last few hours was a blessing I didn't see coming. I've always loved and respected you so much. But I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of just sitting and talking with you for two whole hours, just you and me! It was a special time that I will never forget.

Nichole: Nichole, I don't think I have ever been more proud to call you my sister. During your first week of no smoking you took on a task that is way beyond the scope of your normal activities. You watched 4 or 5 kids from early morning until early evening. You did a great job with the kids' homeschooling. And no, they do not think you are mean Aunt Nichole! They just know you aren't a push-over, which I really appreciate. Even though I'm sure you were greatly tempted to smoke this week, you didn't. You stayed strong. And each day you remain strong I learn from you and become more proud of you. Eric and I and our children will continue to cheer you on and pray for you as you make these amazing positive changes in your life. [Nichole is going back to church after 15 years, she's stopped smoking, and she is keeping her home very clean.] We will be there for you, just like you were there for us this week. We love you. Everybody, if you want to read more about my kids' week through the eye of my sister (including photos) check out her blog! Don't forget to cheer her on!!!

Friends, Bloggy/E-friends, Family, and Church Family: Thank you for your prayers this last week. They were honestly felt. When we asked for prayers for Eric's blood sugars THAT VERY NIGHT they got under control. Since that night they have been beautiful. We believe with all our hearts that your prayers made that difference. Thank you for praying for the donor's family. Thank you for uplifting me and my children. Thank you for your continued prayers and support in the coming weeks. Our surgeon told us today that some donor kidneys can be mistreated and still last a long time. Other donor kidneys are mistreated ONCE and that will kill the kidney. That's scary because we are fallible humans after all. We have about 50 pills a day (not exxagerating) to keep track of. Eric has 120 ounces of water to drink every day. We have four kids that accidentally kick and jab and bump because they are kids. Eric's kidney is now basically on the right side, beside his bellybutton. You can literally FEEL the kidney. It's not as protected as our kidneys are naturally. God's design is better. =-) So we ask that you continue to pray for Eric. Continue to pray that Miss Okie can "take a licking and keep on ticking!" We need her to be a tough ol' girl!

Love to all,
Anita

Day 5 Post Op: We're Outta Here!

Yes, it's true! Eric has the all clear. Things couldn't be arranged in time today, so we'll get out sometime tomorrow morning (which means afternoon, but who cares!). It's really amazing to me that 5 days after a major foreign organ was put into my husband he is ready to leave the hospital. Amazing.

Kidney function level is down to 1.68 today. It had to be below 2 before we left. They are very impressed. =-)

Eric was a rock star with drinking water and moving around today.

His pain is getting much better. It's no longer an all-over sort of pain. It's just around the incision site now. Not to say that it isn't still major pain. I'm sure I would be a total wimp still. But his pain is being managed nicely with pain killers.

Since we're going home on a weekend we won't have an appointment on Saturday or Sunday. We'll just have to go to the hospital for lab work. Then starting on Monday we'll go every day for an appointment AND labs for at least the first half of the week. Maybe we'll get Thursday off. We aren't sure. The following week we'll go for labs/appointments every other day. Eventually we'll get to 2X weekly, then once a week, once a month, and finally once a quarter (hope to get there after about six months post op).

Today Eric was unhooked from everything! First, the catheter came out. The man was happy to pee himself for a change! Next came his arm IV. Then finally the central line in his neck (disconnected but not OUT yet). He feels good being able to simply get out of bed, without all of the junk he had to drag around with him.

Blood sugars continue to be a DREAM. We keep waiting for the high sugars to hit. They assure us that his sugars will go out of control high once the immune suppressants really kick in. So far so good though. We'll just hope the Lord keeps it this way!

Eric is full of life again, making jokes and all. Today he told me that he's afraid he's going to turn into the girl on a road trip that has to stop at every gas station to pee. Let's just say he's going to the bathroom A LOT more than he has in the last 10 years.

I guess that's about it for now. A good day all around, in every way.

Okie Update, Day 2

Eric, afternoon of day 1. His color is much better now. He is also not nearly as swollen.

Our record has been 8 bags of solution and 2 IV stands. You should have seen them trying to move him around with all this stuff hooked to him!

Yes, his name is "Okie." An old e-friend of mine has a daughter who received a kidney transplant 2 (?) years ago. She informed us last night that we really MUST name Eric's new kidney. Her daughter has a name for her kidney and they pray for the kidney by name. They want to pray for Eric's kidney by name too. So...because the kidney came from someone in Oklahoma...Eric decided his name is Okie. So pray for Okie, Green family!!! ;-)

Eric is doing great. His kidney was a little slow to "wake up" after being on ice for several hours, but he's doing a great job now. Okie started out making only a little more than an ounce of pee per hour. At last count he was making 10 ounces of pee an hour!

Eric's creatinine (sorry not going to look up how to spell that) level was 6.9 when he came into the hospital with his old kidneys. This morning it was at 6.04 (you want it to go down). They were okay with that, but wished it was a bit lower. The goal is that it will be down to 2 by the time he leaves. As of 1pm his creatinine level was down to 5."something". So we're headed in the right direction!

At one point last night the pain was so bad that Eric said, "I know I won't say this in a few weeks, but right at this moment I am questioning whether this was worth it." I told him that for him to say that his pain level must be at a 10, and that he should accept the pain meds offered to him! He wasn't accepting the meds for some reason. He has since then, and doesn't, at the moment, feel that it wasn't worth it. =-)

He is in a tremendous amount of pain. He's got a big 'ol catheter in, he has a central line in his neck and IV in his arm. He's also got a drainage bag coming out of the incision site. Basically he's got tubes coming from everywhere and each tube comes with its own pain. In addition, the incision itself is really painful (about 12 inches, with lovely staples). He's got a very persistent and very violent cough, which makes him feel like his gut is splitting open.

It has felt like this day has lasted FOR.EV.ER! We both agree on that point. I don't feel that I have the right to complain at all (so please find some other word for what I'm about to do). After 2 nights with about 2 hours sleep each night, I'm dragging. I imagined all of this glorious time to read and catch up on AAI work, but the reality is that I'm too tired to want to do those things, but there's no way to fall asleep in this place. I also feel like I've been on a plane for the past 48 hours. The air in here is super dry but either very hot or very cold. And I swear my butt has never hurt so bad! Seriously! I am sick of sitting. My butt is sick of sitting! Okay, I'm done not complaining now. =-)

I went home today long enough to do a load of my laundry and love on the big pups. They are doing fine. We were lucky enough to find a foster family for our puppy Layla! An SPCA volunteer. SO very cool. This way she will get to continue her puppy training for the next month while we get through the initial transition with the transplant. It's not that she couldn't have lived this week with the other two dogs, but she would have lost all the progress we were making with her training. Anyway...small blessing, but a very cool and unexpected blessing!

Our neighborhood has been alerted that Eric has gotten his transplant. Our BEST neighbors called everybody to pray, and they are. They've been in the neighborhood since it was built in the 60s, as have many other families still living in the hood. We feel blessed to have been accepted into this long-standing group! I've been told that I must call ever few days with an update, which I will do with a thankful heart.

So many bloggy and internet and AAI friends are praying. We are so humbled by your prayers. We really believe in the power of prayer. Please keep praying. Things look good. Things could continue to look good or we could run into challenges.

One thing is for sure. The initial rush is gone. We're tired. We wish we could skip to week 2 of this journey. We miss our kids (but at the same time are SO thankful they aren't here!). We miss our bed. And the truth is, this is sort of hard. Okay, it's sort of hard for me and incredibly hard for Eric.

Thanks all!

Anita

Perfect Weekend for a Kidney

Now that you know the nitty gritty of our day yesterday, let me tell you an interesting back story.

On Friday afternoon as I was driving to pick up Eric I thought, "This would be a perfect weekend for a kidney!" I probably think that most weekends, but this time my spirit quickened. I'm sure you've felt that at some point in your life. After so many weeks and months (and years!) of no kidney call, I just pretty much ignored that quickening. I thought of it as the physical feeling of hope. But now I think it was something else.

When Eric got in the car I told him light-heartedly that it was a good weekend for a transplant. He said, "Work would freak out if the transplant came this weekend. They really need me right now." Then we both agreed jokingly that sealed the deal--the kidney would definitely come THIS weekend because it was the worst possible time for it to happen work-wise. LOL!

We went out and ate dinner at a restaurant (a pretty rare treat for us). By this time Taevy had heard me and Eric talking about the transplant and said, "You know mom, this really is the perfect weekend for a transplant. I really believe it."

Every single time Eric's phone has rang since our false alarm last summer we have always said, "Shh! It's daddy's transplant!" Seriously, every single time. We always hush up and listen for the person on the other line, and then exhale when it's not the kidney transplant coordinator. [Side thought: To the transplant coordinator calling a person about a transplant must equal to when I get to call a family about a referral or court!] Yesterday, when it was the transplant coordinator, Eric was just finishing up a big 'ol throw up session. So OF COURSE the one time it is the transplant coordinator we didn't say it would be her!

These are just little thing that really don't mean anything in the long haul, but will always be stories we tell within our family about the day Daddy got his kidney. =-)

Anita
P.S. T-minus 20 minutes....

It's for Real!

Eric and his kids on "Kidney Day" A prayer for our man, our surgeon, and the family who is right now mourning for the loss of their loved one even as we celebrate the new life that loved one will give to Eric.
What to do when you're stuck in a hospital room for 9 hours? Be very thankful when a cousin brings her portable DVD players!

Well, it's for real this time! Eric is really going to have his kidney transplant. It has been a whirlwind day. Eric woke up feeling really sick this morning. Sometimes, when you are on dialysis, you just feel sick. Sometimes you throw up even though you don't have a virus. Eric was in the middle of throwing up when his phone rang. By ring three he pulled himself together and answered with a raspy, "Hello?" As soon as I heard the female voice on the other end of the line I knew it was "the call!" I started calling for children to hurry up and get dressed because "It's Daddy's kidney!" That's all the needed to hear to go into rocket mode. "It's daddy's kidney?! REALLY?!" I called Eric's mom even as Eric was still on the phone, asking if she could come get the kids.

After Eric got off the phone he calmed us all down a bit. There was a kidney. It was a really good kidney. But first we had to go to the hospital to submit final bloodwork. After that we'd wait about 4 hours to get final word.

We did the blood work, then went to Eric's work so that he could get his work laptop (the one day he didn't bring it home). [He plans to work from home once he's well enough.] By the time we got home it was almost 2pm. We figured we'd get the final "good to go" by 5pm. Nope. At 2:30pm while we are packing madly for 4 kids to spend the week with grandma and 2 adults to spend the week at the hospital, Eric gets a call that we need to be at the hospital by 3pm. Crap!

I literally started throwing clothes in the suit case. Eric's blood sugar was very high when the blood work came back (400). His blood pressure was also high. They wanted us to come to the hospital immediately to get checked in so they could closely monitor his blood sugar. [What a joke. If you're a type I Diabetic who has ever spent time in a hospital you know it's the WORST place to try to do well with your sugar because nobody is there when they need to be, food is late/early, etc.] The bottom line was, if his sugar didn't get in control quickly, he could lose the kidney. Eric started running around (literally) and gave himself a healthy dose of insulin. [Exercise can lower blood sugar.]

We got to the hospital and got checked in. Lots of boring waiting. Hours. People coming in and out. No word on if we FOR SURE get the kidney. Finally Eric's doctor came in. He verified that his blood sugar was now fine (135) and blood pressure was good. He signed off. He assured is it was going to happen. "No way it's not going to happen this time." were his exact words. After the doc left we called to let the rest of the family know that it was a go and they could come to visit.

And visit they did! Tonight we've had 21 people here! Thankfully only 13 of us were in the room at one time. I'm telling you, that many people when 5 of them are kids is just TOO many people in a hospital room! Before the majority of Eric's family left we had a group prayer. It feels insensitive and weird to take a picture during a prayer, but IF...if something should happen I will want the visual reminder of how much Eric is loved. I plan to take pics of the entire journey, actually.

Eventually my mom and step-dad and aunt got here. My family are good folks. They mobilized the "take care of the Gillispie kids" effort in a matter of moments! They don't have a care that will fit all four kids, so they had to drive two cars down (3 hours). The kids will stay with their Grandma and Grandpa in Wichita until Eric gets out of the hospital. My parents work, but my sister isn't currently working. God send for us! My sis will watch the kids during the day, even working with the big kids on their school work. My sis is fighting the good fight (day 4!) to stop smoking. Hopefully my kids won't put her over the edge!!!!!

At 10:30 the kids left. Everybody left. Now it's just me and Eric and the minutes ticking away until surgery time. We've been told the surgery will be at 6am, but we don't know if that's when they will come and get him (?) or if it will be earlier (?) Or maybe they will be late!

I've got an internet connection in the hospital, so I should be pretty connected. Heck--I might get more work done this week than I have in the last six months [ with no kids, no homeschool, etc.]!

As I end this Eric's blood sugar is high again. It's so frustrating because we know what to do and they act like you will be sent to the electric chair if you give yourself your own medicine. Earlier tonight he went low (because they weren't going to let him eat or drink!). We won on that one and we got a meal, but they wouldn't let him take a shot with it. So...he's high! Guess what else is high? Blood pressure. Because they won't let him take his medication but won't bring him "their" medication. There are 7 minutes to go before Eris is NPO until surgery. At 11:58 he's popping some pills if they don't come back. At any rate, pray that nothing happens to Eric's body to stop this!!!!

Anita

Thank God for Syrup

There's only one reason to be up at my house at 4:23am. It's because we had to call 911. Otherwise my body would be in deep sleep right about now! Eric had another seizure tonight--his fourth in the last 2 months or so. It's just so hard to manage blood sugar while you are getting peritoneal dialysis because the liquid going into you all night is full of sugar.

Most mornings Eric wakes up with way-too-high blood sugar because the dialysis brought him up so high. But he does the best he can. Tonight before bed he was already a little high so he gave himself a shot of fast acting insulin on top of the usual slow acting insulin. Guess he gave himself too much because the jerks started waking me up at about 3:30. I thought he might have been low a few hours before but he convinced me he wasn't. Now I know I should have just insisted he test!

Through these seizures I've learned about the wonders of pancake syrup. When someone is seizing the official "rule" is to never put anything in their mouth to eat or drink. But I CAN.NOT.WILL.NOT stand by while my husband's brain is being fried by a seizure and do nothing when I can do something! So I put syrup on my finger and then slide it down the inside of his cheek. He doesn't have to chew. He doesn't have to swallow anymore than he would his own saliva (okay, so a bit more). And it saves him. It's messy as all get out, but it works!

Everytime the EMSA folks get here Eric is usually already coming out of the seizure (because of the syrup) but still has very low blood sugar. Everytime they get here I know I will hear a lecture about how he could bite off my finger, or choke on anything I try to give him. I nod my head in understanding like a good little girl, knowing I'll do the exact same thing next time.

But THIS crew--we loved them! We told them about the syrup and he said, "You know, that's the best thing you can do. That's a great trick." He said that in developing countries syrup is what they are telling the families to buy and eat/drink when they get low, because it has so much sugar in so little volume. He said he's also told Diabetics before to just carry syrup packets (from restaurants) in their pockets in case of a low.It was nice to be told by these guys that I was doing the right thing, dispite the "official" rule about giving things to people during seizures.

During this adventures I ran into the living room to get syrup, turning on all the lights. Ran back in to get fruit punch and a peanut butter sandwich. Talking full volume with the EMSA guys. There is a stretcher in our living room. Front door is opening and closing. There are lights coming in from outside. And what are my children doing? Nothing. They are all sleeping in sleeping bags on the living room floor. They didn't wake from any of it. I even TRIED to wake them at one point so they could meet the guys (they are usually asleep upstairs when this happens). They opened their eyes for a second and said no thank you. =-)

I was supposed to be at the AAI Family Gathering at Warm Beach right now. Eric and the kids were supposed to have been spending the weekend alone. There's every liklihood that Eric wouldn't have had a seizure if I weren't around, because he knows when I'm here he can try to battle high blood sugar more agressively. Even if i wan't hear, Taevy would have been in the bed with him. She would have known and she would have called 911, then Grandma G, then our neighbor Carolyn. We've practiced I know she would do well. But still. The what if is a bugger. The what if can eat away at you. Let me just say that as much as I had hoped to be with friends and adoptive families this weekend, Im glad I was home. I want them to be innocent a bit longer. Not quiet yet for them to see their daddy in a seizure.

Trial Run

***Updated to say: I have just seen some of the blog posts that you all have put up about Eric's transplant. I am *SO* humbled. I know it doesn't make sense, but I am so embarressed that I got everybody so excited. I was telling Eric on the way out of the hospital, "It is like buying your tickets for adoption pickup and then being told you can't travel after all." Telling everybody that your not traveling after all is the worst feeling ever.***

Dear Friends and Family,

I am so humbled by your prayers and words of encouragement. This has been such a whirl-wind day. At 9am Eric was called by the Kidney Transplant team to say that he needed to be at the hospital for testing. There were two kidneys and he was 3rd on the list. By 9:45 (after piling 4 kids into the car as fast as I could!) we were all at the hospital. They did the blood testing that would determine if Eric was a match. We were told to go home and wait.

At around 2:30 we got the call that Eric was now "primary"--meaning that he was to get one of the two kidneys. We were to go to his kidney doctor's office for hospital orders and a final physical. We had done some preparation (packing for Eric's stay at the hospital) but it was still very harried as we sent the kids to our neighbor's to spend the night and packed up baby Ryder's things to go along with us.

While at the kidney doctor's office Eric's dialysis team cried happy tears with us. Without sounding conceited, I think we are sort of a favorite. After all, most people on dialysis are old. We come in for clinic every month with 3 or 4 (cute!) kids. LOL! Anyway, our ladies at clinic were so truly happy. We asked the doctor if this was really a go. He said it was. We wouldn't be there if it wasn't a go. Eric would get a kidney tonight.

From the doc's office we headed to the hospital, where there was a room waiting and Eric got checked in. The put in an IV, talked to us about surgery and such, did a bundle of last minute tests on Eric, and we waited. They told us it wasn't a total all clear yet because the kidney wasn't cleared from the cadaver. But that they were treating him as an "all go" because they believed that to be the case. We didn't really worry about it. But we kept waiting. And waiting.

Finally at around 7pm the transplant coordinator called Eric's room phone. While listening to her, he made this face. And I knew. We weren't getting the kidney.

The kidney was found to have been somewhat damaged (in some way) after it was taken from the cadaver. Our kidney surgeon is known to be a picky guy. He wasn't going to put a less than perfect kidney into Eric. About an hour later Eric was discharged from the hospital.

It has been such a long day. In fact, I really thought it was Wednesday. Two days in one! We are so extremely disappointed. But at the same time, there are blessings in this. Before today we didn't know if Eric was #3 or #30 on the list. Before today we probably wouldn't have thought much about taking a weekend trip to visit my parents. Before today we didn't have a clear picture of the process of "the day of transplant."

Now we know that the next kidney could very well be Eric's. We know not to leave Tulsa! And we know what it will be like next time. We regretted how quickly we shuffled the kids off to our neighbor's house. No family prayer. No sentimental goodbyes (just in case). Next time, that will be a priority.

This is going to happen. And we believe it will happen soon. I'll be surprised if Eric doesn't have his kidney before Kendi comes home. We're hoping she will come home on Labor Day Weekend.

Please pray for my hubby's heart. He's very brave and hasn't shed a tear. But I know he is weary of dialysis. I know he is disappointed that this wasn't THE day. We are so lucky to have him.

Current Events

Icky Bug: [Update--Eric is coming down with it now!] Isn't cold and flu season supposed to be over?! Sometimes I feel like our family catches any bug that is out there. It's discouraging because we get it one at a time and inevitably someone is sick on Sunday. We're just getting involved in a new church and it stinks to miss because of illness! Sammy had it first (and now it's yet another sinus infection), then Taevy got it for a few days, and now Bright is on his second day with a fever. Tonight his fever was 104, which I think is the highest his fever has gotten since we've had him home. He is SUCH a mommy's boy that when he is sick nobody else will do. =-) Of course this touches my heart, but it also means that mommy doesn't get very many moments alone! LOL!

New to Us: This week we decided to trade in our Kia Sedona for a Honda Pilot. We were getting horrid gas milage with the Sedona (like 10 MPG!) and we'll get a lot better milage with the Pilot (although still not certainly FABULOUS gas milage). It's pretty exciting for us. We've always gotten the base models of cars, but this one (2004) is all tricked out. We feel all cool in our 4 year old Honda! LOL! It has leather seats and automatic heating/cooling and heated seats, and even a navigation system. We are having really TOO much fun--so dorky! We went to Wal-Mart last night and bought a few car accessories. Then today all five of us just sat out in the car in the drive way trying to figure everything out! The kids are very excited to all be in the 2nd row (we also have a fold down 3rd row).

Kidney Stuff: We found out this week that my blood type is compatible with Erics. That is GREAT news!!! We know of one other person who is also going through the process to be matched with Eric. When I talked to the transplant unit they told me that we had to decide which one of us would go forward because they only work with one potential donor at a time. After prayer and discussion it has been decided that the other potential donor will go forward. If that person is excluded, I'll go forward. We did this for a few reasons. First, kidneys don't last forever! Since I am a potential match it would be nice to keep my kidney for the next time Eric needs a transplant. They usually stop working after 10-20 years. Second, logistically it will be very difficult for our family if Eric and I are both "down" at transplant time. It just feels like it would be impossible for Eric's mom (our main support) to manage both of our recoveries, taking Eric to doctor's appointments every day, take care of our 3 kids, and the two kids she watches during the day, and her own home and husband! So if the Lord works it out where someone else is the donor that's great. I want to be strong and able to support my family during transplant time. But if the Lord chooses for me to be the donor--He must have a plan!

So...that's our current events.

Anita

Better Phone Number, and MORE JOY!

Hi all,

Someone that called the kidney transplant team here in Tulsa notified me today that Kara (the women to speak to if interested in donating) has a direct line and it is easier to get in touch with her that way. Her direct number is 918-502-3906. I'm not assuming that anybody intends to call, but still.... =-)

In other news, our church blessed us tonight with a time of intercession and prayer for Eric and our family. [Hi church!] At one point I started tearing up as I looked at these people who are part of our church family. We have a church family! We're finally connected! And it feels so good, so right.

There were lots of wonderful things revealed through prayer and both Eric and I feel so much "lighter" now. The Lord may decide to heal Eric's body completely at any time, but tonight we both received a healing in our hearts.

Anita

Unresolved Disappointment

Dealing with Unresolved Disappointment

By Glynnis Whitwer

“‘Take away the stone.’ He said. ‘But Lord,’ said Martha, the sister of the dead man, ‘by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.’” John 11:39 (NIV)

Devotion:Mary and Martha’s brother, Lazarus, was sick. Really sick. In fact, they were sure he was close to death. So they called for the one man they knew could heal Lazarus. That was their friend Jesus.

Messengers found Jesus about a day’s journey from the sisters’ home in Bethany. But when Jesus got the message about Lazarus, He didn’t pack up and leave immediately. In fact, Jesus stayed put … for two more days. It wasn’t that Jesus didn’t care. He did.

Jesus didn’t lose track of the time either. No, the Bible tells us that Jesus intentionally delayed going to help saying “… it is for God’s glory, so that God’s son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4 NIV). Jesus had a plan, but Mary and Martha didn’t know that. All they knew was their brother had died and Jesus didn’t come in time.

The sisters were clearly disappointed in Jesus’ lack of response. In fact, they both told Him so. Martha chided Jesus first, then Mary fell at Jesus’ feet and echoed her sister’s words, “Lord if you had been here my brother would not have died.” Jesus knew their pain. He felt it too. In fact, the Bible says that Jesus wept with them.

Together the group of mourners made their way to the tomb, and when they arrived, Jesus made an unusual request – that the stone in front of the opening be removed. The sisters were shocked. Why would Jesus make this request? Didn’t He realize how bad the body would smell? Martha even told Jesus so, perhaps to “remind” Him that her brother had been dead for four long days.

Mary and Martha were devastated. Not only had their brother died, but they knew Jesus could have changed the outcome of their brother’s illness. In their minds, Jesus abandoned them in their time of greatest need.

The sisters were grieving the loss of their brother, but I wonder if they were grieving because Jesus hadn’t done what they asked. In fact, they were so sad and discouraged, when Jesus made a move to help, they wanted to leave the stone in front of the tomb.

Have you ever been disappointed with God’s apparent lack of response? I have. It’s disheartening when you know God could immediately change the outcome of your circumstances, but He seems absent. So there you sit, in the pain, grief and fear while God delays.

Martha even seems to have given up and accepted her grief and disappointment. She was ready to live with the “fact” that Jesus didn’t care enough to heal Lazarus. However that “fact” couldn’t have been further from the truth.

As the sisters gave in and moved the stone, Jesus showed them just how much He loved them. In a loud voice Jesus called, “Lazarus, come out!” Jaws dropped, hearts pounded, wails turned to screams of joy as a formerly dead man walked out of the tomb … very much alive.

Jesus had never ignored their cry for help. He didn’t disregard their pain. He hadn’t abandoned them. He had a plan that included a delay.

Sometimes God’s plans for us might include a delay. As we wait, may we learn from this story to not give up, to not accept grief as our lot in life and to expect God to turn our mourning into joy.

Remember, He’s coming right on time.

Dear Lord, please forgive me for all the times I have given up on You, and believed You have abandoned me to suffer. Help me to trust that You have a plan to bring about my healing, and bring joy back to my life, even though it may not look like what I had asked for. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The Scoop Re: Kidney Donation

Okay...."scoop" and "kidney" kind of makes a yucky picture in my head, but anyway....

As you probably know, my husband is in need of a kidney transplant and all potential donors in his immediately family (and most in his extended family) have been excluded. Now we must widen our search and pray that one of our friends, extended family, or even a stranger, opens their hearts to the possibility of being his kidney donor.

If you feel led to check out being a kidney donor for Eric the first step is for you to call 918-502-3900 and speak to Kara. She will answer any questions you have, and ask you preliminary questions to make sure that you don't have anything going on that would automatically exclude you. Then she will give you instructions on what to do next if you decide to go forward.

Here are some conditions that would automatically exclude you from donating a kidney:
1. Diabeties
2. BMI above 35
3. High blood pressure
4. Any history of kidney stones or infections
5. History of Substance Abuse
6. Cancer/malignant tumors
7. Gestational Diabetes
8. Smoking (you have to have not smoked in 3 months to start the process)
9. If you are a woman and want to have biological children in the future.

After calling Kara the next step in the process is to go and see your primary care physician. We (I'll say we because I'm getting ready to start this!) tell our PCP that we'd like to be a donor, and the physician has to write a letter giving you clearance to donate. If you're a woman, you must have a pap smear that is newer than 6 months. If you're a woman over 40 you must have a mammogram. If you're a man over 40 you have to have a PSA blood test to check your prostate. Still with me? Yuck!

If your doctor agrees that you are healthy enough to donate the next step is to get your blood type. Actually, if you know your blood type and call the transplant office they can tell you right away if you match Eric (for that part) or not. If you don't know your blood type a free way to get it is to donate blood. Or a blood typing test isn't supposed to be too expensive.

Speaking of expenses...with kidney donation there are very few costs to the donor. Tests that you should have anyway (like a mammogram or pap, etc.) go under your insurance. But tests that you would not otherwise be doing (like a CT of your kidney) is covered by our insurance. The entire cost of the actual transplant is also covered by our insurance. If the donor lives out of state they would need to come to Tulsa two times. The first time would be about a week in order to do a ton of tests and meetings that must be done at the site of the future transplant. The second time would be for the actual transplant.

Speaking of the actual transplant...Recovery time for the donor is longer than for the recipient. Thankfully, 99% of the time they now do everything laproscopically, so there is no huge slicing open your abdomen event! The donor is in the hospital for 2-3 days. The first week can be quite painful. And the full recovery time is 4-6 weeks. There are lifting restrictions during that time, and the first 2-3 weeks the donor isn't allowed to drive. [Yikes! I just thought about how that could complicate things for our family if I'm the donor!] The donor is probably going to be off work for at least 4 weeks (or 6 if the donor has a more strenuous job). Some jobs actually have organ donation benefits where the time you take off work doesn't count against your regular sick or vacation leave.

The actual matching process usually takes from 3-6 months. Then the surgery is scheduled usually 1-2 more months from then.

I want to say again that at ANY point in the matching process you can say you want to stop and Eric and I will not know the difference. Even if I (as his wife) wanted to stop at some point they would tell Eric that I just wasn't a match in order to keep there from being any hard feelings. We will only know you are going through the matching process if you tell us. And honestly we'd probably rather not know in order to completely preserve the relationships we have.

Thank you for your continued prayers.
Anita

Thank You

Hi friends,

Eric and I would like to thank you heartily for all of the prayers, kind words, and offers of support. It really did lift our spirits to see that so many people care about our family. I have received many private emails. If I don't respond it's not because I don't care--it's just that it's painful to respond over and over again about all of this (kind of like when you're waiting to travel for a child and have no news but people that love you ask you ever 6 hours if you know when you're going to travel!).

If you've written to inquire about how to see if you are a match, please know that your message is incredibly humbling and because we don't want to put anybody on the spot, replying is difficult. You have no idea how humbled we are that anybody outside of our family would consider such a sacrifice. I will be calling the transplant unit on Monday to make sure I have my facts straight, and then I will post information here, in case anybody feels led to check into it.

There are many conditions that will automatically exclude a person from being considered a donor candidate. If you get through that stage (an initial phone call) there are tons of other things that can exclude you along the way. I don't know the quickest a person can get through it all, but it took Eric's dad about 6 months to get to the point we were at (the next step was setting a date for the surgery).

Being the donor is actually more painful than being the recipient. Although the donor is out of the hospital more quickly, the donor's pain recovery time is longer than the recipient's.

I will post a number for anybody that is interested to call. But I want you to know that everything is very anonymous. We won't be told who calls (they might tell us that someone is going through the process). We won't be told if you get to the point of being matched with Eric and then decide not to do it. It is completely personal and private, in order to protect potential donors. So you don't have to worry about disappointing Eric and I if you choose NOT to call (or change your mind once in the process), or getting our hopes up if you DO call. You can share what you wish. We wouldn't ever know your name unless you wanted us to.

The greatest gift we can receive right now is prayer, and we know that many are giving that gift right now. Thank you.

Anita

Very Disappointing News

As you know, we've been waiting for Eric's dad to finish the very final testing in order to set the date for the kidney transplant. He had been determined to be a healthy match in February. We expected to find out surgery dates either this week or next. Instead, Eric's dad was thrown out of the program (it's official, they won't change their minds) due to an irregular prostate test. The prostate test suggests that his dad might have prostate cancer.

I can't tell you what a blow this is. The past almost year that Eric has been on dialysis has been the most difficult year for us to date. He is miserable, walking around with 3 liters of fluid in his abdomen (although he hides this very well around others). He vomits almost every day. His ribs hurt because of the weight of the dialysis fluid in his body. Every night we endure dozens of alarms with his dialysis machine. His muscle movements when he sleeps are so strong that I'm struggling to remain sleeping in our bed with him (even with a sleeping pill and ear plugs it's next to impossible to sleep). His blood sugars are extremely difficult to control because the dialysis fluid is filled with sugar (which puts his remaining vision at risk). His immune system is so torn up that he gets sick with cold/flu very often, and it seems to always turn into bronchitis or pneumonia. His self-image is struggling because the fluid makes him look like he's 7 months pregnant. His body gets horrible cramps as a side effect. And we thought we were so close to being done with this chapter....

Please pray for my husband. We have (on average) another 2 years of waiting for him to get a donor from the cadaver list, and the thought of going another two years like this feels like a lifetime. I just don't know if his body can do that. And even if his body can, his spirit is wavering. I know that I will probably lose my husband early, but I don't want it to be THIS early. I'm just not ready. Of course I never will be. God's will be done, but I hope that isn't His will.

Please pray that a donor is found. We're now forced to move outside of his immediate family into extended family and friends. It gets a lot harder to find a match. I'll begin the process to see if I can donate, but we pray that the Lord provides another source for the kidney so that our children are insured that at least one of their parents will still be here after this process.

Please pray for James, Eric's dad. Pray that this test was inaccurate and that no cancer is found.We know the Lord has a purpose in all of this. We know He has not left us and that He has a plan for us that will glorify Him.

We will do our best to be patient until the day that He provides an answer to our prayers.

Anita

Mercy

Thanks for your kind words regarding the transplant situation. Writing it out helped me to get to a more calm place about it all. And Eric managed to find his calm place as well. We'll wait, with mercy and forgiveness, just like Christ waits on all of his children.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name." 1 Peter 4:12-16

Anita

So hard

We got some very disappointing news last night. It's the kind of news you're so baffled about that you don't really know how to share it with people without letting your whole soul hang out. Last night I was so in shock. It hurts.

First we found out some good news. Eric's dad met with the kidney folks and they were raving about what a great match he and Eric are. They were ready to go forward very quickly--as in February!

But Eric's dad fell off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights and broke his leg. Because that needs to heal first, February is out of the question. Of course we understand that. Nothing you can do.

Eric's mom went on to say that the kidney transplant wasn't going to happen until May. WHAT?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Because his dad is a workaholic. Because his dad is going to put work ahead of Eric's health. Not even work, really. Conferences. Eric's dad is a postmaster. A very good and very dedicated postmaster. He takes pride in working insane hours and taking packages to folks on Christmas day. Often, he puts his work above his family. It's been that way since Eric was born.

So why does Eric's transplant have to wait two more months than is required? Because Eric's dad wants to go to National Conference in D.C. during March, and he has State Conference in April. Conferences! Union stuff.

When Eric's mom told me this I had no composure. I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't. I didn't tell her outright why I was so upset, instead saying that I was just very disappointed it wasn't going to happen until May. I couldn't read Eric. He obediently shook his head in agreement when his mom said that "it would happen when it's supposed to."

His mom left and I lost it. How could his dad put work (not even work--extra curricular activities!) before his son's health?! Why would he sentence his son to another 2 months of dialysis hell? What is he thinking?!

Eric is just as hurt as I am. Probably more so. He said this is par for the course with his dad. He said, "You know how many of my baseball games my dad was at from the beginning when I was little? None. He always came late or didn't show up because he was working late." I told Eric that I think he should let his dad know how much it would mean to him if he would skip national convention JUST THIS ONCE. But Eric shook his head in defeat. He said that his dad should know how difficult this has been on our family. He isn't going to beg him.

Two months isn't a lifetime, except for when it could mean the difference between life and death. In two months any number of things could happen to Eric or his dad to prevent the transplant from going forward. In two months Eric will have gone 60 more days than he should have had to go on dialysis--vomiting, diarrhea in the middle of the night, pain at his catheter site, not being able to pick up his children, not being able to make love to his wife.

But our hands are tied. Eric's father is giving this huge gift of his kidney to Eric. We're stuck like beggars, waiting for a hand out....like a dog who crawls on his belly up to his master. He has what we need. It's his to give, not ours to take. So all we can do is wait for May or pray that somehow his father puts his son before his work.

Anita

WE HAVE A MATCH!!!!!!

ERIC IS GOING TO HAVE HIS KIDNEY TRANSPLANT!!!!!!!

We found out this morning that Eric and his dad are a match! We will go to "committee" on February 11th and the transplant will most likely be sometime in March!

Not only did the Lord answer our prayer for a donor...not only did He answer our prayer that Eric's dad be the donor...but He even answered our prayer for it to happen in March!!

It's kind of silly, but Eric's parent gifted us hotel accommodations in Vegas to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in May. And my frequent flyer miles for trips to Ghana will buy us two plane tickets. The only thing was we REALLY didn't want to have to deal with dialysis in Vegas, and also worried about if the transplant was only shortly before the trip we would have to cancel. After the transplant Eric has to go to the doctor every day for a while, then every other day, then three times a week, etc. With the transplant being in March we should be far enough in the process by May that we can take our 4 days together in Vegas!!!!!

SO HAPPY!!!

Anita