So hard

We got some very disappointing news last night. It's the kind of news you're so baffled about that you don't really know how to share it with people without letting your whole soul hang out. Last night I was so in shock. It hurts.

First we found out some good news. Eric's dad met with the kidney folks and they were raving about what a great match he and Eric are. They were ready to go forward very quickly--as in February!

But Eric's dad fell off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights and broke his leg. Because that needs to heal first, February is out of the question. Of course we understand that. Nothing you can do.

Eric's mom went on to say that the kidney transplant wasn't going to happen until May. WHAT?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Because his dad is a workaholic. Because his dad is going to put work ahead of Eric's health. Not even work, really. Conferences. Eric's dad is a postmaster. A very good and very dedicated postmaster. He takes pride in working insane hours and taking packages to folks on Christmas day. Often, he puts his work above his family. It's been that way since Eric was born.

So why does Eric's transplant have to wait two more months than is required? Because Eric's dad wants to go to National Conference in D.C. during March, and he has State Conference in April. Conferences! Union stuff.

When Eric's mom told me this I had no composure. I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't. I didn't tell her outright why I was so upset, instead saying that I was just very disappointed it wasn't going to happen until May. I couldn't read Eric. He obediently shook his head in agreement when his mom said that "it would happen when it's supposed to."

His mom left and I lost it. How could his dad put work (not even work--extra curricular activities!) before his son's health?! Why would he sentence his son to another 2 months of dialysis hell? What is he thinking?!

Eric is just as hurt as I am. Probably more so. He said this is par for the course with his dad. He said, "You know how many of my baseball games my dad was at from the beginning when I was little? None. He always came late or didn't show up because he was working late." I told Eric that I think he should let his dad know how much it would mean to him if he would skip national convention JUST THIS ONCE. But Eric shook his head in defeat. He said that his dad should know how difficult this has been on our family. He isn't going to beg him.

Two months isn't a lifetime, except for when it could mean the difference between life and death. In two months any number of things could happen to Eric or his dad to prevent the transplant from going forward. In two months Eric will have gone 60 more days than he should have had to go on dialysis--vomiting, diarrhea in the middle of the night, pain at his catheter site, not being able to pick up his children, not being able to make love to his wife.

But our hands are tied. Eric's father is giving this huge gift of his kidney to Eric. We're stuck like beggars, waiting for a hand out....like a dog who crawls on his belly up to his master. He has what we need. It's his to give, not ours to take. So all we can do is wait for May or pray that somehow his father puts his son before his work.

Anita