Thursday, January 17, 2008

So hard

We got some very disappointing news last night. It's the kind of news you're so baffled about that you don't really know how to share it with people without letting your whole soul hang out. Last night I was so in shock. It hurts.

First we found out some good news. Eric's dad met with the kidney folks and they were raving about what a great match he and Eric are. They were ready to go forward very quickly--as in February!

But Eric's dad fell off of a ladder while taking down Christmas lights and broke his leg. Because that needs to heal first, February is out of the question. Of course we understand that. Nothing you can do.

Eric's mom went on to say that the kidney transplant wasn't going to happen until May. WHAT?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Because his dad is a workaholic. Because his dad is going to put work ahead of Eric's health. Not even work, really. Conferences. Eric's dad is a postmaster. A very good and very dedicated postmaster. He takes pride in working insane hours and taking packages to folks on Christmas day. Often, he puts his work above his family. It's been that way since Eric was born.

So why does Eric's transplant have to wait two more months than is required? Because Eric's dad wants to go to National Conference in D.C. during March, and he has State Conference in April. Conferences! Union stuff.

When Eric's mom told me this I had no composure. I tried to hold back the tears but I couldn't. I didn't tell her outright why I was so upset, instead saying that I was just very disappointed it wasn't going to happen until May. I couldn't read Eric. He obediently shook his head in agreement when his mom said that "it would happen when it's supposed to."

His mom left and I lost it. How could his dad put work (not even work--extra curricular activities!) before his son's health?! Why would he sentence his son to another 2 months of dialysis hell? What is he thinking?!

Eric is just as hurt as I am. Probably more so. He said this is par for the course with his dad. He said, "You know how many of my baseball games my dad was at from the beginning when I was little? None. He always came late or didn't show up because he was working late." I told Eric that I think he should let his dad know how much it would mean to him if he would skip national convention JUST THIS ONCE. But Eric shook his head in defeat. He said that his dad should know how difficult this has been on our family. He isn't going to beg him.

Two months isn't a lifetime, except for when it could mean the difference between life and death. In two months any number of things could happen to Eric or his dad to prevent the transplant from going forward. In two months Eric will have gone 60 more days than he should have had to go on dialysis--vomiting, diarrhea in the middle of the night, pain at his catheter site, not being able to pick up his children, not being able to make love to his wife.

But our hands are tied. Eric's father is giving this huge gift of his kidney to Eric. We're stuck like beggars, waiting for a hand a dog who crawls on his belly up to his master. He has what we need. It's his to give, not ours to take. So all we can do is wait for May or pray that somehow his father puts his son before his work.



Stacy 7:12 PM  

I'm so sorry to hear this new development. I really hope your FIL can somehow get a clue and realize that this is an amazing opportunity for him to do the right thing and that it would probably erase or at least help fade all the times he didn't choose his son over his work. I just can't imagine making the choice he did and I sincerely hope he changes his decision. Will be thinking of you.

Sue 7:45 PM  

Wow. How sad & upset you must feel. I will pray that God works in his heart.


Owlhaven 12:47 AM  

I'm so sorry, Anita....

Praying for your husband...


Story of our Life 6:31 AM  

Wow Anita. This is really tuff stuff. I'm so sorry. As I read your post I couldn't help but hold back the tears. Two months is to long. I was raised in a very loving Christian home where my mom put family first before anything. Even if it meant getting fired from her job (which it did). I know you don't want ot be beggers. But this is his sons LIFE!! Hang in there. Love, Gala

Jena 12:44 PM  

I can't imagine going from your elation of the match a couple of weeks ago to this crushing disapointment. Praying

The Adoption Of William 3:28 PM  

I am so sorry Anita :( I am praying for you and Eric!

William's Mama

Michelle 4:55 PM  

It is so hard to see other parents that don't understand what it means to be a father especially when it is the father of your husband. I am working this month with the kidney transplant team and I can't understand how your FIL can't understand that time is an issue. Some people have blinders on. I understand why your husband doesn't want to discuss it with him, but maybe you could have him write a letter that expressed the urgency. Sometimes that is easier. Hopefully it will come together soon!

Grosso Family 10:28 PM  

Anita I am so sorry to hear this about Eric. My heart goes out to you and your family. I don't understand how a father that loves his son could do something like this. It's just insane. I hope that it does happen in March - i will keep my fingers crossed for you.