Down, down, down...

Well, I've decided that the whole "adoption is a roller coaster" thing is really just a smaller version of the truth--life is a roller coaster! And right now I feel like I'm headed down. It's not horrible. It's not the end of the world. It's just a bummer.

First, I'm having a hard time being patient for Bright to come home. I know he's fine, and I know he's loved. There's no immediate NEED for him to come home at the moment, except that my mommy heart just really WANTS him home. I miss him. And for some reason, while 18 months still seems "baby" to me, 19 months feels "toddler" to me. He'll be 19 months on May 4th. I don't like that he's going to be closer to 2 than 1 when he gets home. I'd love him the same if he were 5 when he gets home (and I'll wait for him that long if I need to), but again, I really just WANTED him home by now.

Second, my hubby is starting dialysis. This is good because he needs it and thank God it's an option! And we're doing home dialysis so it's not going to be that much of a big inconvenience in our schedule. But it's affecting our family in other ways that I hadn't thought about. Mainly, my hubby has lost his ability to roll around and wrestle with our kids on the floor. When Bright comes home he's not going to bounce him on his belly like he did with our other kids at that age. He's got this tube sticking out of his stomach that hurts when it moves so he has to be cautious. I don't know why, but this really makes me sad. And it's making Eric very sad as well. We are both so hoping that we can just hurry up and have the kidney transplant so that life can get back to normal around here (or at least our version of it)!

Third, dentistry. I am so lucky that my kids LOVE the dentist! Seriously, Taevy would go every week if she could. Aren't they weird?! But sadly, my Taevy, who has always gotten so many compliments on her beautiful smile, is being betrayed by genetics and lack of prenatal care. Today's dentist appointment was such a disappointment. Long story short, she has to have one of her back teeth pulled and replaced with a "spacer" until she's 12...she has another back tooth on the other side that will require a (nasty-looking!) silver cap...she's got 4 cavities on top that need fillings...and (the one that really gets to me) she needs to have her front teeth pulled because the roots aren't "dissolving" and won't come out on their own. This just makes me sad. Taevy is practically known for her beautiful smile! And I hate to think that for the next 6 years her smile won't be as "perfect" as it once was. She'll still be our beautiful Taevy, I know. =-)

Finally, money. Nuff said? Money! URGH! I bet that is on just about everybody's top three "downers." And ironically, the other three "downers" above are all contributing to the money issues! So...if you don't like it when people divulge their personal finances publicly you should stop reading here. I'm not one of those people. I share! LOL!

Thank goodness we have $1600 in our Kingdom Kids account to help us with my upcoming trip to Ghana for Bright. But I think we'll need another $1000 for that trip once it's all said and done. Then we had the unexpected surprise that Eric's dialysis catheter will cost approximately $1500 out of pocket (of which $500 had to be paid up front). And his kidney transplant will be around $2000 out of pocket. The estimate we have for Taevy's dental work is $1500. And Eric's medications have jumped up to around $400 (in copays!) each month since his last stint in the hospital. We have $1500 in savings. What stinks is that NOTHING CAN WAIT! This all has to be done. We just don't know how it's going to be paid for. =-)

Okay, the pity party portion of this post has just ended. This is the nice thing about writing. You get it out and then you feel better!

I KNOW that this will all be worked out somehow. I KNOW that Bright is going to come home and it's going to be amazing when he is. I KNOW that our family will adjust to Eric's new catheter placement and dialysis. I KNOW that we are going to find an appropriate donor for his kidney transplant. And I KNOW that there is going to be a way to pay for it in the end. I know all of this because I KNOW that the Lord loves us and will always take care of us. It may not be in the way we had originally hoped, but He will take care of us. Nevertheless, prayer is a powerful thing and we'd appreciate your prayers during this "downer" time on the roller coaster.

Love,

Anita