Taevy's Story: Part V

Note: I did two "parts" tonight so please ready below to Part IV if you like to read stories in chronilogical order. =-)

It was March 9, 2001. The sun poured into our windows and showed us our first glimpse of Cambodia in daylight. There was a hazy mist over the trees. The air was filled with sounds of honking motor bikes and big trucks; monkeys in the nearby park; tropical birds; and my own heartbeat.

Taevy was to arrive at 7:30am. At 6:30 Eric, his dad, and I headed down to the breakfast buffet to eat. I just couldn't though. My mind was on my baby. What if they came to the room when we were eating?! Here's what I wrote as I waited alone in the room to meet our daughter for the first time:

3-9-01

Sweet Taevy,

Today is the day that we meet you for the first time--our daughter! Cambodia is so very beautiful. It smells and sounds wonderful to step outside into the fresh air. The land is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

Right now I am sitting in a chair inside of our suite, waiting for the knock on the door. Dad and Grandpa are downstairs eating breakfast. I just choked enough down to satiate myself and had to get back into the room in case you come!

I am FINALLY about to become a mother--YOUR mother. Your clothes are laid out on your crib and the toys are laying inside.

My hope is that we will always be close, dear daughter. My hope is that the loss you may feel for your birth family is overshadowed by the love you feel and have fro us. I hope we are able to bring you back here to Cambodia when you are older. I want you to know and experience your home country as we are able to do this week. Well, I must stop writing--I have to prepare the room for my daughter!

Mommy

Eric and Grandpa made it up in time. There was a knock on the door and the moment had arrived. Taevy was sleeping and looked like an angel. I wanted to yank her out of her nanny's arms so badly but remembered to "be good" and wait for her to be offered to us. I guess I was a little too polite because she ended up handing Taevy off to Eric first. As you can imagine that didn't last long! LOL! I had to hold my baby! Grandpa was expertly video-taping the entire experience--or at least we thought so at the time. After we got home we realized that Grandpa did a great job capturing our voices and a very close-up view of Eric's shirt. ;-)

I don't remember that interview time very well. I know we talked about what would come next in the process. I know I asked my list of 50 questions about Taevy and her care routine. I know that we tape-recorded it because I had been told I wouldn't remember the answers later. I remember two questions and answers:

What will you remember about Taevy? "She cry a lot." Umm...okay.
Does she have any nicknames? "Nyella. It mean 'busy girl.'"

Those two answers were actually quite telling, but I didn't know it at the time! Eventually our facilitator and her nanny left and were alone with our child for the first time (plus one proud Grandpa). Of course the FIRST thing we had to do was strip her down to see her little body and give her a bath! Doesn't every adoptive parent do that? That is definitely our tradition in the Gillispie family!

Her skin was such a gorgeous deep caramel, and so smooth (pictures don't do dark skin justice). She was perfect. Oh--except for the snot and spit up--but we were new parents we didn't' "see" that stuff yet. We just saw this miraculous child that God somehow entrusted to us.

I remember sitting on the bed with her (I think Eric and Grandpa went to eat again) and literally feeling myself fall in deep love. I could FEEL it. I could feel it in my chest. Another miracle taking place in my heart at that moment. People don't tend to think about that part of the "miracle of adoption" do they? The part where God literally melds your heart to your child...intertwines your souls forevermore. I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew 4 sizes too big!

Here's what I wrote after meeting Taevy for the first time:

3-9-01

Taevy,

You are here! You are finally here. You are even more beautiful than I would've ever imagined. You are so sweet and funny. You are sick right now with a cold and possibly an ear infection. It will be interesting to see how our personality differs when you feel better. You gave your first smile to Grandpa G. (peekaboo).

You don't smile very much with us yet, but I'm sure you will be laughing up a storm in no time. You love to laugh and play with me when I am changing your diaper and you love to play peek-a-boo with dad and grandpa.

Grandma B. will be here tomorrow morning and she is going to just fall over when she sees how beautiful you are. You're amazing. I feel like my heart is 10 sizes bigger since you arrived. You now come first in my life and dad's. It's a wonderful and scary and amazing feeling to have. Praise God You are finally here! Now the real journey begins...

Mommy

That was the last entry in Taevy's journal until October. That says something about how first time motherhood consumed me, eh?!

Finally we had her. I remember this huge sense of relief and accomplishment that washed over Eric and I after we had "attained" parenthood. It's kind of crazy but it was a huge aphrodisiac for us! The pressure to "procreate" was off. We had done it! Well..not DONE it..well...this is going in a weird direction. We were parents and it felt GOOD!
Anita
P.S. I keep wondering where this story should end when it is still really being played out. Do I stop when we get home? Do I go into how crappy the first few weeks home where? Do I go into the attachment and sensory, diet and allergy issues? Night terrors? Hmm...I guess I'll just keep writing as long as it feels like something needs to come out. Right now it feels sort of like when you get a new computer and you have a great need to "back up and transfer" all of the information on your old computer. How much longer will I have these memories before the details fade away?