I'm trying to keep my joy, knowing joy comes only from the Lord. I lost my Uncle Jim a few days ago. We thought he had made it. We thought the surgery was successful. It wasn't. In my heart I can feel happy for him knowing that is suffering is no more; but I am struggling. This is as hard as the death of my father, for reasons I may go into on another day. At the same time, I am "only" a niece, and feel that I don't have a right to grieve like this. I feel guilty for feeling this sad. His children, his wife, his siblings....they are the ones who have the traditional "right" to grieve him. He was "only" my uncle. Except that he wasn't.
Life goes on. There will be joy in the coming days as we celebrate the birth of our Savior. Real joy. Happiness? Not yet.