Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Update

Well, I talked to Lois at our agency today. My idea of "no update" and her idea of "no update" continue to be quite different. Here's what we found out:

1. As of September 29th Bright's dad signed an informal relinquishment for Eugemot Orphanage stating his knowledge and desire that Bright be adopted. Lois says she sent this information to me on 9-29, but I didn't receive it. It was only in passing that it was mentioned today or we still wouldn't know.
2. According to the relinquishment letter Bright's last name is Anagbo and is father's first name is Felix.
3. The $300 donation we sent to LVI to be sent to Eugemot for Bright's care has now been sent.
4. As of last Thursday Ernest told Lois that "everything is moving on well" and that she would hear "soon" (I hate that word) from the Director of Social Welfare.
5. Lois called the Director of Social Welfare last Friday but the connection was bad and there was a lot of background noise. She didn't seem to feel like the call made any impact on him.
6. Lois has sent the money for the applications and attorney to Social Welfare.
7. We still don't have an application for adoption.

Lois has suggested that rather than me calling/writing for an update she will call me every Friday with a report (even if there's nothing to update). Of course this feels like a slap on the wrist ("don't call us, we'll call you"), but I'll take it. At least it's something I can look forward to each week since for me even "no update" still feels like an update. Lois is over-committed and feels like she has to pull back from the standard of communication she set up with us when we began this process (calls and emails at nights and weekends, when she was out of the country, etc.). Unless there is big news I shouldn't expect non-office hours communication, from what I gather.

I don't think I've ever been more discouraged during the last almost 9 months we've been working towards an adoption. I feel like the carpet has been ripped out from under me. I was prepared for a potentially very rocky adoption process from Ghana. I wasn't prepared to feel like my adoption professional was the business hours only type of communicator. There is NOTHING wrong with being a "business hours only" adoption professional. Nothing at all! But the fact that Lois was more than "business hours only" played a big part in us changing from Liberia over to LVI/Ghana. What made me feel so good about going with LVI was that Lois seemed like she would always be there for me, even if I just needed to cry on her shoulder. I don't have that any more and it breaks my heart.

But I'll suck it up and get strong. I don't have any choice. I won't give up on our Bright as long as there is a chance we can adopt him. I'll be a good adoptive parent and wait patiently for any little nugget of information given to me on Friday. I'll change the expectations I had for communication (which were admittedly very high). I'll dig my feet in and eventually, with God's help, we'll get through this. Right now, I feel like this will be our last international adoption.

Please pray for me.
Anita

2 comments:

Kristn 8:12 AM  

Praying for you! This must be excruciating for you and your familiy.

Anonymous 2:22 PM  

But wait, there's some GOOD news in this non-update!! You know his full name! woohoo on that! And you know his birthdad has signed a paper and is relinquishing of his own free will. Also a VERY good thing.
I hear you on the "don't call us" thing, but really it's not that bad, because now you KNOW she will call you every Friday. And when she calls she'll be prepared to talk with all the info right in front of her.
I'm sorry you are disappointed. Adopting is such a roller coaster and our expecations are forever being let down and it is really really frustrating. I'll be praying for you and for more progress toward bringing Bright home.