Thursday, November 02, 2006

Just writing...

This is one of those times that I need to sit down and write, but I don't know what is going to come out.  Writing is a form of brain organization for me.  Why I choose to do it in a public domain is as much a mystery to me as it probably is to you all!
Oh, how good it feels to have the new photo of Bright.  I feel like I can breath again.  I feel like my baby is going to be okay.  I don't think I realized how completely tied up I was with the thought that he could die before we got him home.  He just looked so bad in his first two pictures.  One side of me is more antsy than ever to get this adoption rolling, but the other side of me feels just a bit more patient--because I don't feel like this is a "life or death" situation for Bright anymore.  I have more faith that he CAN make it, and even flourish at Eugemot, until we can get to him.
I found out the great news today that the adorable baby girl in the front of the new photo has been referred to an LVI family!  She is one year old (like Bright) and is being adopted by a family who also has a child from Cambodia.  How cool is that?!  CONGRATULATIONS BARBARA!!!!  For some reason it makes me feel very good to know that I'm not "alone" in adopting from Eugemot anymore.  I love the thought of Deidre and Bright learning and growing together at the orphanage until we can pick them up.  I can just see Mama Eugenia with a baby on each hip, with all of the older girls at the orphanage asking if they can hold one of the babies now. =-)  Deidre will be going home to Ireland, which means she will probably be united with her new family a few months (at least) before we are united with Bright (thanks to the non-responsive American Embassy in Ghana).  But the bright side of that (ha--no pun intended) is that maybe Barbara will take lots of pics of our boy when she goes to pick up Deidre--and maybe even measure him!
Onto other things...  It's no secret that last week was a very tough week for me (personally, and with the adoption).  I'm a pretty open book and you all know about "the falling out."  What I want to share this week is how much better things feel now.  Everything feels clean and new with our relationship.  Lois has been kind, responsive, and professional.  Regardless of personal stuff, I have renewed confidence in her and LVI.  It just feels like the relationship is back where it's supposed to be.  We're the adoptive family and she is the adoption professional and there's nothing beyond that to muddy the waters.  I sincerely hope that Lois feels the same way.  I can honestly say that I harbor no ill feelings, and I hope that someday she will feel the same way (if she doesn't already).
Finally, there is nothing like death to remind us of how precious life is.  Yesterday a close family member gave birth to her boy/girl twins.  Baby girl Clare is probably in her mother's arms right now, but baby boy Caden is with Jesus.  Our entire family is mourning the loss of Caden's life, but at the same time (as his mom said last night), we know that God had a plan in all of this and we have faith that the Lord's decision to take Caden home early was what was supposed to happen.  Our cousin had Caden in the room with her, in his little bassinet, when we went to visit.  How tiny and perfect-looking his body was.
Our cousin losing her precious son isn't at all about me.  But this experience has reminded me that if our cousin can have faith without question that God knew what He was doing when he took Caden home, that He also knows without question why we seem to be stuck with Bright's adoption.  God is bigger than the Director of Social Services.  He's bigger than slow mail service.  He's bigger than Bright's previous malnutrition.  He's bigger than all of my hopes and dreams put together, times a million.  Bright will come home when and if he's supposed to come home.  It's God's job to work out the details, not mine.  [Someone--please remind me of that the next time I flip out, okay?  Because I'm sure there will be a next time!]