Oh my friends. If you only knew what has been going on the past few days. Well, some of you do so you will know how much it joys me to write this post!!!
I came very close losing my sweet Bright. VERY CLOSE. As in, a decision had been made by my husband that we couldn't go down this path anymore. The possibility of an interim adoption rather than a final adoption is terrifying to him. He had become very angry and bitter about how things were said they would go vs. how things have actually gone with this program. My own commitment to Bright never budged, but I began to feel guilty (as I should have) everythime I would put my foot down and say, "I will NOT leave Bright!" We never really fought much about it, but Eric would get very quiet. The type of quiet that you worry about. The type of quiet that is deep resentment and bitterness building up--both over the adoption situation and also my complete lack of respect towards his feelings.
There is a LOT of drama that goes on bewteen the above portion of the story and where we ended up. Where we ended up was with a decision to walk away from the Ghana program. I felt that I had to put our marriage first and my husband NEEDED to know that I would submit to him on this if he put his foot down (hate that term because it's not like I'm a shrinking lilly). Eric very rarely "puts his foot down" in our family, which is why I know when he does it's because he feels something very deeply.
So last night I went to bed crying with the knowledge that I had lost my most perfect Bright in Ghana. Today my grieving began as I woke up literally sick with grief. I couldn't think of him without feeling how we failed him by walking away. I tried to "get over it" but I must say that, if anything, my grief only because more strong as the day wore on.
When Eric came home from work he knew I was still feircely mourning Bright. And it was like a light clicked on for him. He said that when he saw how I mourned for this orphan boy he felt like it was an illustration of how God himself loves these children. He said that if I wanted to, we should continue on our journey to adopt Bright until someone official tells us that he isn't ours to adopt or until he comes home. PRAISE GOD!!!!!!! Eric also said that we can continue on with our plans to adopt a child from Ethiopia, but because of our finances we will need to use the much slower (but equally wonderful) Adoption Advocates International program.
In addition, Eric and I have agreed (at this point) that if Bright doesn't come home from Ghana we will not pursue 2 children in Ethiopia but will be contend with 3 children. If for some reason we are unable to adopt a child from Ethiopia we have agreed that it will be our sign from God that Taevy and Samren are two be our only two children.
Please send a big praise up to heaven tonight on behalf of Bright and our family!!!!!