Ethics
Maybe I'm a dork, but I think it's good for us to really step back and consider ethical delimmas that we could be put into throughout the adoption process (both here and abroad). So I think I'll make a habit of making Tuesdays a day to put a poll up (that will last a week) and present another adoption-related ethical delimma we could all be faced with at some point. I know that throughout three adoptions with three different agencies I have been faced with decisions I NEVER thought I would be in the position to have to make.
Anita
3 comments:
Hi Anita...
Sorry.... I sent my message and went!! DOH!!! she is going to kill me!! I agree with what most people said.. sorry about the tax statement to all !! I really don't know the full story on that one.. I think alot of us feel vulnerable and at the mercy of any agency sometimes.. how many people like to ask at the job interview .. sooooo whats the money like?? you sometimes sit there and hope to god they bring it up first!!! and especialy when your in the middle of the adoption .. you definitely don't feel like saying anything to rock the boat....lol.
It's just very unfortunate that you are going through all of this still.. hope it all works out from both sides without tooo much bitterness.... then you can all just get on with the fun of life and the joy that parenthood brings!!
Darren
lol Anita.. I just read the neck thing.. I did laugh!! I guess I do stick it out a bit.. but hey!! I am a bloke... you should all know me by now!! I do stir the pot the other way sometimes .. but boy oh boy.. it does it make people think a bit more and not sit on teh fence! and respond in a way that you wouldn't normally get... I think it is healthy.. Love me or hate me.. I am really a nice bloke and make a dam good chocolate cake!! anytime anyone is passing through Bahrain!!
BUT babe.. your question ...Yes. Whatever the agency says, goes.( I don't agree with what ever the angency says , goes..question) I would have just said yes or no?? just a thought. Yes I would pay.. but no I don't think it is 100% correct.
Darren ( with my neck out again!! yikes)
( I better get to work!! )
Anita,
I think the weekly ethics question is a great idea! I think it is easy to think "these things happen to other people - we picked a good agency - we won't have to deal with this sort of stuff". The reality is, though, that no one can ever be sure that they won't have to make a decision like that. After all...once you see pictures of your child...once you've given your heart to a child its not so easy to walk away. And I think that some agencies are aware of this and may even be willing to exploit that (shame on them). As a parent, you want to do whatever it is that you feel you have to do to protect them and bring them home.
For the last ethics question, I wrote that I would not be willing to pay the retroactive fees. But...in reality, I probably would have done exactly what you and Eric did; offer to pay a large portion of the fees just so you could completely sever ties with the agency and enjoy parenting your new child. I wouldn't have liked doing it (and I would have written some letters to my senators, BBB, and the state representatives for the state the agency is in), but I would have wanted to end the relationship quickly...spending enjoyable time with my new child would be more important than the money. It isn't fair that agencies can change the rules part-way through. And it certainly isn't fair that the kids can be "held hostage" until the parents agree to play by the new rules (whether the children were actually "held" or not....to APs it FEELS like the child is being "held hostage" sometimes).
Chanda
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