Well...Eric and I have made a joint decision about whether or not to adopt Bright's older brother Wise. We are going forward. It's sereal just seeing those words in print! When the Lord first put Wise (and the oldest brothers) on my heart so heavily last Sunday I didn't know what would come of it. I didn't know if we should adopt Wise. Or if I *wanted* to adopt Wise. Take my insecurities about the situation and multiply them ten-fold. This is how Eric felt! Neither one of us was saying no, but we weren't jumping up and down with a yes either.
But doors kept opening, and hearts began to change.
By late last week I felt like we were supposed to do this. This is different from our previous adoption quests because I have always been 1000% excited and ready to go before! But if we go forward to adopt Wise it means that my last "spot" in the family is gone. And honestly, I'm tired. Our schedule is crazy. We just brought home Bright a month ago. Nevertheless I couldn't ignore what I felt the Lord was calling us to do. My flesh isn't as excited as it has been before, but my spirit is jumping up and down! It's weird. I just can't explain it. Hmmm....
Eric said over the weekend that we would make the decision on Tuesday evening. He was also struggling with his flesh (literally and figuratively). He said that he knows this is something the Lord is calling us to do, but that it's still extremely difficult for him to say yes. He wants to feel good again (which means he needs a kidney transplant)..and he wants to get out of debt (having another child won't help that)...and he fears that he won't be the energetic attentive father he wants to be (which is rediculous if you've ever seen Eric with his kids--he's wonderful). Of course he also thinks about "what if I die soon and you're a single mom to 4 kids."
In the end, we have both said yes to going forward with the adoption of Wise. Wow!!! I have no idea how the Lord is going to work this out. Both Eric and I agree that we absolutely cannot go into more debt (and actually, probably couldn't even if we wanted to!). The Lord has blessed us with an inexpensive path to adopting Wise, but $6000 still isn't easy to come by in our family. We will be cashing out a small non-active 401K from one of Eric's previous jobs in order to get us going financially. I look forward to seeing how the Lord provides for the rest of the $4000-$5000!!!
Thanks to all of you who have shared your thoughts and experiences about "secondary adoption of a sibling." They really helped us to make this decision.
P.S. My friend here in OK is unable to go forward with the adoption of Bright's two oldest brothers. PLEASE let me know if the Lord has put it on your heart to adopt a 7-8 and 10-11 year old boy sib set with two brothers in Oklahoma!