Weekend Update

Hmmm...no picture. I've neglected my camera duties this weekend!

Well, this was a sort of mixed up weekend, emotionally. When I learned on Friday about the information that caused us not to be able to go forward with Wise's adoption, I went kind of numb. I hadn't gone far enough in the process to be super heartbroken (for me, I was for the boys) because I knew there were lots of things that could keep the adoption from being completed. So I didn't cry. I didn't get angry. I just took a nap to let my heart settle. After the nap I felt an overwhelming urge just to celebrate the kids that we DO have at home! I have three amazing kids. And there is a certain freedom that comes with not thinking about adoption or adoption finances for the first time in 2 years!

So we did something we haven't done hardly at all the past few years. We went out to dinner "just because" and then took the kids to a night movie--not even a matenee! LOL! It was Bright's first time at the movies and maybe our other kids' 5th or 6th time. It was so obvious during the movie that our kids are much more used to renting a movie than going to a theater! Samren could NOT stop talking in his regular voice, all three of the kids let out loud farts at some point, and the two oldest were complaining about how they felt like they were going to throw up before the movie was over (too many gummy worms)! Oh--and Eric's body temp is way down since he started dialysis so he was FREEZING during the movie. I looked over and here is my grown husband with his arms inside his shirt and his sleeves hanging limp (you know that thing that we all did when we were cold as kid). Not SUCH a big deal if there wasn't ONE light that refused to go off in the movie theater that just happened to be shining on OUR family! I told him he would have to suffer through and get those limbs outside of his shirt! He looked rediculous! This is how we Gillispies have fun. Ha!

After our night of "celebration" on Friday I woke up Saturday in an awful mood. One of those moods that comes from deep within and you don't really know why you are in the funk you are in. I realized about half way through the day that this was my day to mourn for Bright's brothers--or at least mourn the part that I thought I might have in helping them find a family that would stay in touch with us. It's GOOD that they are in an orphanage where they can be adopted (at least the younger two). But someone I know reminded me that they might end up with a family that lives half way around the world. Good for the boys, because they would have a family and that is the goal. But not good for the boys' relationship as brothers with Bright. That's a long way off from the dream I had of all four of them living within the same state. And I have absolutely no influence or control over the situation now. Unfortunately the agency we adopted Bright through doesn't seem to have any motivation to keep the boys in touch. Thankfully someone else close to the situation has said that he will try to keep me in the loop.

So that brings us today. A day of rest. That's what I've tried to let it be. We laid around and watched college footbal (yes, my husband is addicted enough that he's been watching last year's games on ESPNU). I worked with the kids on sharpening up their academic skills before the school year starts next Tuesday. Read books. Cuddled. Tried to make the back of my mind stop thinking about Bright's brothers. Tried to give it to God. Getting closer every day.

Anita

God Closed the Door

Hi all,

Hard post to put out there...

Unless something huge happens (and I don't know what that would be) we will not be adopting Wise, Bright's older biological brother in Ghana. I can't go into all of the details because some of it reflects poorly on the birth family and I don't want to put ugly stuff out there about my son's birth family.

To make a very long story short, both Wise and the next oldest brother, Steven, have been relinquished to an orphanage. The birth family is aware that we would have liked to adopt Wise. It just isn't going to happen.

Eric and I put out a very specific circumstance to the Lord. "Lord if X happens, we will see this as a closed door to adopting Wise." Well...X happened.

The good news is that the boys ARE in care--that's much better than their family situation. So praise God for that! Better news is that there is a possibility at least that they can be adopted now. There is an adoption agency that has an exclusive agreement to place the children from this specific orphanage. So now our hope is that the adoption agency will grant us our request of keeping in contact with an adoptive family that is found for the boys. Our prayer is that both Wise and Steven will find permanent love and support through adoption very soon.

Having God close a door after having everything initially look so "open" is pretty hard to understand. Why did He make everything look so perfect to begin with? I suppose that is His business alone. What I do know is that we very ernestly sought His will in deciding to pursue Wise's adoption--and I believe we were supposed to say yes. Maybe the Lord was testing our faith in Him? Maybe He was preparing us for a different challenge at a later date? No matter what, the Lord has been faithful to us to close a door that we asked Him to close if this wasn't His ultimate will for our family or Wise.

Thanks for all of the prayers folks.
Anita

Please Pray

Update: Sorry all. I can't go into what's going on with Wise. We do so appreciate your prayers though.

Something major is going on with Wise's potential adoption. It's not good. Please pray for no evil intent and a lot of mercy from all involved.

Anita

New Name for a New Life

Wise's new name will be Cainan Micah Wise Gillispie if he is able to join our family. If you don't like it, don't tell me! LOL! It was too hard of a decision to make!!! =-)

Cainan--a varient of Kenan, who was a great grandson of Adam, means "to increase"
Micah--"Who is like God?"
Wise--" having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right"

Anita

Lovin' the comments!

Thanks to all of you for commenting so much lately. Gosh--it makes me feel like someone besides me reads this blog! LOL! Here are a few responses to comments posted on the last few blog entries:

"Tell me about the awesome hat Eric is wearing!"

Mary Ellyn-- That was a hat he put on for fun in Cambodia. Isn't it hilarious?! He would die if he knew I posted that picture of him, but that's what he gets for not reading my blog! Actually, above is a topper, don't you think?

"I dearly love his name. I totally understand though as you know our E's name has potential to be a target for a teasing name too."

Renee--I don't think I put it out there enough that I actually LOVE Wise's name too! Eric and I both do. It's just the "wise guy" stuff that we think about. You know I LOVE E's possible nick name and I think that will be seen as really a neat name by most people. Actually...I thought about it for Wise's new name!

"Anyway, having been adopted from an orphanage (36 years ago! yikes!)and having siblings and cousins adopted from orphanages and having all of our names changed, I can say it bothered none of us. But, I actually am emailing you because I have been reading your posts about Wise and in my mind have been pronouncing it "Weiss." That is obviously not how it's spelled! But for some reason that's just how I've been reading it. It did give me the idea though that by adding an "e" after the "W" perhaps you could just alter the pronounciation a wee bit."

Jennifer--thanks so much for adding your perspective as an adoptee and an adoptive mom! Priceless! I'm glad to know that you were fine with your name being changed. I've never heard of an adopted child who had a problem with it, but you know...it's one more thing for we adoptive parents to worry about! I cracked up when I read that you read Wise as Weiss! That is how it is pronounced in Ghana!!!! So you are right. ;-) Of course in America it would be seen as wise, the character attribute. I really like your idea for adding the "e". Something to think about for sure, even if we keep it as a middle name and still give him a new first name!

Thanks again everybody. Love hearing from you!

Anita

Today's Special

Does anybody else out there remember that show from when "Nick" or NickJr" was "Nickelodeon?" Back then on Nickelodeon there was Today's Special, Double Dare, The Monkeys and a few other shows! LOL! Anyway...

I talked with my friend in Ghana today that is helping with Wise's adoption. I am so encouraged! She thinks that after her friend finds the boys' family Wise could be in her home in days rather than weeks. I was definitely expecting weeks! In addition, she thinks it's possible that he could be home for Christmas (if there are no delays). I really thought it would be well after the first of the year, but we shall see. My tentative goal is to have our paperwork to her by the end of August.

I'm sure some of you are wondering why Eric and I aren't adopting Wise through AAI. It's not because of a lack of confidence--at all! There are a few reasons. First, AAI's policy is that a family needs to wait 6 months between child placements. This is a GOOD policy, and I support it. But in our particular situation it would be very difficult to wait 5 more months before bringing Wise into better care. A lot can happen to a 5 year old in Ghana in 5 months. Also, I know the ins and outs of AAI's program and know that we would need to pay regular (or close to regular) fees. The program is just getting started and there's no cush in the budget. But my friend is able to help us to do an independant adoption as a sort of "gift"--at her cost. We couldn't do this any other way, so this is really God's provisions shining through. =-)

We've been thinking a lot about Wise's name. It's a hard one! We've talked about him enough that his name seems pretty normal to us, but that is NOT the reaction we get from others. Even die-hard "keep your adopted kid's name" people have said it might be better to give him a different first name. Just think about it....Wise N. Heimer....Wise -ss, Wise Crack, and a ton of other stuff I'm sure 5th graders around the country could come up with. So we're thinking of adding a new first name and keeping Wise as his middle name. An added bonus in this is that I believe my friend in Ghana would begin to call him by his new name when he came into her care--so he would have made that adjustment well before coming home to us. If he absolutely didn't take to a new name we would of course allow him to go by Wise.

Our decisions is made...

Hi all,

Well...Eric and I have made a joint decision about whether or not to adopt Bright's older brother Wise. We are going forward. It's sereal just seeing those words in print! When the Lord first put Wise (and the oldest brothers) on my heart so heavily last Sunday I didn't know what would come of it. I didn't know if we should adopt Wise. Or if I *wanted* to adopt Wise. Take my insecurities about the situation and multiply them ten-fold. This is how Eric felt! Neither one of us was saying no, but we weren't jumping up and down with a yes either.

But doors kept opening, and hearts began to change.

By late last week I felt like we were supposed to do this. This is different from our previous adoption quests because I have always been 1000% excited and ready to go before! But if we go forward to adopt Wise it means that my last "spot" in the family is gone. And honestly, I'm tired. Our schedule is crazy. We just brought home Bright a month ago. Nevertheless I couldn't ignore what I felt the Lord was calling us to do. My flesh isn't as excited as it has been before, but my spirit is jumping up and down! It's weird. I just can't explain it. Hmmm....

Eric said over the weekend that we would make the decision on Tuesday evening. He was also struggling with his flesh (literally and figuratively). He said that he knows this is something the Lord is calling us to do, but that it's still extremely difficult for him to say yes. He wants to feel good again (which means he needs a kidney transplant)..and he wants to get out of debt (having another child won't help that)...and he fears that he won't be the energetic attentive father he wants to be (which is rediculous if you've ever seen Eric with his kids--he's wonderful). Of course he also thinks about "what if I die soon and you're a single mom to 4 kids."

In the end, we have both said yes to going forward with the adoption of Wise. Wow!!! I have no idea how the Lord is going to work this out. Both Eric and I agree that we absolutely cannot go into more debt (and actually, probably couldn't even if we wanted to!). The Lord has blessed us with an inexpensive path to adopting Wise, but $6000 still isn't easy to come by in our family. We will be cashing out a small non-active 401K from one of Eric's previous jobs in order to get us going financially. I look forward to seeing how the Lord provides for the rest of the $4000-$5000!!!

Thanks to all of you who have shared your thoughts and experiences about "secondary adoption of a sibling." They really helped us to make this decision.

Anita

P.S. My friend here in OK is unable to go forward with the adoption of Bright's two oldest brothers. PLEASE let me know if the Lord has put it on your heart to adopt a 7-8 and 10-11 year old boy sib set with two brothers in Oklahoma!