Sunday, July 29, 2007

Weekend Update picture. I've neglected my camera duties this weekend!

Well, this was a sort of mixed up weekend, emotionally. When I learned on Friday about the information that caused us not to be able to go forward with Wise's adoption, I went kind of numb. I hadn't gone far enough in the process to be super heartbroken (for me, I was for the boys) because I knew there were lots of things that could keep the adoption from being completed. So I didn't cry. I didn't get angry. I just took a nap to let my heart settle. After the nap I felt an overwhelming urge just to celebrate the kids that we DO have at home! I have three amazing kids. And there is a certain freedom that comes with not thinking about adoption or adoption finances for the first time in 2 years!

So we did something we haven't done hardly at all the past few years. We went out to dinner "just because" and then took the kids to a night movie--not even a matenee! LOL! It was Bright's first time at the movies and maybe our other kids' 5th or 6th time. It was so obvious during the movie that our kids are much more used to renting a movie than going to a theater! Samren could NOT stop talking in his regular voice, all three of the kids let out loud farts at some point, and the two oldest were complaining about how they felt like they were going to throw up before the movie was over (too many gummy worms)! Oh--and Eric's body temp is way down since he started dialysis so he was FREEZING during the movie. I looked over and here is my grown husband with his arms inside his shirt and his sleeves hanging limp (you know that thing that we all did when we were cold as kid). Not SUCH a big deal if there wasn't ONE light that refused to go off in the movie theater that just happened to be shining on OUR family! I told him he would have to suffer through and get those limbs outside of his shirt! He looked rediculous! This is how we Gillispies have fun. Ha!

After our night of "celebration" on Friday I woke up Saturday in an awful mood. One of those moods that comes from deep within and you don't really know why you are in the funk you are in. I realized about half way through the day that this was my day to mourn for Bright's brothers--or at least mourn the part that I thought I might have in helping them find a family that would stay in touch with us. It's GOOD that they are in an orphanage where they can be adopted (at least the younger two). But someone I know reminded me that they might end up with a family that lives half way around the world. Good for the boys, because they would have a family and that is the goal. But not good for the boys' relationship as brothers with Bright. That's a long way off from the dream I had of all four of them living within the same state. And I have absolutely no influence or control over the situation now. Unfortunately the agency we adopted Bright through doesn't seem to have any motivation to keep the boys in touch. Thankfully someone else close to the situation has said that he will try to keep me in the loop.

So that brings us today. A day of rest. That's what I've tried to let it be. We laid around and watched college footbal (yes, my husband is addicted enough that he's been watching last year's games on ESPNU). I worked with the kids on sharpening up their academic skills before the school year starts next Tuesday. Read books. Cuddled. Tried to make the back of my mind stop thinking about Bright's brothers. Tried to give it to God. Getting closer every day.



Amblin 7:13 AM  

(((hugs))) I am so sorry that you and your family will be walking through this kind of grief.

Grosso Family 8:01 AM  

Anita - I'm sorry it has taken such a toll on you family. You DO have 3 amazing kids at home!!!!!

WOW they start school next week? that is so early....we don't start out here until Sept.

Barbara C 8:59 AM  

Hugs and prayers, Anita!