Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Wise Choice

I've been going back and forth on whether or not to post about this situation here, but I really need to write tonight and this is my place to write. My mom tells me I should just get a journal to keep the private stuff off of the internet. Wise words--but for some reason I feel no need to keep most things in my life private. Why? I am who I am. Our family is what it is.


I'd like to ask for prayer for a big decision that needs to be made. I've always had a special place in my heart for Bright's 3 older brothers--since I learned in March that their family would like for them to be adopted as well. But there was really nothing I could do to help them. I didn't have the right friends/contacts in Ghana. And honestly I was obsessed with getting our own already adopted son home. So when they pop into my heart I say a quick prayer and try to shove the thought of them way "back there" again quickly enough not to let guilt set in.

Bright's 3 older brothers are 5is, 7ish, and 10ish. The local orphanage where they live will not take them because their home is close enough that the boys run away from the orphanage. This was a problem before...but not now. Now I have a friend who would be willing to take the boys in if an adoptive family were found.

The ironic thing is that if Eric and I would have known Bright had a (then) 4 year old brother who was in need of adoption we would have adopted both him and Bright together to start with. We were approved for 2 children 5 and under and hoped for biological siblings! But we didn't know. Our eldest (Taevy) needs to remain the eldest so it isn't possible for us to adopt the two eldest brothers.

The other night I was working through all of the old messages in my inbox and came across a bunch of photos that a volunteer sent to me of Bright's brothers. They were from last summer, when they came to the orphanage for school during the day. Just the 5 and 7 year old. When I opened those pictures it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't tuck the emotions way back inside of myself and look the other direction. Bright's brothers have such a strong resemblance to him. His youngest brother's head...and eyes...and nose...and lips...and even facial expressions are seen in my house every day through his baby brother Bright! My heart broke, and I knew I had to do something.

So our family is faced with a difficult decision. Do we adopt Bright's 5 year old brother even though there are lots of (earthly) reasons not to? Major medical issues going on in our family...major financial issues going on with our family. And the fact that Bright has only been home a month. What is our responsibility in this? What is our responsibility to Bright? And to his brothers? Now I am in a position to be able to work with people in Ghana towards the boys' adoption. I cannot turn my back on them.

I have put this decision in Eric's hands. I know it's from God if HE decides we should adopt Bright's brother, because Eric has said he really doesn't think he wants anymore kids! He is praying about this though...this is a little different. This is Bright's brother. This is sweet little Wise.

Please pray that if we are not able to adopt Wise that I will be able to find a family who can adopt all three boys and who lives close enough that all four brothers can maintain a relationship throughout life. Please pray that if we do adopt Wise the Lord would sling doors open for us to bring him home and will make it perfectly evident that this was His plan.
And this is a post that I'd really like to hear your thoughts on. Leave me a comment--or a paragraph--or a page...if you like!

Thanks,
Anita

4 comments:

Anonymous 10:49 PM  

I honestly believe that it is VERY inmporant to these kids later on in life to have a sibling that looks like them..to have one that really truly DOES look like them and is biologically related will mean even more to them later on in life. We adopted a little girl from Haiti and are now adopting her biological aunt and uncle. She allready comments on skin colour and how they are chocolate like her and we are vanilla..etc... if you adopted Wise and someone adopted the other 2 brothers then they would each have someone...just food for thought!!

InternationalMommy 5:31 AM  

Hi Anita~
I am an adoptive mom from AOH, and we had already finalized the adoption of our almost 2 year old daughter when we found out she had an aunt in the orphanage. A couple days later we found out they were half sisters!! We had no idea how we would handle 4 kids, and we had NONE of the money, but we decided to go for it and God has provided everything!! I think it is really something special...good luck with such a hard decision!

~Charity
mom to 4 kids

2 waiting for passports in Liberia!
(Malaya 2 and Aries 10ish)

Bingaling 10:19 AM  

Anita,
This is such a hard choice! You and I have talked about Bright's brothers in the past and I know that you have a heart to help them in any way that you can. Its hard to know what to do...Do you adopt Wise and start looking for a family for the older two boys? Do you keep the three of them together and find a family for all of them together? Do you try to find a way to sponsor them somehow? Would they be better off separated into two sibling groups of two (Bright and Wise together and the older two boys together)?

I really don't think there is a "right" answer here. You just have to follow where you are lead. I know that you and Eric will make the decision that is right for your family...

I'll be praying for you. This decision is a tough one...
Chanda
(I know...I'm not much help)

Anonymous 1:34 PM  

Here's our family's take on our situation. We have two children who were adopted from Guatemala. A year after DD came home, we felt our family was complete. We received a phone call that her first mom had delivered another baby and we were asked if we were interested in adopting him. We considered it and then decided we had built our family on the foundation that being biologically related was not necessary. That being said, we knew before long there would be a family wanting to adopt him. Our agency referred him to a family willing to have contact with ours and we see them once or twice a year. Your family does not know for sure that the children would be adopted by another family and that makes it very difficult to make the choices you have in front of you. We will pray you find direction and an answer for your family and be lead to find a family willing to take two (if you take Wise)or three of the boys.
We appreciate your willingness to share your journeys. My DH had a kidney transplant almost 10 years ago and is going strong, we will continue to pray for your DH's health.
Take care, Rhonda