Friday, January 23, 2009

Ramblings from a Tired Lady

My brain is tired. My heart is tired. Ever since yesterday I've been very much within myself. My mom called today and I think I cried most of the time we talked. I just still struggling to make sense of so many things.

I watched Blood Diamond today on my computer. Wow. I've said it before but I'll say it again. If you haven't seen that movie, go and rent it. Don't get it in your head that Africa is all blood and violence. Try to carry away from it how strong the family is. How proud the people are. And how sad it is that we westerners us these people to our profit over and over and over throughout history. The way they shot that movie is just very realistic to what I see here in Ghana. The street scenes and market scenes...the open air bar..that's just like it is here in Ghana. Thankfully Ghana hasn't experience widespread violence in a long time.

Today, the world seems too heavy. How does God not just turn His back on us? Why does he continue to give us new mercies each day? I don't get it. I couldn't allow my children to hurt themselves over and over and over again without losing my mind from the grief I'd feel.

I don't understand this kind of love that God has. I might get to glimpse a bit every now and then, but as a whole I think it is largely a mystery. In the same day, why does he bless me by someone giving me a watch, while somewhere else in the world a woman prayed out to Him for help but her children were still stho in front of her. I know that He loves her, just as much as me. I don't think He shows more love for one of His children than others. I am so thankful for the way the Lord provides for me, in big and small ways. I'm not compliainig! I just wish there didn't have to be a set of people whose prayers were not answered as they hoped.


Shonni 8:04 AM  

Thank you for your thoughts. I watched Blood Diamond last year, and thought that it was done very well, and yes, it left me with so many feelings. I read many books about the stories of people and families who live in Africa and other poor places, because I purposefully want to remind myself of THEIR story. My children share part of those stories...I want to remember and be an advocate for them. We are blessed, and loved, and Gods grace to me is such a mystery...
Thanks again for sharing your heart, I really appreciate it.

whenpigsfly 10:17 AM  

You have given me so much to think about, and have stirred up so many thoughts already in my head and heart.Orphans, needs, grace, separating siblings, connecting with family, grace and mercy, tragedy. You know I share your deep emotion about Bright and his siblings; when it seemed inevitable that we would be separating the 3 sibs who were eventually, and in two parts of the story, able to all come home and be Smiths together, the pain was one of the heaviest I have ever felt. We met them as siblings, and yet the unthinkable was happening through no fault of our own. Regardless of where orphan children live, regardless of what an adoptive family is "hoping for" it is so imperitve that agencies, orphanage personnel, and adoptive families respect, honor and pursue the integrity of FAMILY, making it a focal point to keep siblings together as much as is possible.
And your comment about being given a watch when others watch their chldren die................that is right on with my deep sentiment about being a military family. My guys have served, are serving, 10 tours of duty so far, and they have come home alive and well to us. I feel so undeservedly blessed and so covered by mercy when I think of families who sent one soldier to serve and that one didn't come back alive. It causes me to pray for our soldiers daily, and to not take a moment of my life for granted, or a moment of my time with my loved ones. Can one ever be TOO BLESSED??? It is all in God's economy,every one of us are part of that economy, life isn't easy....whatever that really means, but I am reminded to count my blessings and see where I can reach out and bless someone else!

mary grace 2:17 PM  

I have had those seasons. Seassons when the world is too dark and the light seems so small in comparison. Times when my heart can't take any more bad news. When my soul is weary.

God refreshes.

I am praying that He will reach into your life today and bring the sunshine.