Missing

Someone is missing. Her name is Kendi Mabel! She has definitely taken root in our family even though she has yet to set foot in our home. A few months ago we purposely thought about what it would be like to have her at the table, on our family adventures, or sitting in the car. Now there is no more purposeful thought about it. There is this constant feeling that she is already "here" but just doesn't happen to be home at the moment. I SERIOUSLY catch myself counting kids to make sure we are all here during a walk (or whatever) and for a second ask myself "Where's Kendi?" It's interesting how the heart can jump so far ahead of reality sometimes.

My dad died 5 days before I started my first day of college. It was his favorite school, and he was a die-hard OU Football fan. I was a member of "The Pride" marching band (not as dorky as it sounds when it's university level and you get to play in front of 75,000 people every week)! Anyway, I remember coming home to my dorm room after my first OU home game. I couldn't wait to call and tell my dad how it was! It was his dream for me to do what I had just done! I dialed the number. My step mom answered. Then it hit me. He was dead. For that few minutes it took me to come in and call his number I just...forgot. I forgot he wasn't here anymore.

With Kendi, I am forgetting that she's NOT here already.

It is the same sort of disappointment. It didn't feel right that my dad wasn't there any more. It doesn't feel right that Kendi isn't here yet.

Anita