No Tears

Kendi was placed in my arms (for good) three weeks ago today. Is it odd that I haven't cried yet? I think it's odd. I'm a cryer. I cry well, and often. But I haven't cried since she came home. The first time Taevy was placed in my arms I literally FELT my heart growing. ;-) Needless to say, I bawled my head off. And yet I can tell you that I feel such JOY at Kendi being home. It's not an emotionless thing. It's just a different sort of emotion than I've had with my other kids. Maybe it's because I truly felt like she was already ours--that her homecoming was an inevitability. I didn't have that with my other three. I felt like someone could take them away from me until we were in our house with them (realistic or not).

Life is crazier than it's ever been, but I find myself sitting around with a contented half smile on my face. Right now all of my kids and Eric are outside playing in the front yard. I'm supposed to be working on Christmas lists for grandparents. I hear the kids laughing and running and (sometimes) arguing. And it is so good! Having these four children in my life is worth any amount of extra craziness. THESE FOUR. When we added Taevy, and Samren, and then Bright to our family it was as if our family had to change to accommodate these new people. It was a good change, but I remember a great sense of relief when we found our new normal. With Kendi, it's different. I don't love her any more than the other children. There's no greater sense of attachment with her than there was with the other kids. But she has just slid right into the spot that I believe was always meant to be hers. There have been no huge changes. She is so totally a Gillispie kid (with a unique beginning story that is hers alone, just like all the other Gillispie kids). We are hers and she is ours. And she also belongs to somebody else.

I don't mean to imply that everything is perfect. Nothing is ever perfect. But it's so much better than I thought it would be! I always tell the parents I work with to expect the worse and be thankful if it isn't "the worst." I guess I did that well myself because I am just shocked at how easy it has been to blend The Diva into daily life. She's still got a lot more adjustment to do. She's nowhere NEAR attached to us. She will call any mommy-like figure "momma" (as is culturally appropriate for Ghana but not here). She will trade me up in a heartbeat for the newest greatest nicest "momma" in the room. There is no doubt that we will be attachment parenting for the next several months in hopes of getting the basics of family through to Kendi. But the day to day has been very simple so far.

Bright is teaching us that even years after adoption, issues can pop up that are probably adoption related. He attached VERY well. But now, 2.5 years after adoption, he is showing us some things that need attention. He's showing us rage that he didn't show us until the last 6 months. He's showing us that his relationship with food is not healthy. Kendi may have things pop up in a few years too. But for now, everything is good. No need for tears. Just a huge sense of thanksgiving for my family.

Anita

P.S. First round of colds of the season going on here. Yuck.