Monday, September 14, 2009

The State of State

Game Day for Upward. Once she saw the little purple monster chair that just HAD to be hers.

On of her favorite things to do is lay in daddy's arms and let him tickle her.

We tried to pep up the trip to Little Rock (to see Kendis' doctor) as fun as possigle, but the Arkansas state line monument is about as much as we were up for that day!

Kendi and Bright finally started really playing together last night. Eric and I are very impressed. so far they are negotiating and compromising very well.

Doesn't this pick say it all? Those babies love their daddy. And so do I.

I feel like we're dangling...waiting for the hard stuff to start...waiting for Kendi to hit a brick wall and start raging and grieving. I figured by now I would be writing about how hard it is for her (or the other kids) right now, but everything is still going very well.

Don't get me wrong. The "shiny new" has worn down a bit where the kids are concerned. They are starting to actually tell her no (imagine!), and Bright is definitely starting to show jealousy. Bright is really doing TONS better than we would have thought though. He starts to lose it and then you can see his little heart make a 360, he takes a deep breath, and acts with love towards his new sister.

Bright and Kendi have definitely become the duo to watch. They copy each other in word, action, and deed. If one does something nice, the other will copy it exactly. But if one does something naught the other is eager to get in on that action too!

Taevy is the ultimate big sis to all three of her littles. They all look up to her. Kendi is no exception. In Ghana, Kendi would call any caregiver "mama" or "mommy". She's learning slowly to say "sissy" instead, but usually still tries to call Taevy "mama." Taevy has been absolutely wonderful with Kendi. Not a hint of jealousy so far. I expected more issues than this, since she's our kiddo with the least secure attachment.

Samren, bless his heart, he tries so hard! Kendi has taken the longest time to warm up to him. At Eban House boys around his size are probably the ones most likely to whack you if you had something they wanted! I don't blame her for being tentative! But each day we're making progress. Samren has been so very patient, even though it hurts his heart not to be one of Kendi's favorites. Yesterday Kendi was playing a game where she was wiping Samren's kisses off. Today she actually let him hug her and kiss her on her hands. Whew. We'll get there!
First day home Kendi was a total Daddy's Girl. And she still adores her daddy for sure! But I would say she comes to us equally for most things. She is such a little capuchen! She has these strong skinny limbs that hang on to you from any position! LOL! She doesn't want to be down much and ends up on the couch with us most of the time. Thankfully, when the kids can play she is happy to run up the stairs and play with them, as if she had been here all along!

I expect rages by now. The closest we got was the 2nd day home, when we had to unaffectedly go to Little Rock last week. She screamed for 1.5 hours as we drove to Little Rock. It started out as a fit that turned into a rage. But since then, there has been nothing. We've had fits of all shapes and sizes, to be sure!! She either pouts and gives up quickly, whines and gives up quickly, or screams and gives up quick. Well, to be fair, sometimes you really must pout in order to work into a good whine, and the effect of a good whine is lost if a nice rounded scream doesn't follow. Nevertheless, the child seem to be doing perfectly age appropriate things at this time.

Eating is still doing great. She still wants formula 2-3 times a day, so we give it to her. The child needs to gain some weight. She's a willing eater so I am going to take advantage of that!

Kendi continues to sleep in our bed. She goes and she goes and she goes, until she stops. And when she stops there is no way to wake the child before SHE is ready to awake. She sleeps all night between us with just a few whines here or there.

I'm sure there's tough stuff coming, but I'm also sure that I'm glad it isn't going to be here just yet


FullPlateMom 6:13 AM  

Every kid is different, so I'm sure Kendi's road won't be exactly like Juliana's. It took us until week 1 to lose the "shiny new feeling". She shut down during week 2, but came back by week 3, that was when the rages began. It wasn't like they were unprovoked, they weren't random. But, it was like all the sudden she realized she wasn't just here to visit and there would be some expectations of her, like help clean up, or don't beat the dog. Those are the times she raged. We're into week 6 now and we only had ONE episode yesterday, but it was a doozie. It's a bummer to get your Cabbage Patch Kid taken away when you cold cock your brother with it. When she realized she wouldn't get it back until after "one sleep", she went ballistic. It was ON for the next 45 minutes. To me, this is still grief related. She probably thought she was NEVER getting her "baby" back. When she woke up this morning I made a big deal about giving it back to her. She'll learn to trust, but it is one long road. Good luck! We're here to listen if you need it. I can't imagine going through it alone.


Robynn's Ravings 4:38 PM  

Fascinating journey. Thanks for sharing.

Amy 5:10 PM  

Thanks for the wonderful update- I just LOVE hearing about it all. The pics are almost too much for me as I well up every time. Anita, why do you do it to me!? Oh maybe it is because I adore you and think you're amazing and knowing you are all together I just can't help but feel so much joy because of it!

Love you and your fam,

A. Gillispie 7:42 PM  

Thanks ladies.

Fabu, you're too much for me! Remember how we cried like every night when we were in Ghana together. Oh. Memories...

Becky, today was day 8 for Kendi. Well, I guess it was day 9 but she wasn't really "home" until 8 days ago. She's still holding strong, but I'm betting change is a'comin'!


sue 8:15 PM  


You just never know, there might not be any tough stuff ahead.

We were prepared for difficult situations with Gifty, and none of it ever happened.

Really, she just blended in so smoothly without any problems.

Maybe the honeymoon will last!

I am so happy for your family! It is just beautiful.

A. Gillispie 8:33 PM  

Sue, you are so right! Bright went through all of this "stuff" in Ghana and never really had issues once home. But I was in Ghana a month with him. With Kendi I was prepared for more "stuff" because she's older and she has such a strong personality. But Gifty DEFINITELY has the same type of strong spunky personality! Maybe (hopefully!) this spunky girl will never have horrible stuff to go through. Impossible to predict!

Brad Dildine 10:20 PM  

Anita, Congratulations on getting Kendi home. Tricia showed me these pictures on your blog. Kendi is a beautiful little girl. I miss her hugs. Good luck with things. Susanna and Kerrie and the rest of our girls are doing great!


HollyAnn 8:45 AM  

Oh Anita! I have been under a rock the past few weeks! I am so excited to see Kendi home! She is beautiful!!! I know you are thrilled!

As far as waiting for the bad stuff to come, I did the same with Toben, and now, 20 months home, the bad stuff still hasn't come! So I pray Kendi will be the same!