Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ho, Hum.

I've had some fairly jolly moments this Christmas season, but generally I've felt sort of grinchy. I can't quite put my finger on WHY. My four kids are home. My family feels complete, which is a fantastic feeling. It should be a banner year.

But honestly, I wasn't into decorating my house like I normally am. And at this point the house feels like it's falling in around me. Too much stuff. I think the Christmas decorations are coming down the day after Christmas. I need open spaces again!

It's not just the decorations. Something is just off in my spirit. The commercialism gets to me, but I still bought my kids plenty of gifts. I wish sometimes I was one of those really fundamentalist moms that does away with Christmas gifts for my children and we give back instead. But there's that little girl inside of me that remembers that magic feeling of Christmas, and coming down Christmas morning to a tree with presents just for me.

As wonderful as Kendi's transition has gone, things still aren't as normal as they will be six months from now. I think mostly it's me as a mom that has work to do. I don't feel organized. I don't feel "with it." My home feels chaotic but I feel too tired some days to mess with trying to make it better.

At any rate, prayers are appreciated. I'm looking forward to the open spaces and new opportunities for change that the new year will bring. I don't want to say I'm ready for Christmas to be over--but I'm ready for all the over-excess of this season to be done with.

1 comments:

Cat and Mark 5:49 AM  

I really empathize with those feelings. At least you still make time to blog! :) Pray for each other?

It WILL get under control.