It's about 3:15am. I'm supposed to get up in 1 hour 45 minutes, but I haven't been to sleep yet. Don't suppose I will. I woke up today with a very sudden cold/flu-like "thing" going on. No big fever, thank goodness, but I feel really yucky. On top of that, I did something to my back tonight while packing. I've never really hurt my back before, so I'm not really sure I hurt it hurt it. I just know it hurts--it hurts when I'm sitting and when I'm laying down. Lower back.
Some people believe that satan attacks. Others don't. I do. And I feel like he is attacking me now. Gosh....I'm crying now. I feel pretty down and pretty scared to get on the plane in a few hours with the way I'm feeling. Please, I would really appreciate your prayers for this trip.
On top of the physical, the thought of leaving my kids really hurts this time. I'm not ready to leave Kendi. She's not ready for me to leave her. I know she will be in excellent hands while I'm gone. But she doesn't have a clue what "two weeks" means. She's going to wake up in a few hours and I won't be here. Then she'll go to a whole nother two weeks, and neither Eric or I will be there. What is going to go through her head and heart? Will she think this is yet another transition in her life? I hope not. I know my friend Linda and my big kids will keep talking about how much mommy and daddy love her. It just scares me. I left Taevy after she had been home for 10 months (to get Samren) and it was horrible for her attachment. I don't want to relive that with Kendi. Please cover her in your prayers.
Taevy and Samren and Bright all "get" what it means when mommy goes to Ghana. They know I'll come back. But this will be their first time not to be with me OR Eric. Taevy is mature enough to realize that's going to be a tough one. I don't think the boys have thought about it yet.
Eric too, is pretty sad about this trip. He doesn't like the thought of being without his kids for 2 weeks. He'll be staying with his mom and dad during that time. He's never ever had to be away from his kids for more than a week since he became a dad 9 years ago--and that was just 6 days when he had his kidney transplant. He doesn't talk too much about it except to say that he really doesn't like it. I know his heart is hurting and that he will miss the kids terribly.
In case you're wondering why my family has to go through this when I go to Ghana...with Eric's low vision and diabetes, it's just not the safest plan for him to care for the children by himself. Because he's legally blind he can't drive. Someone needs to take him to work and to medical appointments. And someone needs to watch the kids during the day. His parents usually fill that role, but his parents are now super busy caring for his grandparents. They can help with Eric and the transportation, but cannot care for the kids this time.
We are super thankful for the Smith family (our friends about an hour away from us) for taking on the 4 kiddos. The kids consider them extended family anyway, and love the thought of being on a farm for two weeks. I know they will have a ton of fun. Plus, for Taevy and Samren, there is the added bonus of hanging out with other kids from Cambodia and Vietnam! Samren even gets to spend time with Naomi, his orphanage-mate from Vietnam. Yes, he thinks one day they will marry. =-)
I am pretty sure I won't have as much internet access on this trip as I have in the past. Blog updates may be few and far between. Or maybe not? I never know until I get there. But with a week in Bolga, and without the awesome wireless internet we had at Eban House, I'm just guessing my internet time will be more about dealing with important emails than the fun stuff (like updating the blog). You know me. I journal everyday anyway, and will just post the journal entries once home if I don't get to update at the time.
Thank you in advance for your prayers for my physical and emotional strength. I really need them this trip. Will be back on the 24th of April.
Thursday, April 08, 2010