Sunday, April 25, 2010

Home

I'm home. So glad to be here. I missed my family more than ever before.

It's sort of weird that going to Ghana for two weeks somehow protected me from most of the Ghana adoption drama I have become accustomed two the past two months. In some ways, I'm not feeling that into jumping back in. Ugh. It is so emotionally draining.

"Betrayal" is the word of the day. I know adoptive families who were betrayed by an orphanage they trusted. And children who were betrayed by the people who were supposed to take care of them. In a completely unrelated matter, I know of an adoptive family who is currently being betrayed by their agency, but has no idea (and I have no power to notify them).

I've been betrayed before by people I cared deeply about. Hmm...when I think about it, I've been betrayed by my previous adoption agency as well as some folks in Ghana I would have trusted with my life. It sucks.

I'm a control freak. I get sucked into the delusion that I can somehow save people from being betrayed if I keep yelling loud enough. How egotistical of me. I'm sick of yelling. I'm sick of telling myself I can keep bad things from happening to good people. The truth is, that's all out of my hands. All my yelling does is get me in trouble most of the time.

There is a part of me that just wants to cocoon myself. I want to take care of me and mine. I want to block out all of the outside "stuff" in my life and instead sit and cuddle my children. In my free time right now I am reading Amish fiction. Yes! LOL! There is something about the thought of being completely disconnected with the outside world that really speaks to my soul right now.

But the truth is I'm just having a weak moment. I'm tired and jet lagged. I know it's not really me to keep only to my family. I care about the community outside of this house I'm sitting in. So I'll probably keep yelling, and hope that one out of ten times it will do some good for someone out there. I'll remember what a small group of outraged adoptive families accomplished recently--they yelled, and someone listened, and children were saved.

Anita...who realizes this post probably makes no sense to anybody but me and my jet-lagged mind!

6 comments:

Cora 7:26 AM  

get some rest and some snuggles from you kids, that won't make things change but I am betting they will look a little bit more manageable after that.

Hugs, Cora

FullPlateMom 11:15 AM  

I think it makes perfect sense, and I can TOTALLY relate. Betrayal or no betrayal, there is good in that country. I'm determined to find it and use it to help the kids in Gomoa-Fetteh, which is just what you're doing for your adoptive families. We'll all just keep supporting each other as we continue to fight the good fight.

I'll let you rest, and then I'll email you. I could use your advice on resources (NOT ADOPTION RELATED, I'm leaving that to the professionals), just the resources that you might know of for feeding programs, schools and just some cultural questions.
--Becky

whenpigsfly 11:35 AM  

I do understand! A local betrayal of sorts this weekend has caused me to recoil or react in a very similar manner....for the (I am sure : short) time being. You and I are so of the same passionate cloth. God will revive us, an rebuild and restore the passions and guide them where He wants them directed. Down time is good too. Keep cuddling your AWESOME family and recharge your batteries!
Love
Linda

Amy 10:09 PM  

Glad you made it home safely and I'm sorry there is so much heaviness. It sounds like some very difficult stuff. Love ya Anita.

Fabu

Renee 1:51 PM  

So glad to hear you are home and ensconced in the love of your family.

You have such a dear and compassionate heart.

Praying over all of these things.

Teabo Chica 3:47 PM  

Its hard when you know too much! With knowledge does come resposibilty and I think your heart trouble is just knowing how and where to use it. Knowing you, you want to help EVERYONE but I know your heart is breaking over some of these issues.
Got some rest!
Hugs!