For me, personally, this is what it's all about. Families that want kids. Kids that need families. Kids and families that can look back years later and not question on single aspect of their adoption. This is my hope for adoptive families.
I think I'm going to turn comments off for a while. I was just sitting here thinking of saying, "I'm not doing it because I don't want to hear from you..." and then I thought, "No. I am doing it because I sort of don't want to hear it!" It's not exactly that bad, but I do just feel the need to be able to speak without it turning into a big discussion. I know, I know, I did that to myself. I'm the one that ASKS these no-good-answer questions. I'm the one that loves a good debate. Except not right now.
Yeah, yeah, I got stung so I'm running back to my safe place. You know me well.
I've never been an adoption coordinator without being an adoptive mom. I have been an adoptive mom without being an adoption coordinator. The adoption community has always been really big with me, as a mom. And as a coordinator, I couldn't really imagine NOT being involved in the community. I know some coordinators are just "too busy" for that sort of thing. I couldn't imagine being too busy to be involved in the community of parents I so love.
The question now is, SHOULD I be involved in the community? What would life be like if I weren't talking back and forth with everybody all the time? Who says I have to be the one to try to educate about the realities of corruption in adoption? Who says I have to be the one to answer questions? Who says I have to be the one that people call when things aren't going right with their agency? And certainly, if the community doesn't even want me to be doing those things, why would I push myself into that position? How could it possibly benefit me or my program to be so involved all the time? Lord help me the day I screw up or something corrupt happens in one of our adoptions (without my knowledge). Ha! The community would be in such a tizzy about that (since I've set myself up to be the corruption cop).
All in all, I figure I've tried it one way. I've been super-involved for 4 years. Why not try it the other way? Why not step almost completely out of it? [Part of me is saying to myself, "Why not? Because you are passionate about this stuff and want people to learn from your mistakes and experiences".] I don't know if I can (or want to) really leave my adoption community, but I can give it a go just to see what life will be like without feeling a burden of responsibility to educate, inform, share, etc.
So if you don't hear from me, don't think it's because I don't care about you. I took my FB page down to the basics tonight--just keeping my tried and true friends, family, and the early life folks I don't want to lose touch with! I know that my Ghana peeps are still hanging around and will (hopefully) friend me again when I'm ready to crawl back out of my shell. And the big yahoo group--I think I'll unsub from there as well. Conversations are slow there lately. Maybe it's because everybody FEARS talking in case big bad Anita brings out the "C" word. Who knows? Maybe they'll take me back at a later date.
I thought about going private on this blog, but for now I've decided against it. This is sort of my place. And if people want to come here and read my rants, or see pictures of my oh-so-adorable kids, I'm fine with that. I also thought about doing "comment moderation." That way people could still comment, but if someone said something mean I could just erase it like it never happened. But no. It happened, and I will still be hurt by it as I press the delete button. I'm all soft and easily bruised like that! So...hmm...no comments. I really just wish there was a button for "no debate." I like to hear from folks who want to comment. I am just not in a place where I wish to debate my words. Instead I would say, "Don't like what I said? Great! Get your own blog and gripe about it over there! Because here? Here we are avoiding confrontation for a while."
This will be good. No pressure to check in. No burden to save my community from falling into the snare of corruption. I can try to just let that go now. I will have so much more free time! Home. Family. Church. Homeschool. My little group of awesome AAI families. My little family of folks in Ghana, and the few orphans and vulnerable we are able to assist. Things feel lighter already.
I guess you'll really have to love me (or like me a lot) to take the time to comment on posts in the near future. You'll have to use the archaic form of communication called email. I know! GASP!! But really--it works! Just shoot me a few words over at email@example.com anytime.
P.S. This whole staying out of the community experiment? Well, I'm not promising how long that will last. I'm pretty sure I'll be in withdrawal before the weekend is up. Cause I really do care.