Sunday, November 28, 2010

Still here

Hi Friends,

I'm home after a lovely Thanksgiving weekend spent with my parents. It was a good time to get away and solely focus on family.

I wrote my last message very late at night while I was in a very emotional place. I realize when reading it now that I wasn't very clear. The message came across as sort of cryptic and that wasn't my intent.

To the folks on the AdoptingFromGhana Yahoo Group, I didn't unsubscribe because of anything that happened there. I have always enjoyed that list!

To the folks that I was FaceBook friends with, I wrote a FB message letting people know that I was going to greatly reduce the number of "friends" on my page--NOT because I am actually "de-friending" you in real life, but because I want that account to be more private for now. I hope that when things are in a better place you'll allow me to "friend" you once again!

What caused me to withdraw so much? I don't want people to imagine some huge behind-the-scenes ordeal. It wasn't that. I was really hurt when someone suggested that (1) people were feeling as if they couldn't publicly share their good adoption news for fear that I would say their adoption must have been corrupt and (2) my anti-corruption talk isn't really providing any education but rather inciting fear within the community.

If you know me--if you REALLY know me--you know that those suggestions hit me where it hurts. I speak about corruption because I want people to be aware of the possibilities. I don't want anybody to walk forward in ignorance and then later regret their action or inaction (like we did with our first adoption). I don't at all assume every adoption includes corruption--even fast adoptions! Hello? Kendi's adoption was 5 months from referral to homecoming! I don't ever EVER want to come across as "holier than thou."

Anyway, that's what happened. No huge deal in the scheme of things. Just a very tender heart right now. Don't we all draw in very close to those most important in life (family and close friends) when we are feeling hurt? I do. And honestly, it seems like a great time to spend less time online and more time with the kiddos--Christmas and all. =-)

I did say two things I want to retract. I said something about not "needing" to be the one that families call when they are having problems with their adoptions. That's true--I don't NEED to be. But I'm afraid that comment could make some feel as if I somehow resent it when people who are having problems call me. That is NOT the case. In fact, it makes me feel useful to be able to help in any way. So please, do not hesitate to contact me if you think I might be able to offer you support or assistance.

The second thing I regret saying is that comments are off. I knew I made the wrong decision on that one when I checked the blog this weekend to see if any comments had come in on the I'M TURNING COMMENTS OFF blog post! LOL! So, comments are going to go back on. I think I will "approve" them for a while though, because I really don't want the blog turning into a debate for a while. Need time for the 'ol heart to heal, and for a while, I want to be able to speak freely without thinking about how I will defend every thought in a debate.

Finally, thanks to those of you who have sent such kind emails over the weekend. I will work to respond individually throughout the week. I truly appreciate you. It is lovely to feel loved.

4 comments:

Cindy 7:28 PM  

: )
I am glad you speak up. In my eyes at least it is exactly what I need. So I thank you for that and for turning your comments back on. Hope it works out beautifully for you.

Amy 9:31 PM  

Love ya girl. Sometimes a little space is healthy to take for yourself, especially when you feel socked in the gut. Sending you a big hug!

Fabu

Jess & Darrell 10:06 PM  

I love reading your blog... and I love that you update so regularly I can't keep up! I love your heart for adoption and your honesty. I personally just like to read your posts, I don't usually read the comments! I have always had my comments on a 'I read first' and it's a good idea. There are a few that have never made the cut. Not that you don't like the person, you just don't want the comments to 'go there'.

C and G 10:55 PM  

it's hard to be misunderstood . . . just want you to know that I enjoy reading your blog and I appreciate your unique perspective.