Better Than

Go check out my friend Chantelle's post titled "Better Than."

I often wonder if people think I am a blogger that only posts about the good/easy stuff. I hope not! I think I do definitely tend to post about all of the good stuff in my life, but I also try to post about the hard stuff. Hmm....maybe I post about hard emotional stuff more than just "real life" every day stuff. So, these tidbits are for Chantelle....

**I take Ambien every night because I have severe insomnia. We have what we call "Ambien Moments" around here--funny stories of when mommy does weird things on Ambien. The other night I shopped online at Old Navy after the ambien had kicked in and ended up buying $100 work of clothing, none of which is "me." I didn't remember shopping until the shipping notice came and then had to go and see what I bought! Now I get to figure out how to return an Old Navy order by mail. See below to understand why this is my worst nightmare.

**Kendi spent the day in Bright's tidy whitey underwear because she had no clean panties. To make it worse, she wore pants that were constantly sagging and showing her boy underwear. To make it worse she actually stopped in the middle of a wal-mart aisle tonight and started singing, "Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Lookin' like a fool wit' yo' pants on the ground!" [For those of you who watch American Idol.]

**When we sweep the floors there is no less than 2 trays full of rubbish. After we sweep the floors there is still at least 2 trays full of rubbish still on the floor.

**I can't remember the last time I dusted. Seriously--we have cobwebs on our WALLS.

**Our walls upstairs are absolutely covered in crayola and pencil and even sharpie marks. COVERED. This is mostly because Eric and I have given the upstairs over to the children and are usually too lazy to walk up the stairs.

**Our backyard. You don't even want to know. Let's just say that once I told our neighbor, "The previous owners would die if they ever saw the backyard." to which the neighbor said, "You are right!" [It was an immaculate garden when we moved in. Now half of it is dirt, there are holes everywhere, and rocks line the entire inside of the fence so that the dogs don't dig out. Throw in chewed up toys, jerry-rigged swings, and a few half-eaten pullups and you get the idea.

**I am horrible at mailing things. Do not ever ask me to mail something to you. Something about writing and address and putting a stamp on an envelope is difficult for my brain. For reals...I have kept things for YEARS rather than mailing them off to the intended recipient. I didn't even write thank you notes after my wedding!!! [Yes, I am ashamed.]

**Eric and I are really bad about walking into the house and leaving one kid outside. We are particularly bad about this right after an adoption. The day after Bright came home we were all in the front and then walked inside. Except, we forgot Bright outside. He knocked on the door. The DAY Kendi got home we all went outside to wave goodbye to our guests. Everybody walked inside. A few minutes later Kendi knocked on the door. Welcome home kids!

**I am a screamer. I yell. When I get mad I YELL. Yes, at my kids. I don't want to yell. I try not to yell. But it is my absolute first response to any sort of stress. [Bryan Post would be so ashamed! I must remember that I am really feeling fear, which cases stress. I must take deep breaths and release oxytocin so that I can remain calm!]

**I am way, way, WAY over-sensitive to criticism. Oh, I know you are SHOCKED! NOT! If you know me at all you know how easily offended I am; how personally I take things that are not indended to be personal; how I can hold a grudge. I really try not to be this way. I just FEEL so strongly--too strongly. As I grow older I can sometimes see when I over-react, but not always.

**I am a very bad pet owner. I love my doggies so much, but when they are too "damaged" I get rid of them. My daddy was a "country boy" and no matter how much I love my dogs, I can hear him in the back of my mind saying, "It's only a dog!" This is a constant inner-conflict. I love them and I want them. I want TOO many of them. [I could be a hoarder when I'm old and lonely.] But if the dog has behavioral issues I can't fix (aggression, escape-artist, etc.) I don't stay committed to them for a lifetime like I should.

**I sweat. I sweat a lot. I drip sweat in the middle of winter, just sitting here in my chair. Some of it, I come by naturally. My daddy was a sweater. Some of it has something to do with a medicine I take. Regardless, it's embarrassing and gross!

**I cannot get "'I' after 'e' except before 'c.'" Thank God for spell checker!

Okay, I think that is enough confessions for one night!

Anita