Meloncholy

I'm feeling a bit funky where all things Ghana adoption are concerned. Most of 2011 was pretty good. I was HONORED to assist more than the "usual" amount of families to adopt. I was PRIVILEGED to see more special needs kids come home than in years past. But right now, I'm melancholy.

When things go wrong on the Ghana side of things I can deal. It's somehow easier for me to let go and trust that everything that can be done, is being done. Truly, I work with the BEST people in the country and am so lucky that I can trust them. But when things go wrong (or don't go at all!) at the U.S. Embassy, I feel FRUSTRATED! UUURRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

There are 8 children in my program that should be home RIGHT NOW. They should have celebrated Christ's birth with their families. Instead, they were left in Ghana, wondering if their parents would ever come (back) for them. One of "my" little ones has stopped caring about school because "School will be different in America. I don't need Ghana school!" [Hmm...he's a little bit smart, that one.] Another duo of "my" kids talked to their parents on Christmas Eve and asked WHY they haven't returned. WHY have other children gone to America before them? And there are no good answers.

I really try to be forgiving of the embassy. I know they must work under incredible pressure. I know that almost every email they get must say, "Please pay attention to MY case. MY case is important!" I sort of get that, since I also work everyday with (understandably) emotional adoptive parents. But really? REALLY, you can't answer an email within 3 weeks? REALLY, you can't just take 10 seconds to say, "We haven't finished processing your case." Why do emails have to go completely unanswered? I think that silence must be the worst fate for adoptive parents.

Even beyond the embassy stuff I feel that I haven't been on my best "game" lately. I've not updated documents like I should. I've not caught onto new processes that could have saved my families time and money. I've told people in Ghana that we (AAI) want to work with them for the children, but haven't been able to follow-through with those promises. I feel this very heavy sadness at having let so many people down.

Here's the worst part: Those people I feel like I've let down? Those people actually say KIND things to me! They even thank me! Today on an adoption group several people said such nice things about me and my program. On one hand I say, "Thank you Lord for encouraging me when I need encouragement!" On the other hand, it feels sort of like salt on an open wound--like an abused child that says "I love you" after being abused! GUILT!

Sigh. Hope. Renewal. A fresh start. A re-dedication. That is what I feel for my work in the new year. Oh, that the Lord would USE me for His purpose. Oh, that I would please Him with whatever small thing I can give to serve His children. Oh, that He would forgive me for all of the shortcomings that are sure to show themselves again. Oh, that He would give me fresh HOPE each and every day!