Broken, and Recharged, and Peaceful

Has it really been so long since I posted?  Wow.  I've often read blogs where people say "real life" gets in the way of posting and not understood.  I'm living "real life" and have always had time to express my thoughts--until now.  For some reason, in this season of my life the blog is being left behind.  I don't like it.  I still have things to say, but somehow the days get the best of me.

This is a photo of one of my AAI moms, meeting her son for the first time.  When I saw it, it broke me.  It broke me in the absolute best way possible.  It was one of those days where I was going through the motions, doing what I do because I'm supposed to do it.  And then I saw this.  I saw this mom in her pretty skirt, drop down in the African dust to meet her son at eye-level.  Because in that moment HE was all that mattered.  This little orphaned child was the center of her world, more important than anything else.  And this is as it should be.

 

I remembered a time almost 12 years earlier when  we were going through our first adoption, and our little Taevy was the center of my world, and she was more important than anything else.  I remember trying to move mountains to get her home.  That feeling.  That incredible feeling of holding her for the first time.

How could I just go through the motions in my work for even a single day?  I play a role in what is truly the MIRACLE of adoption.  The Lord knits hearts together each and every time a family is formed through adoption.  I remember sitting on the bed, holding Taevy for the first time, and feeling a literal pain in my heart.  A silly thought about my heart growing two sizes larger that day came to mind. =-)  For me, it was instant.  [I know that isn't always the case.]

 

There is lots of STUFF going on in my life now.  STUFF that I can't get into, but that needs prayer.  That photo above reaffirmed to me that regardless of the STUFF, the love I have for the children and families I work for is still there.  That photo recharged me, and helped to clarify some things for me.

 

I very often tell my friends, or confused adoptive families, to walk in the direction they feel the most peace.  I've had to follow my own advice recently.  It's been a while since I've had to make any really difficult decisions.  I forgot how difficult it is!  At the same time, it is in some ways exhilarating to put myself in the Lords hands and say "Here I am Lord.  I will obey what I think you're telling me to do.  Now please hold me up because I don't think I can stay afloat without you."

 

Love,

Anita