Be still. Be still. Be still. Be still.
Please pray this for me. I'm failing at this right now. The urge to DO SOMETHING. To FIGHT for injustice. To SCREAM at wrongs being done. To CRY at betrayal. These are the things that seem so natural.
Gone is the lightness that was in my spirit a little over a week ago. Gone is the excitement. It is being covered by the haze of people I love who are being hurt...people I trusted that I can trust no longer...respect gone...chaos.
Be still. Be still. The Lord will fight for you;
you need only to BE STILL.
I need to take to my shelter. The last few days my mouth has been shooting off bullets left and right. Bullets of defense for those I care about, but it doesn't matter. BE STILL! This is so clearly His command for me right now and I am so clearly outside of His command. Lord forgive me. Friends, please pray for me.
As I was writing this blog post, I kid you not, a friend just sent me these words:
"Rumors hurt. Lies hurt. It makes us want to scream and shout and let the whole world know OUR side of the story. But Christ would have us be quiet, and rest in Him. He will be the judge one day. He will reveal the truth, I believe, in cases like this one, even before the judgement day. The truth will be known.
It's a horrible feeling to be hurt and tired and dodging bullets from people you loved and trusted. But God is there, in the fox hole. He is with you, to comfort and strengthen and shield you. I don't understand why we have to be the strongest when we are so tired, but I know it makes us cry out to Him, and He is near. He binds up our wounds. He heals our broken hearts. He hears us."
Oh Lord, thank you for sending your words through your servants and JUST the right time. Thank you for hearing my heart, knowing my needs, and helping me through this most difficult time.
I know that for me this is going to bring about such good change. I am more confident than EVER before that I have made the right decision in leaving AAI. But it rips me to the core to see these hurting families and to know I had anything to do with it. It's so hard to be still...to be quiet...when another side of me feels that speaking up might help in some way. AAI families, just know that I am with you. WITH. YOU. My God will do my fighting for me.