Now what?

Now what?  I find that I literally don't know what to do with all this time!  My children and I are going through an interesting transition right now.  I'm used to never having much time for anything more than their NEEDS, and they are used to never asking for more than that.  I have created some pretty low-maintenance little people. =-)

 

On Monday I sat down and opened my computer to see what "work" there was to be done.  Less than half an hour later I closed the computer and started to get out of my chair.  All four children stopped what they were doing.  They all asked where I was going, assuming I must either be leaving the house for an appointment, or not feeling well so going upstairs to take a nap.  That's pretty much the only time I closed the computer and got out of the chair at that time of day for the past 5 years!  The craziest part of it was when they asked what I was doing, I didn't have an answer.  "I don't know?"  And I didn't.  Hmmm....  What to do?

 

My mind is starting to open back up to ways I used to spend time that I haven't had the luxury to think (or do) in so long.  I haven't quite transitioned into DOING most of these things yet, but just the fact that they are coming back into my consciousness feels incredible to me.  It's like I'm waking up from some sort of very long exhaustion.

 

Cutting my boys hair (did this for the first time since JULY on Saturday!)

Decorating the house for Autumn

Going on walks with the kids

Playing the piano

Listening to classical music

crocheting

baking bread, cookies

crafts with the kids

Craigslist

Pinterest

Thinking of blog posts--actual words to write!!

Taking pics of the kids "just because"

reading more than my one chapter a night before bed!

taking over chores my kids were doing because I was so busy, like laundry

cleaning out closets/changing clothes for the season

writing grocery lists

 

I realize that none of these things seem out of the ordinary AT ALL, but these are things that I had all but lost due to my work schedule, all the way down to not having the time to create a grocery list.  It feels GOOD to be organized enough to write a list and get exactly what we need.  [Haven't done it yet, but the day is coming, and I already feel great about it.]  It feels great to have my children more in my life again.

 

I won't lie.  Some of this is challenging, even though in my mind it shouldn't be.  It's a shock to my system to go from HAVING to answer several dozen emails a day to having basically no email each day.  Even though I'm assisting 9 families to adopt with the assistance of TRF, it's a quiet time for all of their adoptions.  I admit, I sent an email to myself yesterday just to make sure it was working!  It's hard to go from feeling so very needed every day to feeling that the need is no longer there.  Still, I have no question in my heart I made the right decision to resign.

 

This transition is....weird.  It's more of a challenge than I thought it would be.  I've got almost 6 years of habits to break.  Even if they are habits I WANT to break, they are still habits.  Sitting in my chair with the recliner back, the heaviness and warmth of the laptop on my legs, my finger typing away, my brain being used in a certain way--this is what feels known and comfortable to me now, even if it's no longer healthy for me and my family. 

 

The Lord is going to teach us a NEW normal!  And yes, that will still include some oh so comfortable computer/adoption/advocacy time, no doubt!  But you see my list above!  There is that and so much more available to my life now!  I'm so thankful that I was able to make this change!!

 

Love,

Anita