Disheartened and Tired

Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. — Proverbs 10:4

 

This has been a long and tiring week.  I feel pretty disheartened, actually.

 

I've already written about our experience earlier in the week, and Taevy's diagnosis of "complex migraines."  That was a trial in and over itself, but also a blessing to feel the love and prayers of our friends and family across the world.

 

The reality is, I don't have a handy husband.  I have a loving, hard working, intelligent husband who is legally blind.  We have lived in our house for going on 7 years, and there are lots of things that have gone unattended while we built our family, dealt with dialysis and kidney transplant, and the reality of my ever-progressing pain disorder.  Little things build up and turn into big things.  Now we are to the point where it feels embarrassing to open our door because of all of the "little things" that are in need of repair.  We are also in a situation where we have a child sharing our bedroom with us because his trauma makes him unable to share a bedroom with his brother.  This obviously isn't a permanent solution.  What to do when he gets older?

 

All of this leads us to the need to renovate/repair to prepare for the possibility of selling our house and moving to one with a better bedroom situation for our kids.  Also, even if we don't move, it will just feel good to have things done, ya know?  With a big gulp, we have taken some money out of retirement to accomplish the things that need to be done.  It is a very finite amount of money.  We need to make the most of it.  This is our chance.

 

First order of business, aerating and seeding our poor neglected yard.  We are not gardeners and over the years our once-lush lawn has become a barren landscape of dirt and rocks.  Next order of business, the back yard.  We have these raised flowerbeds built with railroad tyes that once held a lush flower garden.  Now it is a haven for giant weeds.  We want those things gone so we can have a simple lawn.  Next, secure the yard so our dog will not be able to dig out.  For this, we are digging a small trench and burying wire mesh.  Next, deal with the cherry tree that is, for whatever reason, only budding on one third of the tree.  Is it a gonner?  Finally, repair our broken outside faucet so that we can actually water the lawn!  Even if all of this were done, that would only be the stuff on the outside of the house.  The inside has a much longer list!

 

This is really a boring post.  Sorry.  Need to vent.  Long story short, we hired an untrustworthy "handyman" to remove the railroad ties, build a gate to keep our dogs in a certain area, and remove all of the various pavers that were hanging around.  In the end, he stole $300 from us, and left us with a job about 40% complete.  Ugh.  I have shed so many frustrated tears!  Of course, this is a guy who professes to be a Christian--even has a website built around his Christian faith.  We are generally trusting people and in this instance it really bit us in the butt.  A very hard lesson.  An now some of our finite money is gone forever.

 

Back to my lovely but un-handy husband....  He decided he would take on the dog barrier.  We bought a staple gun and the mesh and the right shovel.  He spent almost 12 hours today working on "his" project, and isn't even 20% finished.  We disagreed on how to do it.  Words were said.  Frustration set in.  Blech. 

 

I just feel defeated.  There is all this stuff to do, and Eric and I can't do it.  We need help.  We need trustworthy help.  And I don't know where to find it.  We don't even really have experience managing people that would do repairs.  He's blind and I'm weak and in pain.  It's a horrible combination.  We finally have a bit of money to do this stuff, and I don't even feel capable of getting it done!

 

It's a silly thing to ask prayers for, but OUR prayer is that the Lord would put trustworthy people in our path so that we can complete the work that needs to be done; that He would give us the skills we need to manage the people effectively, and without being taken advantage of.  And that we can complete all of these things without tearing down each other!

 

Love,

Anita