The Visit

Note: Those of you who know me well know that I struggle with insomnia in a major way and my doc perscribed me a sleeping pill to take every night. What's funny is that I always seem to blog AFTER I've taken the pill and then when I wake up in the morning I see all of the typos I made! When I use spell check with this blog it messes up the formatting in a major way so I guess just try to read past the typos and get the gist of what I'm saying. Is that how "gist" is spelled? ;-)

Okay, the thought of "the visit" with Kendi and Caynan is beginning to drive me mad! Since there is no way to know what the visit will include I feel like I can't allow myself to get excited--and I LOVE to allow myself to get excited! But what if I allow myself to assume that I'll get lots of time and freedom with the kids only to actually be given a look from a distance, or 5 minutes of akward silence with them? That would be so disappointing! And yet, if I knew right now that I would only be given 5 minutes with them I would not focus on not getting the "ideal" visit with them, but would plan how I could make the most of that 5 minutes.

So many unanswered questions are going through my brain! Are they at the same orphanage? If they are, will I meet them together or seperately? If I meet them together how do I focus on getting to know them individually? Will they give me the time of day? Will I be allowed to take photos and video? Will I be allowed to leave them with the gifts I'm bringing for them? Will someone be there that can translate/interpret for us? Will they give me the time of day? Will they be bigger (or smaller) than I had imagined? Will I get to measure them (that will feel akward but I want to know how big they are!)? Will they give me the time of day? ;-)

And then "after the visit" questions come to mind. If we visit them at the beginning of the trip (which I anticipate for some reason) I wonder how my heart will feel the rest of the week knowing that I am so close to them but can't be with them. I wonder if I will feel pumped up by our visit together or if sadness will wash over me at the thought of leaving them? I wonder if our visit will just confuse the children more, or if I will actually be able to get across to them what is going to happen in their lives in just a few short months (Lord willing)?

As I think about the trip I TRY not to make it all about "the visit" because I know that "the visit" is just a tiny part of the itenerary. And yet, the visit is a huge part of what this trip is about for me personally. I guess I'll stop hypothesizing now. In less than two weeks I'll find out these answers for myself!

Anita