I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post. This is just one of those times that I need to write and see what develops.
I unintentionally hurt someone last night--someone I care about and someone I've prayed for over several months. I don't know her in "real" life but we have something pretty major in common and I had hoped that we would have a long-lasting connection because of that. I just found out tonight that I hurt this person and I've been a ball of nerves and emotions since then. It feels a little bit like being accused of breaking a rule as a child, and receiving punishment for your transgression, when you really, truly didn't mean to or even know that you were breaking a rule to begin with.
This hurt came about because of the "smallness" of the adoption world. So many people are on so many lists, and know this person through that person. I'm sure there are people who know my name that I don't know, and people whom I feel like I "know" that don't know my name! It's just the weird e-world we live in. And yet, attached to all of these megabytes and internet servers and blogs are real people with real emotions and real lives that can be affected by what we say.
Since we started our adoption process almost a year ago I can think off hand of three times when I have caused hurt, without intending to, to somebody else. The first time I posted in defense of the Liberian organization we were going to use to adopt--but the organization took my message wrong and was very hurt by it--to the point that they almost decided they would no longer work with us. And I was trying to DEFEND them at the time. The second time was when my adoption emotions were completely out of whack in October and I boiled over with Lois. Wow--what a week that was. I was hurt. She was hurt. I didn't know if we would ever get over it. But now, several months later everything is once again fine between us (at least on my end). And finally, last night I hurt another adoptive family. It was completely unintentional, but I hurt them.
To that family, please accept my most humble apologies for my part in your pain. I would never want that for you. My prayers are with you.