Africa

I started dreaming about Africa about 4 years ago. Actually I could only assume it was Africa at the time, as I hadn't studied up on the continent and it's culutres yet. I had vivid dreams about two VERY dark skinned little boys. I knew they were my sons. I knew then that we had children in Africa.

Looking back on it now I find it amazing that my dreams were in West Africa. The landscape...the hospitality of the people....the dress...the food...I saw it all correctly in my minds eye before I ever set foot on the continent or researched the various parts of Africa on the internet.

For two years I dreamed about this dark country--West Africa. I don't mean "dark" in a literal sense, but my dreams were often very dark in content. Saving children from animals who wanted to eat them. Finding children that were all alone. Big people doing horrible things to little people, and somehow I was always pushed into the position of being the only one who could/would step up and try to protect the children. For two years I had dreams like this and told my husband we DID have children in Africa. For two years he very strongly told me he didn't want any more children.

Finally in Feburary 2006 the Lord spoke to Eric's heart. He agreed that we should pursue the adoption of two children from West Africa. At first we focused on Liberia but that wasn't meant to be. Then we focused on two kids from Ghana, but it became evident that if we got one child out, there would be no second at the same time. So for a short stint we planned to adopt our second African child from Ethiopia. My heart is in Ghana. It has been for over 2 years. We couldn't follow through with plans for Ethiopia and our one amazing son finally came home from Ghana.

But Africa...it still visits me almost every night in my sleep. I feel know that my two "sons" from Ghana are not necessarily going to join my personal family. Bright is our son. Our other son is out there, a symbol of all of Ghana's 1,000,000 orphans. My "children" are not my children. They are the children of others yet to come. The children that I must advocate for so that they can go to other families. Oh how I love these children in my dreams. I love them with a feirceness that would seem way overboard in a world outside of my minds' eye.

My Africa dreams bring me sadness each morning when I wake up. For I never accomplish all that I have set out to do in my dreams. There is always one child that I wasn't able to carry away from danger. There's always one left behind because of my inadequacy. The focus of the dreams are not about the children I "saved" but about the one that is left behind. What a deep, dark hurt that is.

So tonight I will go to sleep and visit the place that I hold in my heart. Mother Ghana. And I will try to serve her well. And I will succeed in some ways. And I will fail in other ways. But I will be comforted by the bright colors around me, the smells and the foods, the sea breeze, and the smiles of Ghanaian friends waiting to encourage me after my defeat.

Anita