Monday, November 05, 2007

Dream Visitors?

Do any of you have recurring dreams of those who have died? My dad died when I was 18 years old--a week before I left for college--and I frequently dream about him. Or rather, it frequently feels that he visits me in my dreams.

I have a hard time reconciling my feelings that he visits me with my traditional Christian views. I haven't ever studied the bible to see what it says about those that have already died visiting us in our dreams. Maybe it is God the father speaking to me through the comfortable "vision" of my earthly father? Or maybe God really does allow those in heaven to visit us?

But the other side of me thinks that once we're in heaven the last thing we'll be thinking about is our family left on earth. I mean--really! I've got THE GOD to worship for eternity and I'm going to be thinking about my daughter on earth? Part of me thinks we'll have better things to do when we're in heaven than look down on pitiful, sad earth. After all, how could someone in heaven look at earth and NOT feel sad. But the bible says there is no sadness in heaven right? So it all contradicts. Or rather, my current understanding of it all contradicts!

I believe that the Lord speaks to us all in different ways. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that one of the ways He chooses to speak to me is through dreams. It's really pretty neat to have a dream about someone you barely know, pass on the details of the dream to that person, and then find out later that the dream predicted very specific occurrences in that person's life (like the day an adoption would be complete after many months of waiting). It's humbling to be used by the Lord in that way. I've had a hand-full of dreams like that. Usually, my "special" dreams are obviously the Lord speaking to me about my own life, rather than someone else's. It's obvious when they are "special" dreams. They linger...like a strong scent.

Right now I have a cold (as does Bright). We both laid down for a long nap today. During my nap I had what I call a "daddy dream." Sometimes (lots of times) my daddy dreams are obviously my dad's (either heavenly or earthly) attempt to comfort me. You know what I'm talking about...the whole dream might be me curling up into my daddy's lap for a comforting cuddle just like I would have when I was seven years old. Not so in today's dream.

Today's dream was hard. My dad was alive but ill (he died of a chronic lung disease). He wasn't ill with what really killed him, but rather with what Eric is ill with. I scooted up next to him to cuddle but he had to push me away because it hurt his dialysis catheter when I cuddled in close. In my dream he had diabetes and at one point I had to scurry into a grocery store to get some food for him because his blood sugar had gone low. The whole dream I was trying to "save" my dad, but it was like climbing an uphill battle. As soon as I got one thing fixed another thing started falling apart.

Interestingly, Eric was also in the dream, as my ever-helpful husband. At one point my dad's car had a flat tire and Eric and I were trying to put our heads together to change it for my dad (using Eric's muscles, and my eyes, since Eric is legally blind).

My kids were also in the dream (minus Bright). Just like they do with Eric there were lots of "Why is Grandpa doing X?" questions. "Why is Grandpa acting funny?" "Why can't we hug Grandpa tight?"

Obviously this dream was outing my concerns that Eric will "leave" me just like my daddy did. I knew that my dad didn't really have the power to promise me he wouldn't die, but that didn't stop me from believing him, even at 18 years old. And it didn't stop me from feeling abandoned and betrayed when he didn't keep his promise and died.

The overall feeling of the dream was STRUGGLE. Struggle to keep things okay with my loved one. STRUGGLE to keep things okay with my kids. Struggle to keep myself together while trying to keep everybody else's needs met. The dream wasn't an encouraging one.

It was probably "just" your typical dream spelling out inner turmoil. I sure hope it wasn't one of "those" dreams where God is trying to tell me something. The "something" He would be trying to tell me wouldn't be something I want to hear. I need Eric to be the strong one for a little while longer Lord. I need him here with me, fighting the good fight. Alive.

Anita

4 comments:

~Rachel~ 5:20 PM  

I don't know anything about dreams, but what I thought while reading about yours was that you were kind of experiencing the struggles your kids are having about Eric. You've talked about how he can't hold them like he used to and how you have struggled to explain to your kids what is happening. Maybe you have kind of taken on some of the feelings and confusion that Tavey and Samren have (Bright is probably too young) and were expressing those in the dream? Just a thought.

Jim & Laurel 11:21 AM  

Anita,

Thank you for sharing your heart. Dreams and visions can be used by God in many ways, as you have already said. We will pray that the Lord will use this dream as a way for you to better understand the feelings and needs of your children.

blessings,

Laurel

Too Blessed to be Stressed 2:52 PM  

I'm not a dream person either but Rachel sounds like she is maybe onto something!

Completely changing the topic I wanted to let you know (cause your not with praisemoms) that Nidhi is "oh hold" for us!!!!

I will b praying for you it HAS to be a tough situation to be in.
Jennifer

Anita and Family 6:21 PM  

Rachel,

I hadn't even thought about my dream symbolizing the struggles my kids are having with their dad. Interesting thought! I also miss being able to cuddle up close to Eric without having to worry about hurting him because of the dialysis catheter.

I think my dad in the dream definitely represents Eric. And that Eric in the dream represents Eric. Eric is so strong on the inside--so brave and resilient. He's struggling with me and the kids to keep his sick body as healthy as possible.

Anyway, glad that dream is over and I hope my next "daddy" dream is a good one!

Anita