Do over?

Today was my 34th birthday. Honestly, I could care less. I didn't remember it was my birthday first thing this morning, but my sweet children woke me up with handmade gifts and cards and birthday wishes. They are sort of awesome that way. =-)

Then the day took a decidedly downward turn because we had to be by the hospital by 7:15 for Eric's labs. It's just that we're sort of tired from driving for 10 hours yesterday. We're sort of SICK of having all of us confined in a small space--be it a car or a waiting room. After the lab we headed to the nephrologist for Eric's appointment. After that we headed to yet another doctor (the surgeon this time) to get Eric's staples out. By the time his staples were out me and the 4 kids had been in confined spaces with nothing to do for 4 hours. Basically, we were driving each other C.R.A.Z.Y!!!

By now it's noon and I think this should be a good time to stop by the social security office. Really? In what planet is it a good idea to go to the SSA with 5 other people when it is standing room only AFTER you've already spent 4 too many hours that day in confined spaces? After a few minutes I called that one quits. The mommy will go back BY MYSELF for that one. Urgh.

Back home. Back to my nice comfy birthday. The crew really planned a nice day for me. They excused me for a nice long luxurious nap and reading time--however long I wanted. While I slept they had big plans to fold the laundry, do the dishes, and make a special desert for me. How sweet is that?

It wasn't meant to be though. I was too tired to read, but couldn't fall asleep. Believe me, I tried! I snuggled under my blankets demanding to my brain that it just shut up already and let me sleep! But no. So after an hour I was back up. It's the thought that counts, right?

Before long we got a phone call from Arkansas telling us about Kendi's elevated liver enzymes. Eric and I started googling about what all these results could mean. The internet is your best and worst friend when it comes to medical research. Reading things like "lymphoma," "leukemia," "Hep B or C," and "organ damage" just isn't good. Maybe it's just fatigue from all the doctor's appointments. Who knows. But Eric did NOT handle that news well. He had a mini-meltdown. Mostly, I think he's just scared for his baby. He said he feels discouraged because it was like we were FINALLY on the upswing. Kendi starting meds; him getting his transplant. It was like we were starting the rest of our lives. He had his little melt down because he just doesn't WANT us to have to absorb another disease into the family. He doesn't WANT his baby to have to survive another disease. I don't react the same way to this stuff. I know we'll make it through whatever we have to do to fight whatever might be attacking. But I hurt for my baby. It just breaks my heart to even consider those scary words in quotes above.

We pulled ourselves away from internet searches and headed to Target to pick up Kendi's meds and whatever "good stuff" we could think of to mix the crushed pills with. The winners were sprite, chocolate pudding, and chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

Home to a huge splurge for dinner (calorie-wise). Biscuits and bacon gravy. YUM. Followed by warm apple crisp and vanilla ice cream for desert. Double yum. The dinner part of the day was a nice time with the fam. Things were looking up.

Then 7:30 rolls around and alarms start going off. Eric and Kendi need to take their meds. It was Kendi's first dose. We went with the chocolate pudding and a sprite chaser. In the crushed pills went. I mixed them with about 1/4 of the pudding cup. I gave her a bit of the unmixed pudding first. Yummy, she says. Then a bit with the meds mixed in. You shoud have seen her face! Poor baby. She got it down and then chased it with a big drink of sprite. Second bite? Nope. No thanks mom. But I convinced her for bites 2 and 3. By #4 she was gagging. I just kept telling her if she took a bite she could have more sprite. She suffered through it and got it all down. The sprite saved her. I just stuck my tongue on the medicine-pudding to see what it tasted like. GROSS. I mean, it was so bitter. I don't know how she kept down whole bites of the stuff. I just hate that she has to do this. It will be better once she can swallow pills. Not sure what the plan will be for tomorrow morning, but the chocolate pudding didn't come close to hiding the taste. Giving the medicine? Another downer to the day.

Then the final straw. Bright poops his pants AGAIN. I've typed on the blog before about his poop issues. They are once every 7-10 days and they are humongous. I think he holds it in because he feels out of control when it comes out. I started giving him Miralax a few days ago, in hopes that if he has to go more often he will get used to it and have less anxiety. I just KNEW he had to "go" during dinner. I kept asking him. Nope. He said he didn't have to go. Eventually he snuck away into the hallway and pooped FOUR FEET AWAY from the toilet! URGH! I know this sounds like a minor deal, but it's a real frustration for us. It's a big cleanup every time he does it because we make him take responsibility for the clean up. He has to empty his pants. He has to scrub his underwear. He has to take a shower to scrub himself off. Except that all of that responsibility we give him really makes more work for us! So 30 minute later Bright is cleaned up and goes to bed.

I check my emails, and am so disheartened that I didn't get a single email inquiry about Sampson today. I thought for sure families would be lining up. One person called for a friend who might be interested in him. I hope that works out. I just hurt for this little guy. And in general I hurt for all the kids waiting because of HIV. I always try to at least get a mention in for HIV adoption whenever a prospective adoptive family calls. Usually families are gracious. The other day someone told me, "That's nice that you 'saved' your daughter, but we would actually be trying to avoid 'something like THAT.'" It's hard not to feel personally defensive with statements like that, even though I "get" that some families aren't meant to adopt HIV+ children.

So over all, even though my sweet family did very kind things for me and tried to make this a great day, I would like a "do over" for birthday #34. Or maybe just a SKIP instead. This was mostly a discouraging day that I would rather forget.

If you're still reading, I'm surprised! Here's to a better tomorrow...