Sunday, July 10, 2011

Lost my Mojo--Part 2


I think I portrayed something different in my post yesterday than I intended. The comments surprised me. They were along the same lines, so it is not you that is off--but rather my writing!

First, I don't at all count my kids' sins as my own. Their failures are their failures. Their choices are their choices. [Well, okay, I'm sure all moms take on a bit of guilt if their kids do "bad" things, right?] That doesn't mean I don't grieve over the choices they make. That doesn't mean that I don't want to help them learn how to make better choices in the future. I do, very much. I want to help my children heal from the hurts they have had in life.

Can a person fully implement Post's parenting techniques in their home? I feel the answer is, absolutely! One of the biggest aspects is to be MERCIFUL--not just merciful with your children, but also yourself. Yeah, parents are going to screw up. Yeah, parents are going to respond in stress/fear rather than love sometimes. My kids know that. I know that. It's sort of like being on a diet. You don't stop the whole diet because you overeat one day. You go on with your plan, doing the best you can each day. I am not in crisis mode, freaking out because we haven't gotten it together since I got home. It's just a goal to get back where we were, and I'm finding that difficult.

Is it easy to implement these strategies in our home where we have a solid and working system? Heck no! On my word, it's hard. It's a whole paradigm shift. That phrase--paradigm shift--is way overused. This, for me, is truly that. This is reversing 35 years of traditional discipline beliefs--fear-based disciplines. And I come from a family where (with my dad) there was some true emotional and physical abuse. This Post stuff couldn't be farther from the way I was brought up. I'm fine. I am a successful member of society. But I have some fairly significant traumas that would not be there had my parents known (or been able to) parent me with more mercy and grace. Our family wasn't mature enough in these strategies to keep doing it when things were stressful before I left, when I was away, and now that things are crazy at homecoming.

Regulatory parenting is so *not* about setting up an ideal setting in my home where my kids won't be able to deal in the real world. What good would that do? My goal is to help my kids (hopefully) HEAL from their trauma. If not, second-best is to teach them to deal well with stress when they experience it. Right now, that means I'm helping them. They are just babies, doing this less than 3 months! In 10-20 years, the goal is for my kids to be able to handle the stress of the real world without exploding into destructive behaviors (abuse, crime, divorce, rage, inability to stay in relationships). When my kid is yelled at by his boss, I want him to be able to RESPOND instead of REACT.

In my post last night I reached out and asked for prayer because I am an imperfect person who is struggling right now. I'm not depressed. I (truly!) don't feel defeated. I don't feel like a failure as a person. But I am not currently succeeding at what the Lord would have me do in my daily life. I just know that leaning on myself--my own ability--is not enough. It's interesting that our preacher taught this morning that "self-reliance + self-absorption = self-destruction." I have no interest in pretending I never have need for help. Right now, I need those who would take the time, to pray for me and my family. Prayer is a real and POWERFUL thing for me. When I ask for prayer, I am not asking in a light way. I'm asking you to ask our GOD to intervene in my family and to lift us up so that we can get over this hump.

Finally, R, I want to thank you for the suggestion to pray more OVER my children. Lord knows I pray FOR them all the time, and we pray together allowed very often, but I haven't prayed much with them, for them to overcome their struggles. I can see how that would feel very empowering. It's empowering to me, so I'm sure it also would be to them!




Mama D.'s Dozen 10:24 PM  

So appreciate your transparency!

Praying for your family ... and I really mean that ... calling out to Our Lord for wisdom, healing, strength to get back on track.

Laurel :)