I am not a country music fan (anymore) but I think you'd have to live under a rock not to have heard that song "Jesus take the Wheel." The song comes to mind the last few days. Sorry about my one-liner scary post last night. I was just at the end of my rope. For lots of reasons I have been living, eating, breathing Ghana for the past two weeks (not all bad, but lots bad) and I had just had it. I miss free time. I miss lunch (instead of granola bars). I miss reading. I miss something as mundane as TV. I miss 8 hours of sleep. I miss reading blogs. I miss stupid Facebook. I miss LifeGroup. But most of all, I really miss my family. Like REALLY miss them. They are all around me fluttering by, but I am sitting here in this dang chair working constantly. It was 2 weeks until I left for Ghana, then 1 week, now 5/6 days, and I'm fixing to be gone for 15 days. It will feel like I have been without them for a month by the time I get home!
I can hear you mom. "Well Anita, just stop! Just stop working!" That's easier said that done. There are times when I over-work that I shouldn't, yes. But there are times when I can't not work. I don't work, and somebody gets hurt, or somebody doesn't go home, or somebody gets stuck at the airport. I know it doesn't sound like end of the world, but it feels like end of the world to that somebody. And I could have been that somebody at various points in my life. So don't tell me not to work when these people are counting on me. At the same time, MAN am I sick of it right about now! [Forgive me, didn't know it was going to be a vent post, but it's turning out that way.] I MISS MY FAMILY. I'm going to leave and they haven't really HAD me the past two weeks already. My poor babies. I sure would be jealous of Ghana if I were them.
I'm sure you can tell by the above two paragraphs, it's been a rough week. [She rolls her eyes because that's the understatement of the year.] There have been about another 2 dozen confirmations that I need to be in Ghana right now. There is way more to do than time to do it. I have no idea what God wants to do with me while I'm there. There's some fun stuff tentatively scheduled, and for this I am truly thankful. There is some not fun stuff scheduled, and for this I am also thankful (that I can be there to take care of the not fun stuff). There are a few "down" days where we will wait and see what the Lord has planned.
Back to the top. Jesus take the Wheel. This is where I'm at. Maybe this is where He wants me to be? Maybe this is His whole point? From this point forward I basically consider it my duty to get myself on that plane and to make myself available for whatever He has planned for me for the next 12 days thereafter. Do not take that as me saying I've given up and I won't be doing anything, or that I won't be coming up with an agenda. No, I will. But really, I want to be open to His leading. If I was "scheduled" to be at point A but it becomes apparent that point B is where I'm supposed to be only 2 hours before I'm supposed to go to point A, I will be heading to point B. I've got about 30 days worth of things I could do and only 12 days. So this is how it will be. If nothing else, He's made it clear in the last week that at any time He can throw curve ball after curve ball after curve ball my direction until I can't dodge them anymore. I give. Jesus, just take the wheel. I feel safer that way anyway.
P.S. Try as I might, I still feel excitement in my heart about leaving in a few days. I just wish my sweet family was coming with me. I have a fun new hotel to stay at. I hope to be more upbeat the rest of the week. Sorry to be Debbie Downer.