Gender Identity

I hope I'm not opening up a huge can of worms here, but I'm going to explore my thoughts on gender identity on the blog today.

Right now I've got a very girly girl and a very boyish boy--Taevy and Samren. I've also got a boy that often-times really gets in to girly things. Bright. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not freaking out or anything. And I am of the belief that it is COMPLETELY normal for children to go through phases of playing around with things that are typically associated with the opposite gender. Samren had a pair of Taevy's play high heel shoes when he was little that he didn't take off for six months! ;-) And just this year for Christmas Taevy asked for play guns and some (more) cars (because "Samren has all the good ones!). But with Taevy and Samren they've always also been into things typical of their own gender.

Bright has been into "girly" things since I've known him. He just is. It's just him at this point in his life. He's been caught putting on my makeup tons of times. His favorite shoes are anything of his sister's. If you take him to an aisle of shoes he will go the pinkest sparkliest shoes on the aisle every time. He once threw a fit at Pay Less because he snuck a pair of pink sequin shoes on and I wouldn't let him get them! LOL! His favorite color has always been pink, just like Samren's has always been green. Always. If you give him a package of crayons he will pull pink out first every time. He wants to play with dolls and strollers rather than cars and GI Joes. He wants to push his hip out and his head to the side for a pic, rather than flexing his muscles like a football player.

Do I worry about all of this? Do I worry that he is gay or transgendered? Not really. No. But it is enough of a difference in him that Eric and I have talked about the "what ifs." Interestingly enough, today Dr. Phil was about how parents might want to respond to having a child who is gender confused. There were a few families on there that allowed (and maybe even encouraged) their sons to "be a girl" if that's what he felt inside. And then there was a Focus on the Family guy who said parents needed to buck it up and tell their kids they would NOT be allowed to act out what they felt on the inside.

It's no secret that I'm a fairly conservative gal, but I found myself identifying with these moms. These moms just wanted their sons to feel HAPPY, and "acting like a girl" is what gave them happiness. I kind of get that. We got Bright some cars this year for Christmas. But you know what? He also got a new doll and doll stroller. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE LIKES. For his birthday, he had a flower cake, because he loves flowers! It seems silly--when you have a child that isn't into typical gender toys--to buy things for him that he won't like just to make yourself feel better.

There is no denying that there are a few members of our family that are seriously concerned about Bright's "girliness." I think it's WAY too early to make any determinations about gender identity or sexuality based on his current likes and play habits. People are just understandably concerned for what they haven't had experience with.

I'm not going to allow Bright to start dressing as a girl each day. Neither am I going to deny him the type of play that makes him happy. In the end, what we do now (either way) isn't going to matter a hill of beans when he is an adult! He is going to be what he is going to be. And I'm not going to force any child in our home to deny whatever it is that they feel inside. What I know for sure is that he will always be my child, he will always be welcome in our home with his family, and we will always love him.

Anita
P.S. 20 years from now when Bright is as "manly" as a man can get I will probably look back at this post and laugh that I ever even slightly thought about this!