The Scoop on Alexis...

Well, it doesn't look as though we are going to be chosen for Alexis. I'm kind of down about that, but am at peace with it too. The lady at Spence-Chapin said she really liked our family and wants to keep us in mind for future children, but the birth mother of Alexis has requested Alexis' new family is a New York (or at least East Coast) family that has first hand experience with Neurofibromatosis. That is a pretty tall order, but I hope that they are able to find her a family very, very soon. The birth mom wants an open adoption (including visits) which is why the location is important.

Alexis was not meant to be for us, but I hope to post within a day or so about another path I hope we are able to take. Just have to get Eric on board with the financies! =-)

Love,

Anita

Possibilities

This is baby Alexis. She was born in August and is waiting to be placed with an adoptive family by Spence-Chapin in New York. Isn't she just the cutest pudgiest thing?

Alexis is a special needs baby. She has been diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Neurofibromatosis I (NF1). NF1 is caused by a shortage of a certain protein. Non-cancerous tumors can form anywhere on the body--from only 1 single tumor, to thousands. You never know how the disease might progress in a single person. The first sign of the disease is normally the presence of several Cafe-au-Lait spots (those off color birthmarks that lots of us have).

Why am I writing about this baby girl? Because Eric and I have "put our hat into the ring" to adopt her. There are probably dozens of other families who have applied to be considered for her and the liklihood of us being chosen is very small. But it's one of those things where IF we are chosen for her then she most definitely must be a child we are supposed to parent. There are so many ways for God to slam this door shut (or rather never open it) if we aren't meant to be her family.

We've known about Alexis since last week and sent in our information for her on Friday. I wasn't going to say anything because the chances are so small that we will be chosen. But today when I spoke to the agency it seemed like they may actually be considering us (of course I could be imaginging things). That little phone call with the agency caused me to blab my mouth to my mom. She's my best friend and I always want her to share in any little excitement I have.

Problem is...my mom is anything but excited about us adding a special needs child to our house. She almost seemed angry with me. She thinks that we are crazy to consider a child with NF1 with all of the other things going on (Eric's low vision and diabetes and eventual kidney transplant; the possibility that Bright won't be special needs free when he comes home, etc.). She thinks that I am so desperate for a baby that I will "take anything." She's scared to death that I'm going to get in over my head.

What she doesn't get is that I don't go into ANYTHING blindly! I am NOT desperate for a child. I have looked at the worst-case scenarios (and they are scary) and still feel like I could help this baby girl meet her fullest potential. Attachement stuff...autism spectrum stuff...THAT is scary to me. But g-tubes and surgeries and chronic pain and looking different don't scare me. We've already been there, done that with Samren and I know I could do it again.

My mom's question is why would I want to do it again? I don't know the answer to that except to say that to me this baby girl with NF1 is just as "desirable" as a perfectly healthy baby girl. We can't live our lives being scared that Eric is going to die early. We just can't. And we can't choose our children based solely on what special needs they may or may not have. The chances were nearly 100% that Taevy (who came home at 6 months old) would have no attachment issues--but she did. The chances were 99.99999999999% chance that Samren would come home free of Autoimmune Enteropathy--but he didn't. The chances are 60% that Alexis will only have minor issues with her NF1 and 20% that she could have more severe complications--but who is to say which side of the stats she will be on? What I know is that if I were chosen to be her mommy I COULD help her through even the most severe stuff. It would be HARD and FRUSTRATING and TIRING...but I COULD do it and would adore her the whole time.

This whole Alexis thing will probably fade away without nary a word from the agency. But the thing with my mom isn't. I love her so much, and I know that it's her feirce love for me that causes her to be so fearful of us adopting a child with known special needs. Nobody else I know seems to question that Eric and I could be good parents to Alexis. I wish my mom had the same faith in me that others do. It just hurts.

Crisis Pregnancy Outreach

Remember, this is the agency that we brought to our attention several times when we were considering domestic adoption (for that whole one week). The agency director just called me to meet me over the phone. Before I could tell her our good news she went on about how wonderful our family seemed and how we were the "perfect and ideal" family to work with them--"the type of family we pray for."

I'd be lying if I didn't feel a little twinge of "something" (sadness???) when she said that. I was worried that they wouldn't work with us, and didn't know how we would come across on our application and such. Just kind of weird to know that if we would have been called to adopt from them they would have ended up welcoming us with open arms. But to the point of this email...

Remember how I said that I didn't know if we were to adopt from there, but I was sure there was a purpose to us finding out about them? She was so receptive to the idea of me volunteering for them--driving birth mothers to appointments, becoming a "mentor" to them, or even housing a birthmom until her baby was born. It's neat that the Lord used our search for a baby to provide me with a new outlet for ministry.

He's so good in so many more ways that we ever realize....

Anita
P.S. She sounded genuinely happy for us about Caynan Emmanuel and we talked about African adoptions and people she knew who were adopting from there at length. Great woman.

Yes, God. We hear you God. =-)

We are getting to know our wonderful neighbor to the North--Carol. Carol's grandchildren (who happen to be bi-racial) are here visiting for a few weeks. Our kids and Carol's grandkids have been playing together like crazy the last few days! Carol has graciously looked after Taevy and Samren as they played and swam for a total of 4 hours the last two days. We are blessed by Carol!

We bought her a Gerbera Daisy and gave her a thank you note for her kindness tonight. Later she called me to thank me and we talked for a while, just getting to know about her. Come to find out, her grandchildren are adopted (I didn't want to assume)!

Guess where they were born? Tulsa! Guess which agency placed them? Right! CRISIS PREGNANCY CENTER!

Isn't it amazing how we have been in the adoption world for 6 years and have never heard about this low cost amazing agency right here in our own home town, but in the last 2 days the Lord has brought it to our attention (when we weren't even searching for it!) several times?

Wow! Our God is a BIG God! We don't know if our baby boy will come through CPO. But we feel the Lord's affirmation that we were right to send in the application. We also feel confident that there IS a purpose behind us knowing about this agency. It may not be for adoption, but we do feel a purpose.

In His Grip of Grace,
Anita

Crisis Pregnancy Outreach

When Eric got home yesterday I told him everything you just read in the email below (or above?). Especially considering that they only take applications in July and December he said we should go ahead and fill out an application. HUGE for Eric!

So I spent the rest of the night filling out the application and answering questions about our personal life. =-) The application packet went out in today's (Wednesday's) mail!

Some of you might be thinking, "But I thought God told you to WAIT." He did. We feel like He only "okayed" us to do those two things--check into baby Michael at Spence-Chapin and have our homestudy "domesticated." When each of those two things opened more doors we prayed before stepping through.

Now that we've got wide open paths for the Lord to provide us with a baby boy in three different places (as if He needed ANY--He can create the paths, but you know what I mean) we once again feel the need to just WAIT. Watch, even look, but wait.

The Lord is big enough to give us a baby boy from Ghana. He's big enough to make sure we DON'T get a baby boy in the US if our baby boy is in Ghana (and that is our prayer). When He provides a child we won't question whichever path He chooses for us. We'll just praise Him!

The Second Thing--domestic homestudy

Here is an email I sent to friends that explains what happened when we checked into having our homestudy switched to domestic...

So I call our SW to ask her to domesticate (wink) our homestudy--no problem she says. But in the conversation she tells me that if we're thinking domestic we should really check out Crisis Pregnancy Outreach here in Tulsa/Jenks. She has done all of their homestudies for 16 years and if we go through them we may not need to update the homestudy or anything. Tells me to call the office, etc. for more info.
So off I go to call yet another adoption agency--goodness gracious! And our SW is right--if we went through them we wouldn't have to do anything to our homestudy. They place around 30 kids a year and it takes "2 hrs to 2 years" to be matched. Fees are a total of less than $7000 including finalization. Here's the catch--they only take applications twice yearly and guess what's going on now? Right--applications are being accepted until the end of July.

This is a neat agency. It's been running for 21 years and nobody has EVER received a paycheck! It is completely volunteer and all families adopting through them have to donate 100 hours of volunteer time as well. In addition, you have to sign a statement saying that you will never place your child in daycare until they are at least in 1st grade, and can only work outside the home if the other parent (or grandma, etc.) is watching the kids--even then, less than 25 hours a week.

One thing that would be a little weird is the level of openess in their adoptions. The lady said that many of their b-moms want Tulsa Families because they want regular visits (even once monthly!). If you adopt through them you MUST be willing to have the level of openess the birthmother wants--you don't designate.

Guess that's it for now. Lots to think about.
Anita

The First Thing--baby Michael

I mentioned in my last post about the two things I felt the Lord gave us "permission" to check into further. Here's the first...

There is a baby named Michael listed on Spence-Chapin's website as a special needs baby because he was exposed to alcohol in utero. I wasn't going to check into it because we only have an international homestudy, but I must have ran into his information 10 times as I researched our options Monday night. So Tuesday morning I sent in the application stating our interest in him and "cold called" the agency hoping to talk to somebody (because of our homestudy situation).

Within 2 hours I got a call back! I didn't expect that becase SC is a HUGE agency and I guess I always assumed huge means impersonal. The woman told me that Michael was already placed but really wanted to learn more about our family and tell me more about this program.

You all, this program is incredible! For our annual income the fee is only $2000 and finalization would only be $1000 (they work on a sliding scale--our income is above $50 and below $75). The lady asked me to fax our homestudy and said she would keep us in mind for future situations. Cool!

Anita