Travel Journal: 3-10-07 Part 1

De ja vu, but not quite. This time round I'm not motion sick--I'm heart sick. Until today I've always been able to fly out without much emotion. Today it was all I could do to leave my family. Samren was cheerful (doesn't get that I'm gone for a while now), Eric was doubtful (not knowing if I should be doing this), and Taevy was sobbing. I've never had to leave a crying baby behind before. Taevy's never understood before (or remembered) what it would be like without mommy for so long.

It just so happened that my gate was the first gate from the airport exit. Part of me wanted to walk right out of the airport when I saw how easy my escape would be. This is just a defeating situation. I can't take care of all of my babies so I've had to choose one's needs over the others.

I've never had a bad feeling before when I have taken trips. As I sat down in this plane seat I almost had a feeling of dread. Why? Is it satan? Is it God telling me I've made a horrible mistake? And who does the feeling about? Is it about Bright's health, my safety, or my children's emotional needs? I sat down and started praying.

Peace Lord. Strength Lord. Go before me Lord. I can't do this on my own Lord.

I wish I felt excited. I wish I knew if my baby will be waiting for me at the airport or if I'll have a restless night and a long drive before meeting him on Monday. And for the first time all of these scary thoughts pop into my head. What if he hates me? What if it isn't an instant emotional connection for me (it wasn't with Samren but Eric was there to save the day). What if I can't comfort him? Am I good enough to do this?

6:05pm, Memphis-- Same entry gate (B26) and exit gate (B43) as last trip. Even the same flight assistant at check in as last time! She printed all of my boarding passes for the rest of the way to Ghana so I feel pretty relaxed (the transfer desks at Schipol in Amsterdam look crazy).

I'm starting to see more Ghanaian people. It's funny how easy they are to recognize after being in Ghana just once before. I'm feeling more committed at this point. There is no turning back. I've just got to suck it up and hope for the best. I'm ashamed that I feel so scared. I know God will carry me through this. He is good, all of the time. He has never abandoned me and He never will.

The flight to Amsterdam is completely full (actually overbooked) but I'm pretty sure I have an aisle seat. I think I might have a middle seat from Amsterdam to Accra. Yuck.

Flight from Memphis to Amsterdam was uneventful. I sat next to a nice trio who were headed to Nigeria for a wedding. I had an aisle seat (so much better than the last time!). By the time they delivered drinks and dinner service we were over 3 hours into the 9 hour flight. The next 4 hours I tried to sleep. Final few hours went pretty quickly with breakfast and landing preparation. I watched Night at the Museum--better than expected.

After landing at gate E8 I walked and walked to get to my gate (D47). Once at D47 I was greeted with a sign saying the gate had changed...to E24! Good grief! So I walked BACK to E terminal, past E8 and all the way to E24. Once at E24 I was greeted with a DELAYED FLIGHT notice. Lovely. I was supposed to leave at 1:35 but now we don't leave until 3:00. There is no way to notify those in Ghana who will be waiting for me (which makes me feel awful!). If Edward brings Bright he will be a very tired baby. It will be at least 10pm before we have a chance to get to Hands of Mercy (probably more like 11 or midnight).

God has it all under control though. I'm trying not to worry. I'm not allowing myself to cry. It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay.

Back Home

Hi All,

Just a quick word to let everybody know that I couldn't reschedule my flight and left Ghana on Thursday. I'm back home know with hubby and kids (boy did I miss them!) and trying to get caught up on everything. Will try to post more tonight.

Real quick--I know that LVI families are going crazy with news about the passports. I want you to know that even though we don't have them yet (at least not as of Thursday evening) Edward is doing EVERYTHING he can. He sat at the passport office for HOURS almost everyday I was there. He is completely focused on getting the passports and feels horrible that they haven't come yet. It seems to occupy his mind every minute. He knows how much we are all counting on those passports to get our kids home and feels a personal responsibility to make sure that happens. In fact, the night I left Edward had talked to Paul (from Hands of Mercy) who has a friend at the passport office and they were going to try to go at it from that direction and see if things could be sped up. This is truly just one of those things that seems to be outside of everybody's control.

More soon,
Anita (without Bright)

"Mama"

Really quickly on Tuesday, March 27th. Last night was first night at the hotel, first night without Bright. I did okay, oddly enough. But because of a miscommunication I was at the hotel until 2pm today (Paul was waiting for me to come, and I was waiting for him to pick me up!). Missed him today a lot.

Got brave and took a taxi by myself today. Not only that but he didn't know where Fair Junction was and I successfully navigated us there! From there you take a local taxi to the house. I felt all proud! LOL!

When I got "home" to Hands of Mercy Bright immediately started crying and crawling towards me. Ahhhh! =-( AND he said, "Ma Ma!" "Ma Ma!" Can you hear my heart swelling with pride and breaking at the same time? He definitely missed me. They said he wouldn't go to sleep last night because he kept looking for me. I know he'll be okay though.

Hotel is fine but EXPENSIVE! When you're used to paying .04 for 16 ounces of water paying $3 for 1.5 liters feels REDICULOUS! And the internet is .20 a minute (rather than .60 an HOUR at a local internet cafe). My friend will be here in a few hours and she is bringing her laptop, so hopefully I will get to mooch off of her internet. Otherwise posts will be few and far between this week.

Still haven't gotten my flight changed from Thursday yet. I keep trying to delay my departure until Saturday, but maybe God will say "no" to that and I'll be home by Friday evening hugging my kids? Either way I am fine. Just don't want to disappoint my friend by leaving two days earlier than she will be!

Guess that's it for right now. Of course all of the details are in my daily journal. You'll be SICK of hearing about this trip before I post 3 weeks worth of daily travel journal entries! LOL!

A few words to familiarize yourself with before you come....

"Boy" ------ "dance" (not sure what language)
"Enyo" ----- "it's okay (ewe tribe)
"Baba-nowm" m is almost silent -------- 'be quiet" (ewe tribe)
"Efo-ahn" ----------- "How are you doing?" (ewe tribe)
"obruni" ----------- white foreigner
"obruni ko ko" -------- white foreigner that gets burned by the sun (literally white red). this is what they call me here!
"medassi" --------- "thank you" (twi)
"yo" ------------ "okay" (twi)
"ta ta" ----------- "walk" (not sure what language)
"atu" ---------- "hug" (ewe)

Even though these are different languages, most everybody knows all of the words. Kind of like almost every American knows that "hola" is hellow in Spanish.

Love,
Anita and Bright

Sunday Marcy 24 (I think?!)

Hi all. Sitting here in the internet cafe next to the Nigerian scammers (according to Paul) listening to classic American country being blasted over the radio! LOL!

No real news to report. No passports--Edward is doing everything he can. Just one of those things. Bright is doing great. He wouldn't go to anybody else at church today--SUCH a huge change in such a short time! He loves me! He loves me! LOL!

The problem now is that I have to back off a bit to "ween" him before I go because I don't want him to be traumatized when I leave him. I have a friend coming this week that asked me stay with her at the hotel (DutcHotel--looks great). We (Paul, Eric, and I) all agree that it will be best for Bright to sleep at HoM while I am at the hotel this week. For one thing, the AC will likely make him sick. But mostly it will help him get used to more time without me before I go. It's going to be a hard week in that respect, but I'm really looking forward to the time with my friend and all of the things we might accomplish together for the children of Ghana!!!

Today after church today the pastor prayed over Bright and I. I cannot tell you what a blessing that was to me. People now declare that I am no longer an "Obruni Ko Ko" (white foreigner that turns red from the sun)--now I am a Ghanaian. =-) Not sure about that, but I am definitely more Ghanaian than i was when I came. This trip has been so different from my last. This time I have experienced Ghana--not the tourist version of Ghana. Even though the heat has been difficult, I wouldn't want to change a thing.

Before I sign off just a few things.... Ghanaian and American

"I think you get what I'm saying." --- "Do you understand?"

"I'm coming." ---- "I'm leaving"

"Sorry, sorry sorry!" ----- "Oops! or Excuse me"

"Bright Mommy" (insert name of your child) ---- Addressing you with respect--better than first name.

"Mommy/Daddy" ---A term used by EVERYBODY for ANYBODY that is old enough to be your mother or father. The children all call me "Mommy" and Lawrencia "Mommy." The ones that have a mommy still just call their mom "Mommy." So don't be offended when your kids call other people mommy or daddy when you are here. I've decided to call myself "mama" to Bright to help him differenciate a bit.

"He/She" -----These words are constantly mixed up here. He's called she's, his caled hers, etc. Just a heads up. =-)

Water--dont' be a spoiled obruni and buy only bottled water! It's WAY more expensive! You can buy a 15 ounce bag of water here for 400 cedis (around .04). It is just as safe and clean, more convenient, and will save you a TON of money!!! I bought like 240 ounces of water in Ho Hoe for less than a dollar!!!!

Okay, that's all for now. Many more tidbits to share once I am home.

Love,
Anita and Bright

Sneak Peek

I have gotten permission from Anita to give you all a sneak peek at how good Bright looks. This is a picture taken by Darren while he was there before Anita went. He sent them and some videos to Anita and I have this one to show you.

He looks so happy and so healthy, and Anita agrees completely. So without further ado Here is my nephew Bright in all his glory.

Oh and he is a Very happy eater. He is fat because he eats so much not because of the malnutrition. Today in one sitting he ate 3 bananas and one mango...lol...big boy!!!

Have a good night...

Nichole

Friday 3-23 from Ghana

Hi all.  thanks for the heads up about the DHS official not being in until mid-April.  If that's the case, that's okay.  All in God's will.  I really am at peace.  My purpose for coming was to make sure Bright's health is okay, and to HOPE that he could come home with me.  I knew from the beginning it was a long shot.  At this point we still don't have a passport anyway so I can't go to DHS yet.  The guy keeps telling Edward "tomorrow" and Edward goes there every day hoping that today is the day.  No such luck yet.  When I talked to DHS earlier this week they said the guy would be out this week but would be back on Monday.  They said he was out "on post."  So maybe things have changed????  Hoping not, for all of the families that are waiting to turn in paperwork.

Thanks for the words of support about the posting thing.  Again--I'm very sorry if I posted information that anybody didn't want posted on the blog.  I didn't bring email addresses and have NO way to contact you personally and if I were in your position I wouldn't want to wait 3 weeks to hear the info.  Sorry if I assumed wrongly and upset anybody.

I'm sorry for anybody who is having stress with LVI, as I am/have been.  Just remember that at some point we will all have our children home and this will be behind us.

One thing I want to make clear is that I did NOT make my deicision to come here lightly.  And I did not plan to come here before Bright's visa was ready.  The FIRST thing I did was contact LVI to talk about it--but Lois was completely unavailable to me (traveling).  I tried to get her permission first--as everybody should do if they need to come here, or want to come here to visit their child.  I truly thought it was a life and death situation for Bright so I HAD to make a decision without Lois.  Once she contacted me (next day) I apologized for having to make a decision without her input and she assured me that she understood completely why I neededto come.  Of course, it seems not that is not the case, but that's what she told me.  She told me it was fine.  I don't know what I would have done if she would have told me otherwise, but she didn't, so I didn't have to "go there."  Anyway, I just don't want everybody to think that I'm a big rebel that said "forget the rules--I'm going!"  I tried to follow the rules but couldn't reach the director before a decision had to be made.  I didn't come here to push my adoption through (I'm waiting for passport like everybody else).  I came here to make sure my legally adopted son wasn't dieing!  Nothing extra is being done to help things progress.  It will all be done when it's done.  My only hope was that I could turn in my paperwork myself (which EVERY parent should have the right to do if they choose to travel to do that--we don't HAVE to use a power of attorney!).

Anyway, sorry to be so blah in my post.  I hate drama.  I'm tired of drama.  I'm just trying to get my kid home like everybody else, but I assure everybody that I am following all of the rules and not asking for any kind of special treatment here.  Edward drives me places, and I PAY him.  He is a driver for hire.  And much to Lois' displeasure, he is also a friend who wants to help me while I'm here.  =-)

Love,
Anita

Update #3 from Ghana

Hi friends,

Things continue to go well here. It's been a down week since the DHS officer isn't in and I don't have a passport for Bright yet. Still...a good week. Paul and I never seem to run out of things to talk about. He's so wonderful--as are all of the children at Hands of Mercy (and his wife Lawrencia)!!!

Bright continues to become more and more attached to me. He now cries for me to keep him if someone he doesn't know tries to take him, and sometimes cry for me to take him if I walk in the room and someone else is holding him. I know--I can't believe I'm letting other people hold him, but the situation here is different. I don't want him to be traumatized again if I have to leave him behind so I feel like it's best to "share" him a bit for now.

Looks like I will try to delay my homecoming by a few days and either come home on Saturday the 31st or Monday the 2nd. Lots of things directing me to do that--good things! And this way if by chance they do issue Bright's visa next Friday I will still be here to take him home with me.

Guess that's it for now. Sorry there's not more to share. I'm writing all of the little details for each day in a journal so when I get home you will have LOTS to read about every day here! LOL!

Love,
Anita and Bright

Postings about Children

Hi all. Got an email from Lois (LVI) today. First time she's contacted me since I've been here. It wasn't to see how Bright is, or to see if I need any assitance, but rather to "warn" me that she has received "several messages" complaining that I have put specific information on the web about your children at Eugemot. I know all of you, and can't imagine that you would complain to Lois about this rather than just writing to me (or leaving a comment). So...if I have inadvertantly upset you by giving you an update on your child on my blog, please either leave a comment and let me know, or write to me at agillispie@gmail.com. Wouldn't want to do that. If I have NOT offended you, please also leave a comment. Lois warns that some of you might want to sue me (seems hard to imagine).

Thanks!
Anita

I talked to Anita

For a little bit today. She is doing well, and Bright is as well. He is really attaching to her much better now. He even gets anxious when she has to leave the room for a few minutes. Also she got to see is FIRST STEPS EVER!!! He has only taken one unassisted step so far, but Anita got to see it. How awesome for an adoptive mommy to be able to see that HUGE milestone. He is not crawling yet, but has this one legged shove he does, it was hard to explain so Anita gave up and said, "Eric did the same thing"...lol.

I didn't get to talk for too long and I was SOO glad that she was not upset with me not going to Tulsa, because Mia got sick. She was very understanding and I was really grateful. But enough about me.

I know you all are wondering about Anita, at this time it looks like Anita may be "met" by a friend from OK in Ghana. Her friend is trying to leave OK on Sunday and arrive on Monday and they are hoping to be able to fly out together on Monday April 2, instead of Thursday March 29th as originally planned.

Keep them in your prayers as we all miss them. Sorry it is not much of an update but it is what I have.

Be Blessed as I am...
Nichole

Update from Ghana #2

Hi friends! Things continue to go well here. Bright's health is improving everyday and I have peace that he will be okay. He has decided that he likes me now. =-) Just the last 2 days. Whew! He is a hard-headed litle guy! LOL! But now he gives me kisses (initiates them) and hugs, and feeds me, puts his fingers in my mouth (and mine in his) and generally knows and kind of even likes that I am the mommy.

He is developing like crazy! He is really interested in trying to walk now (only with hands). He's asserting his independance and reaching forward for things. He will almost get himself into crawling position but is not close to crawling. And he's like a little buddha in the belly department so once he is laying down there is NO WAY he can sit up on his own! LOL! The kids here call him "buscuit" because he is so darn chubby! The boy can eat--whatever you put in front of him he will eat!

It doesn't look like Bright will be coming home with me. The officer for Homeland Security is out this entire week so the earliest I will be able to turn is paperwork is Monday of next week (and I'm supposed to leave on Thursday). If they tell me that it will be ready on Friday then I will delay my flight, but otherwise I will come on home with plans for Paul to escort him to the US whenever everything is done. Bright will stay in the care of Hands of Mercy if I have to leave him. They are close to medical facilities and can take him for his labs. Paul is also good about emailing and sending pictures so I know the information flow will be good. It's amazing how at peace I feel about leaving him here, knowing that he will be in such good hands. Note: Eugemot was also good hands--just different and the atmosphere at HoM is more what I think Bright needs.

Last, but certainly not least, THE ALDER FAMILY!!!!!!!! Alder family, you have blessed us more than you could ever know. When I found out about the SECOND blessing you sent to our family I cried and cried tears of thanksgiving and relief. Things have been so much more expensive here than I had anticipated and your gift has given us room to breath again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love from Ghana,
Anita and Bright

HELLO FROM GHANA!!!!

Hello everybody!  I won't get to post much from here.  Bright can't be in the internet cafe and I don't like spending time away from him (although he still LOVES to spend time away from me at this piont! LOL!).  Forgive the spelling errors.  No time for spell check.

Things are going very well.  PRAISE GOD Bright is not critically anemic at this point.  Docs confirmed that his last lab was critical, but he has improved.  They say he will continue to improve, although our US doc feels like it will be chronic.  We will see.  At this point he doesn't seem to be in mortal danger--that's the important thing.  Docs here perscribed iron, B12 and folic acid as medicine.  They want new labs every two weeks to keep an eye on things.  Have spent hours and hours at hospitals here!  It takes SO LONG to get things done.  BUT it has been very inexpensive medically so far--less than $20 for 2 hopsitals, 3 doctors, a blood and stool test!  Bright has a chest x-ray on "monday or tuesday" (machine was down today) just to make sure that everything is okay.  He has a cough and stridor and a very weird "gasp" for air after he cries, but the docs here think it's just a virus and will pass.  Got another script for meds today but not sure what it is yet (assuming antibiotics--hoping so).

Bright is WONDERFUL!!!  So much more than I even ever hoped for.  The connection was instant (for me, not him).  He's just the perfect "baby" I've been praying for.  He's very smart and I'm sure will be walking within the next few months.  Not worried about any long term affects from him malnourishment at this point.  He said his first word today!  "Hi!" while waving!!!!!  Even without words he is VERY good at communicating his needs.  Points, waves, shakes his head yes and no, whines, etc.  Very smart boy.  He can stand for maybe 30 seconds without falling, but can't roll from front to back and can't crawl.  Weird combo--but I'm not worried at all.  Bright is BRIGHT! LOL!

Folks at Hands of Mercy have been AWESOME!!!  And they welcome a-parents to stay with them any time.  THIS is the experience we a-parents need.  Doing it the "Ghana way."  I have learned how to feed Bright traditional food...I walk around with him on my back "Africa style"...I know how to give him a "Ghana bath", etc.  All of these things have helped him to realize that I am the mommy.  The US mommy things I was doing just wasn't connecting with him.  I needed to do Ghana mommy things for him to connect.  Now if I say, "Where's Mommy?"  He will point at me (or my pic if we're looking at the photo album.  The food at HoM is AWESOME!  I would gain weight if I let Lawrencia cook 3 meals a day for me (only need 2 here because of the heat).  literally sweating off the pounds!  My pants are falling down! LOL!  The no AC is easy enough to get used to.  You learn how to appreciate a fan or a breeze very quickly.  It is NO problem not having hot water.  I can't imagine taking a hot shower in the heat anyway.  Cold water is just what the doctor ordered!

I have a weird rash on my arms from elbow to fingertips.  Showed it to Paul today and he said, "Oh yes.  This happens to all white people when they come here.  You can't handle the sun."  LOL!  I'm assuming it is a heat rash?  Looks ugly!

Bright's adjustment has been slow.  He is VERY scared of white people.  Terrified.  Wouldn't make eye contact with me the first day--not anywhere on me.  Today I heard his laugh for the first time and we finally had a good play session.  We're getting good when it's just him and I, but because we are surrounded by a ton of kids and other loving Ghanaian adults he will still go to them any chance he gets.  I'm still second best, even though he knows I'm the mommy.  He's used to tons of attention from tons of people so hanging out with me alone in our room isn't exactly on the top of his list!

Got to meet Bright's birth family!!!!  Day I arrived at Eugemot his 4 uncles, 1 aunt, grandparents and 3 brothers (Wise-4, Promis-10, and....Steven-7 LOL!).  Took pics, got their blessings, told them I would send updates to the orphanage, etc.  Next day I got to meet Bright's birth father!  Same story--pics, blessings, updates.  While I was there he asked the orphanage to take Bright's 4 year old brother wise, but Eugemot can't take him.  They've tried to take the boys before but they live close enough that they escape and run through the bush at night to get back home (dangerous for them).  Mama E knows to let me know if Wise is ever in need of a family....well, he's in need now but he can't be at the orphanage.  I feel so sorry for him...standing there while his father asked Mama E to take him. =-(

We hope to have Bright's passport by end of next week.  Will go next week to the embassy to see what we can do in the meantime (visa medical, turn in I-600 minus passport, etc.).  Then we pray for a miracle!  Oddly enough, I have peace that if I have to leave Bright it will be okay.  this is part of the reason why I'm not doing major attachment parenting--will make it harder if I have to leave him.  Will save the major attachment parenting for when I get home.  If I have to leave him there are good options here.  I know he will be taken care of.

Eugemot parents--met a volunteer who has tons of pics and stories about our kids!  Will send the contact information for her when I get home.  She's from the UK and had such love for the kids!!!  When I was there the kids were in school almost the whole time so I didn't get near the pics that I wanted to (and hardly any video).  hopefully Darren was able to get tons for everybody.  Kelly--the twins are FANTASTIC!  You are a lucky mommy!!!!  Sadia (not Sylvia!) had a bit of a cough but her skin looked pretty good and I would say she is stable.  Sondra was in school and I got very little time with her but I did get a pic of one of her drawings from school!  Stacey--Daniel was shy with me, like last time.  Managed to get one smiling pic though. =-)  He looks great.  Sarah's mommy--she is gorgeous as ever and knows that you are coming for her.  She can't wait to come to America!  Barbara---whew!  You will have your hands full with Selassie! LOL!  She is a fire-cracker!!!  SO SMART!  She is crawling everywhere, and pointing, and pulling up, and standing for short times.  Will be walking soon, I'm sure.  She is VERY tall (several inches taller than Bright) and thin (not overly so--just a thin build).  She has 4 teeth that I could see.  Got lots of pics of her because she wasn't in school like the other kids.  Barbara--got pics of a little girl named Peace that seemed quite attached to Selassie.  She is 5, but.....think about it. =-)  Also, her whole name is Isabella Selassie--didn't know if you knew that.  And Selassie means "gift from God."  She surely is.

There are 2.5 year old triplets at Eugemot!  And a wonderful little boy named Isaac (5) that definitely hopes for a family (they all do!).

Must go.  miss my baby.

Love from Ghana!
Anita

More news from Anita--MODIFIED BY ANITA

UPDATED BY ANITA

Well I talked to Eric today and he talked to Anita earlier today. Here is what we know, or at least this is Eric's, and therefore my, understanding. I even read back my notes to him to make sure I understood him correctly.

*Bright was scared of Anita at first, he had never seen a white person and didn't want to. BUT by the end of the day he was much better and was "ok" with her. And is bonding much better with her.

I WISH!  IT TOOK TO DAY 4 TO GET A SMILE AND HE WILL STILL CHOOSE A GHANAIAN OVER ME ANY DAY!  BUT WE ARE MAKING STEADY PROGRESS.  HE HAS SEEN WHITE PEOPLE (VOLUNTEERS) BUT DOESN'T LIKE THEM.  WHITE VOLUNTEER AT EUGEMOT TOLD ME SHE HAD BEEN THERE FOR 2 MONTHS AND BRIGHT STILL DOESN"T LIKE HER!

*They did get the new test results, and Bright is Anemic, however the Ghanaian doctor did not seem to think it was too bad.

*Bright is congested and they are scheduled to see and ENT; Ear, nose, and Throat doctor.

*They are "hoping" to get Bright's passport by the end of the week, THEN they can hope and pray for speedy processing of the Embassy paperwork.

ACTUALLY, THE FEELING IS THAT WE WILL HAVE IT BY THE END OF *NEXT* WEEK.  THEN ONLY ONE WEEK TO DO EMBASSY STUFF.  WILL GO NEXT WEEK TO EMBASSY TO SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE AS PRELIM MEASURE (VISA MEDICAL, ETC.).  PRAY FOR A MIRACLE--THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD TAKE.  BRIGHT ISN"T  CRITICAL SO I WOULD NEVER TRY TO "USE" THAT TO GET HIM HOME SOONER.  NO PHYSICAL REASON TO EXPEDITE UNLESS THEY SEE HIS ANEMIA AS REASON ENOUGH.
*Everyone at Hands of Mercy has bent over backwards to help Anita, and by extension Bright, out; and been really helpful.

*Bright can fit the 12 month size clothes that Anita took, but they are plenty roomy.. Anita thinks he "feels" like a 9 month old.

**BRIGHT'S 12 MONTH CLOTHES FIT WELL, 18M IS ROOMY BUT STILL LOOKS GOOD (THESE ARE SHORTS I"M BETTING PANTS WOULD BE WAY TO LONG).  HIS LITTLE BODY *LOOKS* LIKE A 9 MONTH OLD.  ABOUT THE SIZE OF AMERICAL 9 MONTH OLD.  ACTUALLY, LAWRENCIA (HANDS OF MERCY MOMMY)  THOUGHT THAT HE WAS 9 MONTHS!  THEY HAVE A SON THAT IS LESS THAN 2 MONTHS OLDER THAN BRIGHT BUT WAY BIGGER!  BRIGHT IS THE "BABY" I"VE BEEN PRAYING FOR. =-)


As of right now Anita still plans on coming back at the end of March, but if by some miracle the Embassy promises processing in, say, 2 weeks. Then Anita would of course stay the extra week and bring him home with her. Now please remember this is all you heard from me, who heard from Eric, who heard from Anita. So you know somewhere in there that SOMETHING got mixed up. But this is the best I can do. Like I said I even repeated all this back to Eric to make sure I had it "close to" right...lol

And Mia and I will be there next week so I "should" be able to at least update you more on how the kiddos and such are doing. Eric seems to sound like everything is fine. And I know you are missing pictures of those beautiful kiddos I call my niece and nephew, but don't be surprised if there is another little kiddo in the pics with them...lol.

Hope you all have a great weekend, I doubt I will hear anything before Sunday but if I do I will let you know. I get into Tulsa early evening on Sunday.

Anita has Bright

Well our mom got a short voice mail from Anita at 8:50PM CST, so about 3:50PM Ghana time, and this is what it said:

*Anita has Bright.

*Anita was still in Ho Hoe

*Going to Accra this morning

*Had a Doctor's appt this morning, but we don't know if it was in Accra or Ho Hoe, I would think it would be in Accra, but don't know for sure.

*Anita is Safe

*And Anita will be getting a cell phone today to try to get in touch better with our mom and Eric.

I know this isn't a lot of information, but it is all good information.

Anita is in Ghana

Hi I am Nichole, Anita's little sis, and I have agreed to keep you "up to date" on the goings on with Anita while she is gone.

We have not heard a lot but the little we have heard is here.

Anita called Eric either yesterday or today and she reported that Bright was not in Accra when she arrived, so she was driving to Ho Hoe to get Bright and bring him to the hospital. Hopefully by now she has darling Bright in her arms and has him either on his way to or in the hands of the doctors in Accra.

Please continue to pray for Anita and Bright as she works to get him the medical attention he needs. Also rejoice that Anita is probably holding her darling boy in her arms at this moment.

As I hear things I will be sure to report them to you. I don't know if it will be daily or weekly, or what, but I will do the best I can to keep you all updated. Also when I go to stay with Eric and the kids, I will let you know how they are all doing without their mommy and wife.

Please pray for all of the family as they go through this time apart.

Last post from home (I think)...

**Update: Talked to Lois. Still not sure if Bright will be at the airport or not. May be going to get him in Ho Hoe on Monday. Won't know until I get to the airport. =-(

Well, I'm outta here in 7 hours. Some moments I think "What am I doing?! This is crazy!" and other moments I know I've got to go to make sure Bright is okay. Sometimes I just know God is going to soften hearts and allow Bright to come home with me. Othertimes I tell myself to get ready, because the liklihood of me carrying my baby home is small.

The shopping is done (ouch!) and everything is laid out waiting to be packed. I still have to write contact lists for those here, and instructions, grocery list, etc. Thank the Lord my mom is here to help corral my thoughts right now. She is such an endless blessing to me.

Lois is supposed to call me sometime today before I leave just to touch base one more time and confirm everything. She says that her plan is definitely to have Edward bring Bright back with them from Ho Hoe on Sunday and then for him and Bright to meet me at the airport upon my arrival. So GREAT for me--so SCARY for Bright (poor baby).

We'll go "home" (to Hands of Mercy) from there. Unless Bright just looks really bad on Sunday, I don't plan to take him to the hospital until Monday. I'm not sure who is taking me at this point but I'm sure someone will. I pray that everything checks out perfectly and my baby is okay.

After Monday everything is unknown. I plan to buy a cheap cell phone there so that I can be in some contact with my family. They will update the blog as they can. I hope that there is an internet cafe within walking distance of Hands of Mercy so that I can communicate that way.

Prayer Requests:

• Please pray for the Lord to SOFTEN HEARTS of those in Ghana who could make a difference in Bright's life (doctors, passport office, EMBASSY PERSONNEL).


• Please pray that Bright is HEALTHY!


• Please pray that I can stay healthy to take care of Bright.


• Please pray for my heart, and my family's heart here in Oklahoma as we navigate the month without each other. My children are especially upset.
• 
  
  Please pray that good, strong friendships are built while I am in Ghana.


• Please pray that the Lord provides the financial means necessary to complete this task.


• Please pray that Bright and I come home together.

Thank you friends. I hope to be in touch soon.

Love, Anita

Friday Morning Update--by the dots!

• Thanks for the prayers and suggestions about my bleeding socket. It finally stopped before I went to bed last night. Whew! Now I've just got to keep the little "clot" in there to avoid a dry socket. The pain is quite barable--wonder if that will change in a plane though???
• Lois hasn't been able to reach Edward yet about bringing Bright back to Accra with him on Sunday, but she said not to worry...she's got her ways. =-)
• We remembered last night that we have $1000 donation sitting at Kingdom Kids that I should have used to buy our plan ticket! Ack! So I'll be talking to them today about how we can still benefit from the donation even though agency fees and tickets have been paid. Will ask if they can send the money to LVI to be used for Bright's medical expenses or my travel expenses in Ghana.
• I've got to write and have a Power of Attorney signed by Eric today. Not sure what I'll need it for but figure it's a good thing to have "just in case."
• Got clarification on the little developmental update that Ernest sent about Bright. He is crawling "bit by bit" and can now bare weight on his legs for a "short time with help."
• LOTS of shopping to do still. This leaving for Ghana with only 3 days notice is tough! LOL!
• One of my senators has (or will?) send a letter on Bright's behalf to the Embassy in Accra, urging them to process his case as quickly as possible.
• Today will be used to make lots of lists (contact lists, grocery lists, packing lists, etc.), to pack, and to shop.

Okay, back to the work at hand!
Anita

Back down to earth

Well, after everything falling together perfectly yesterday, today didn't quite measure up. Some good things happened. Our senator said they will be sending a letter to the embassy in Accra urging them to process Bright's case as quickly as possible (without cutting corners, of course). I also got the letter from my doctor.

I've had this tooth that began to bother me on the way home from Ghana last August. I was in a LOT of pain by the time I got home. I hate to go to the dentist, but I knew that I would need to get it taken care of before I fly again so I made an appointment for next Wednesday, thinking that would give me plenty of time before I went to Ghana. NOT! So they got me in today. The news wasn't good. It was abscessed and I had to choose a root canal or extraction. Choosing to do nothing wasn't an option because he said the tooth could "explode" any day (whatever that means...didn't sound good). So I chose the extraction because it was cheaper (and it's my very back tooth). He told me that no matter what I am going to hurt a LOT on my way to Ghana. Great. OH MY GOODNESS I hurt so bad already! And the stinkin' thing won't stop bleeding! And then there is the fear that I'll get a dry socket while I'm gone...or an infection. Ugh. Pray that everything heals well please. It's put a big damper on my day.

I talked to Lois today. She was unavailable yesterday when everything was happening (coming back from Haiti) so I had to make decisions on my own. She was understanding but I think she wishes we could take it slower and have Bright evaluated at a hospital in Ghana before I went over there. The ticket is already paid for and it's nonrefundable so that isn't an option. I don't think I would want to take the chance anyway. I just need to be there. Lois is concerned that I'm going to go over there and make the embassy mad by being too pushy about getting Bright home. I don't intend to do that at all, but I do intend to try to work WITH them and I do intend to advocate for Bright. The embassy is there to serve American citizens. This embassy doesn't seem to be too happy about that, but that's the way it is.

Lois also shared that Bright's birth certificate wasn't the right kind. Evidently the BC they have is the one that was made at his birth and the one that they need has to be generated after the adoption. So Edward is supposed to be getting that while he is at Eugemot this week. Lois doesn't think that our passport has even been applied for yet. Not good.

So I guess today was a bit discouraging just because the odds are against Bright and I coming home together. At the same time, I KNOW that God doesn't play by the odds and if He wants Bright home by April everything will work out while I'm there. Lois kept asking "What if you get there and he's fine?" My answer to that is, "I'm going to thank God!" LOL! If I get there and everything checks out great I will cry tears of joy! I'll still use the time to try to get my baby ready to go home with me. And I'll love on him and get to know Ghana better, and be available for whatever purpose the Lord has in store for me. It won't be wasted time. There has to be a purpose behind all of this or I don't believe everything would have fallen into place so quickly yesterday. I just hope I don't have to come home without my baby...for me and ESPECIALLY for him I hope that.

Love,

Anita

P.S. Got word today from Lois that Bright is trying to walk!

Just talked to Bright's Orphanage!

Well, I took the plunge and called Mama Eugenia (director of Bright's orphanage) this morning. She was so perplexed and her English isn't the best but we muddled through. She said, "But Bright isn't sick." and I told her that our doctor thought his blood might be sick and she said I should take him to the doctor. She said, "Okay, okay." I tried to ask if Edward and Darren (who are there right now and returning to Accra on Sunday) could bring Bright with them to Accra. She thought that was a crazy idea! She said, "But who will change his diaper? You know, Bright he is so small Anita." LOL! I told her I thought Darren could do that and she said, "Have you spoken to Darren to ask if he can do that?" I told her I couldn't get ahold of Darren or Edward (yet) so she said, "I think you better come on Monday then. He needs a woman." LOL! We'll see what happens there, but at least she's fine with me taking Bright to the hospital in Accra.

She said that Bright is doing good. She also said that he drinks from both a bottle and a cup. Somehow my worry is decreasing and my excitment to meet (and hopefully bring home) our son is multiplying by the moment!!!! I just know he's going to be okay...

Anita

TODAY'S VERSE! WOW!

VERSE: The LORD will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. -- Psalm 121:7-8


THOUGHT: One of my hardest challenges as a parent is knowing that I can't ultimately protect my children from some hurts and heartbreaks. Some of that pain is necessary to help them mature and grow. Some of it is just the agonizing result of living in a fallen world. But, we can be fully confident that if we share the Lord with them, if they give their lives to his will, nothing can steal them from his ultimate victory, care, and reunion with us and with him. Knowing how we love them, imagine how much the Father loves us and longs to bring us to that place of safety in his house! Until we get home, isn't it comforting to know that he is watching over us and those we love, now and forevermore?

Even the tiniest details...

So I'm up. I've been up since 3:30am. Urgh. Anyway, just had to share another God thing with you all. Last week Eric was sick and his doc called in a Z-pak antibiotic for him. This week I'm traveling to Ghana and need to take antibiotics with me "just in case." Guess whose doctor just "happened" to call in TWO refills for the Z-pak "just in case" Eric needs it! Ahhh! I love my heavenly daddy. He takes such good care of me. He knew I would be making this trip long before I did and has been getting everything ready for me. =-)

Anita

Hands of Mercy

Hands of Mercy Outreach International has graciously offered to allow me (and Bright) to stay in their orphanage home in Accra for the entire time I am in Ghana. Can you believe that? Room and board. God is so good, all the time, even during trials. They are even going to pick me up at the airport! If anybody feels led to donate to this ministry, please do. This is the same org that I spoke of yesterday that is having a hard time paying the school tuition for the children in their care--but they still offered to care for Bright and I when we are in Ghana.

More good....LVI has been so great today. Big thanks to Maria and Tana for doing everything you could to get ahold of Lois (who is traveling back from Haiti right now). Both women were so sweet and comforting. I'm so glad that Lois has them on her team.

A prayer request: Please pray that we can get the logistics worked out for me to get to Bright on Monday. Edward (LVI employee) is actually AT Bright's orphanage from now until Sunday and will be returning home that day with Darren (who is visiting his soon-to-be son). It may be difficult to reach Edward and/or the orphanage to make them aware of what's going on. Also, the thought occurred to me that it might be good if we can get ahold of Edward and ask him to please just bring Bright back to Accra with him when he comes home from the orphanage on Sunday.

Finally, so many people have written to me privately with support and encouragement. Thank you. It is all going to be fine--I just have to believe that. Maybe things will settle down before I leave enough for me to respond, but if I don't respond just know it's because I'm running around like a mad woman trying to get packed! AHHHHH!!!!!!

Love,
Anita

I will be holding Bright on Monday

No--his passport has not been issued. No--his I-600 has not been filed. No--he's not ready to come home. He's sick. Potentially very sick.

We got Bright's medical report on January 19th, that said he was anemic. I attributed this anemia to his malnutrition and didn't think much of it. Today my kids had doctor's appointments with our beloved Pediatrician and I took Bright's photos and medical for her to take a look at (thinking she might be able to tell me what type of anemia he had). Our doctor was immediately concerned about his labwork and said that he has very serious anemia. She said it's unlikely that this is from nutrition and feels that Bright has some type of chronic anemic disorder (won't know how severe or what type until he is home). If Bright were in America he would be in the hospital right now--getting transfusions and such to help him recover. But he's not in America--and he may not be in America for several more months (I'm hoping no more than 2-3 but it could be 6 according to the Embassy).

I asked our doc if he would be okay for a few more months until he is cleared to immigrate. She said there was no way to tell. He could hold his own for several more months, or he could die very soon. If he dies it will be from heart failure. His little heart is likely pumping WAY more than it should be (to deliver oxygen) and could be enlarged. After a while the lungs fill with fluid and the heart stops. She also feels (by looking at his Christmas picture) that Bright's spleen may be enlarged as well. Bright could be in grave danger.

This child is OUR son. Legally and emotionally and in every other way. I know the orphanage would do everything they can for him, but that isn't much. They can take him to the same hospital that saw his labwork and noted "anemic" on his paperwork but didn't transfuse him (like he definitely needed according to our doc). I don't feel confident that the hospital in Ho is able to meet Bright's needs. The orphanage doesn't have the time or resources to take him to an Accra hospital. This is my son. He is my responsibility. So I'm going to him.

I leave for Ghana on Saturday (10th) at 4:30pm. I arrive on Accra on Sunday (11th) at 7:15pm. I hope to be holding Bright be noon on Monday and have him in a hospital in Accra by nightfall. It's not going to be the leisurely day I had hoped our first day together would be, but it's what needs to happen. Hopefully I will get more time to go back to Ho Hoe before I leave.

I have a tentative return flight for Thursday the 29th of March. It would be great if everything worked out for me to leave earlier, but I know I also may need to stay longer than planned. I am the most inflexible person on earth, but I've got to be flexible.

Our wonderful Ped. has said she is willing to write a letter to the US Embassy in Ghana requesting that Bright's immigration clearance be expedited so that he can get to the US ASAP for medical care. First we have to get his passport, but I am praying that it will work out that he is able to come home with me at the end of March. I'm also trying to prepare myself that he may have to be left behind (please God, not that).

The other part of this is that even if Bright has immigration clearance, I can't put him on a plane until he is stable. Our doctor said absolutely NOT to put him on a plane if he has any sort of cough or is short of breath. This could lead to respiratory failure on the flight home--he might not make it. When she mentions coughing I immediately think of the little cough I heard on his video from Thanksgiving--and the fact that he breathes out of his mouth. =-(

I think this is the most mixed up emotional place I have ever been. I am going to meet my son on Monday. That is reason to celebrate!!!!! There is hope that because of this he will be able to come home earlier than expected. Another reason to celebrate!!!! But it's also conceivable that I won't make it in time...that he will die. And I'm going alone (save for my God). I'm going to miss my children and my husband so badly. I've never been away from them this long. And I know that it's going to be extremely hard on my children emotionally. I usually prepare them weeks in advance for any time I'm going to be away from them.

But I have to believe that God has a purpose in this change of plans. I have to believe that at the very least the Lord will allow Bright to feel a mother's touch for a bit, even if he does leave us soon (his bio mother died during childbirth). If I didn't have faith that there is a purpose in all of this I think I would be crumpled up in the corner sucking my thumb right now.

Prayers are so appreciated during this time. I'm not sure how much I will be able to update once I'm in Ghana, but I will try (through my mom, or sis, or someone) at least a few times. And I'm sure this will be a place for me to gather my thoughts during the next few days as I prepare to leave.

Love,
Anita

P.S. Taevy made the picture above for me to take to Bright. She told me to hang it on his hospital wall.

Good Day

It's not even 3pm yet, but I'm going to go ahead and declare this a good day. =-)

First, I want to share that I made my first contact with LVI since my "punishment." Actually, it was last night that I sent a list of questions to Lois. I knew she would answer, but didn't know how long it might take. I'm glad to share with everybody that she responded today. Short answers, but cordial. She didn't have answers to a few of my questions but said she would get back to me. I'm glad to have the first interaction since the "punishment" over with. And I'm glad that Lois is acting professional again. I don't think I've shared this before, but I believe the issues I've had with LVI will be somewhat isolated. I think a lot is tied into how much of the "guts" of the program I saw when I traveled to Ghana with Lois, and how intimate Lois and I got with one another during that trip. I hope that my experience is isolated and that it is a long time before another family is displeased--for the families' sakes.

Another good thing! I learned about an organization called Hands of Mercy Outreach Ministries that runs an orphanage in Ghana! www.handsmercy.com for more information (be sure to check out the photos!). I talked with the owner/director for quite some time today and feel like she has a huge heart for the children in her care. Hands of Mercy has a child sponsorship program that seems really neat. Sponsors are aloud as much contact as they wish with their sponsor child (phone calls, email, letters, care packages, even visits)! Deb (the owner/director) shared with me today that they recently lost a significant amount of the monthly income that went to the orphanage and are even behind on paying bills for the children's education. So...maybe this post will prompt a few people to pop on over to the website to make a donation or begin to sponsor a child?! I plan to visit Hands of Mercy when I go to pick up Bright, so I'm sure this won't be my last post about them. =-)

I hope that the rest of you are having a good day too.

Love,
Anita

Anticipation!

Not much realy news to report on the adoption front. We're waiting for passports to be processed and I am hoping that when they are completed I will get word from LVI.

My heart is absolutely overflowing with anticipation about my friend's trip to Ghana! He'll be there in less than 48 hours, with both of our sons! Woo hoo! He's been so gracious. You should have seen the list of questions I wrote down for him to see if he can learn more about Bright! But my friend took it all with grace and promised he wasn't put off at all. I don't know if I'm more excited about the information or the pictures/video?! It will be Sunday before I hear from him so this might be a LONG week.

Beyond the anticipation for new information about Bright I find myself in a general state of anticipation about everything with regard to the adoption. It took a while for everything to sink in and for me to 100% believe that Bright is actually going to come home. But now it's all real. All of his clothes and toys and books and bedding and such are ready for him. It FEELS now like there is a person missing in this house. This is a good thing, but makes the wait that much harder.

I also just feel a need to close this chapter--to be done with LVI and all the drama surrounding that agency. I'm tired of (my own) negative thoughts. I want to be released--to be able to focus my energy on all of the GOOD and PROMISING things surrounding Ghana and adoptions. I'm praying hard that I can let go of all of my negative feelings, but until I'm done dealing with LVI I don't think that's going to be 100% possible (since every communication or lack of communication seems like salt in a wound at this point). Please pray for me in this regard.

So...here's to the anticipation of a GREAT month to come! Information! A homecoming! And a release!!
Love, Anita

P.S. I have received a number of messages from kind people who are concerned that LVI may try to do something to halt our adoption if they read my blog. I'm fairly certain that LVI moniters my blog almost daily (at least someone living in Bellevue, WA and with a lifesvision.org email address does). =-) Every word written on this blog was written with the knowledge that my agency director was mostly likely reading each post. For the record, I do not believe that LVI would take action to halt my adoption. I have no fear of that in part because our adoption is complete and also because I think that Lois is better than that.

17 months; 6 months

Today my beautiful Bright is 17 months old. Today also marks 6 months since we began Bright's adoption. I'd like to say that time has flown, but it really hasn't--except for the fact that it seems that Bright has gone from baby to toddler in the twinkle of an eye, and without my being able to meet him in that time. =-(

Still, there is much to be grateful for. Last month, when I wrote the "16 months; 5 months" post I didn't even know if anything was going on with our adoption. As far as I knew it could have been 6 more months before we had an adoption decree. In fact, I was scared that we may not even get an adoption decree (instead getting a 2 year interim adoption). My what a difference a month can make! Here are some of the wonderful things that have happened this past month:

• Feb. 12--received a final adoption order from Ghana!
• Feb. 13--began shopping in earnest for our baby's homecoming!
• Bright's birth new birth certificate was generated in Volta Region
• Bright's birth certificate and passport photos were picked up and taken to Accra
• Bright's passport was filed for in Accra (according to the time line we were given)

Huge month, right?! Woo hoo!

In the coming month I pray that the following happens....

• My friend visits Bright and gets LOTS of information, pictures, and even video of/about my baby (next week!)
• Bright's passport is issued
• Our I-600 paperwork is filed with complete documentation at the US Embassy
• The Embassy decides Bright does NOT need a field investigation (please Lord)
• We receive word from the embassy that we can come and pick up Bright!!!

I hope this is a month of "all good things" with regard to our adoption. My heart is healing from what occurred with LVI and I look forward to the renewed focus of getting my boy home and advocating for Ghana adoptions in whatever way I can.

Love, Anita

Spiders and June bugs

Just a quick funny to share with you all. =-) I found out the other day that when Bright first came into the orphanage the staff called him "spider baby." It's not hard to see why. His little malnourished body was all appendages and abdomen!

Bright is certainly not a "spider baby" anymore. He's more like a little June bug now. In fact, I may just give him that as a nick name--my little June bug. =-)

God's Hand

I know I've been posting a lot lately, but I had to share this with you all this morning. People (at least lots of people) talk about how God "hand-picked" their children for them--had a plan for them to join the family from the beginning of time. I feel this way too--although I wish that my children wouldn't have had to go through such loss in order to join our family.


I have a friend (Darren) who is adopting the most beautiful 3 year old boy from Eugemot (same orphanage as Bright). The first time I saw Darren's little boy, Justice, I was so smitten! LOL! I even told Darren that if something were to come up in Justice' medical that would prohibit him from adopting Justice I would want to add him to our family in a heartbeat. There's just something about this kid. Anyhow...


I've told Darren in the past that Justice wasn't there when I was at Eugemot because I can't imagine that I wouldn't have noticed him--he would have been the youngest and in the exact age we were hoping for. Mama Eugenia told me at the time that the youngest child was 3 but I didn't see anybody who looked that young (and I was looking!). Darren told me that he was told Justice had been at the orphanage for a long time. AND another adoptive mom who visited Eugemot in the summer of '06 confirmed that Justice was there at that time. I just chalked it up as "one of those things." But it wasn't. =-)

Today I was looking through my photos of Eugemot and guess who was in two of them? JUSTICE!!! I just really believe that I didn't see this little boy when I was there because God knew if I would have seen him, I would have requested to adopt him immediately. He wasn't supposed to be our son--he was supposed to be Darren's--so God "hid" this beautiful boy from me in plain site! Isn't that neat? Further proof (to me) that God is in control of everything and truly does have a plan to put the right children into our families.


Love,
Anita
P.S. Justice is the one with the "Stitch" shirt and mint green pants on. =-)

"I Love You My Friend"

Sometimes my daughter just bless my socks off! It is very obvious (to me) that Taevy is a future humanitarian. I know, I know...I'm biased...but I really believe that! She's only six and I can already say that "for years" she has showed significant concern for the less advantaged of the world. She truly desires to help. She was so excited when we were planning to adopt from Ethiopia because I told her she could be my travel partner when we went to pick up the baby (she would have been around 7.5 by then). Likewise she is thoroughly disappointed that now the trip is off and she also doesn't get to go to Ghana with me (I'm so mean!).

Since our Ethiopia plans have been put on hold Taevy's focus has switched to Ghana again. She's been talking about all of the things she wants to "donate" and thinking of ways to raise money. Tonight she walked in with the four baggies pictured at top (filled with nuts, candy, and a cookie) and asked if I could PLEASE take these with me to Ghana to give to the kids at Bright's orphanage. =-) Then she told me that when we have our garage sale (we're planning one for late spring/early summer) she and Samren are going to sell cookies, watermelon, and lemonade and give all of the money to "the kids in Ghana." Her other plans include crocheting lots of blankets (no, she doesn't know how to do this yet--just pretends) and sending me to Ghana with all of her baby dolls.

When I was Taevy's age I showed a talent and interest in Music. I grew up and went on to receive my degree in Music Education and music (particularly music education) will remain a life-long passion of mine. I hope that the compassion and interest that Taevy is showing in humanitarian causes also remains a lifelong passion for her. The world would be blessed to have her on its side! LOL!

Love,

Anita

P.S. In this photo of Taevy she is wearing a Ghanian outfit and sporting the traditional "baby on the back" look. =-)

Sometimes saying "no" is hard...but good.

What a crazy week this has been. I think I will sleep long and hard this weekend (Eric always gets up early with the kids while I sleep in on Saturdays). I don't have anything to share on the Bright front, so you'll just have to read about a few decisions I (and Eric) have made in the last 24 hours instead. ;-)

First

I've hinted several times in the last several months that I might start working in adoption again. I can finally share about that today. I was approached by the director of the now de-funct agency that I used to work for back in 2001-2003 in late Autumn. The last few years she has continued her humanitarian work in Vietnam and they have an opportunity to have an adoption program there. Thing is, she doesn't have the time required to run the program. She wanted me to be involved. She has introduced the program to another adoption agency in hopes that they would take it on, but only if I would be the coordinator (it's her baby and she wants someone she knows and trusts to be directing it). This agency is very interested and would be fine with me coming on. It looks like this is all going to happen.

The problem is that I have felt conflicted about my involvement in the project from the very beginning. For one thing, I think it's VERY hard to run a clean program in Vietnam (and I only want to be involved in clean programs). For another thing, it's a very time-consuming job--a job you've got to have passion for. At the same time, there is a part of me that dearly misses the daily involvement I once had with adoptive families...helping them with paperwork and sending them update photos...referral calls and travel news. So I've gone forward telling those involved that I will be on board if everything works out.

At the same time all of this has been going on, my heart continues to grow more and more in love with Ghana. I research various orphanages and spend nights laying awake thinking about what donations I want to pack for our next trip. I think about all of the children there that don't have even a hope at this point of ever being adopted. The situation in Vietnam is bad, but *most* of the provinces and orphanages that allow adoptions are being served. It all boils down to me not having the passion for Vietnam that I think I would need in order to do justice to families. So last night after months of praying and thinking about this I decided that I was going to call those involved and let them know that I just can't sign on. I'm saying no. Say a prayer for me because that phone call will be hard. I hate disappointing people.

Second

Yesterday I got this call from my mother-in-law asking if we'd be interested in adopting a baby this fall. A domestic situation had come to her attention and would we be interested? My gut response was to say YES! After all, isn't that the "gold standard" of adoption dreams--to have an adoption situation fall in your lap without you even looking?! We talked to Eric's cousin last night (who is friends with this potential birth mother) and it really does sound like a good situation. It also sounds like we would have a very good chance of being chosen to parent this mom's child. But you know what? As I prayed about it last night (ahhh...the joys of insomnia!) I realized that Eric and I were thinking about US, not our children. We've always said that we have to put the needs of our current children in front of any adoption situation that came in front of us. There is no way that it is "best" for Bright to have a newborn enter the scene less than 6 months after he joined our family! There's no way. So this morning I called and let them know that Eric and I weren't supposed to be this baby's parents. We said no.

So that's two situations just in the last 24 hours where it's felt really hard to say no because they both seem like situations we would like to say yes to. At the same time, I have such peace. Such peace. I feel like the Vietnam thing is a huge monkey off my back now, and I have renewed joy in the thought of Bright being my baby and having HIS time in our family before another child enters the mix.

I was just about to write, "I don't know if I'll ever be involved in adoptions again." But that's not true. I know I always will be involved in adoptions! LOL! It's in my blood. And I think God has put the passion for Ghana in my heart for a purpose. I don't know if that's just for humanitarian reasons, or because we have another child there, or maybe if I'll get to be involved in a more "formal" way in Ghana adoptions. I just know that Ghana is supposed to be my focus right now.

Have I said lately how much I can't WAIT to get back there?!

Love,

Anita